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Sorry but need to vent a bit...this is my other difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 499794" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First of all, ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))). A whole big basket of them - take one or two or twelve out and just wrap yourself up in them. It is a special basket that refills with super-soft extra-love-power hugs.</p><p></p><p>You sure have your hands full. It sounds like difficult child 1, Daniel, is taken care of for the time being. difficult child 2 now needs attention. difficult child stands for Gift from God, the difficult child who brought you here. If you hover the mouse over abbreviations that are underlined in posts, the abbreviation will show up. I don't know how Cheryl found or created that function, but it is awesome, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>WHo has evaluated David and do you have some confidence that they have given him the right labels? Not so much because a label determines his future, but more because some labels open certain doors and some don't. What labels will get what he needs?</p><p></p><p>I can see why he doesn't want to be in school. I probably wouldn't either. Is there ANYONE who would think to stop and ask WHY her sweater was such a big deal in a way that would enable him to ANSWER in a way that would let him show them WHY it was a problem?</p><p></p><p>I think it shows he has an incredibly sweet nature that he would be so afraid that she would get killed by a shark because she was wearing that sweater that he would go so far as to hurt her to try to get her to a safe state. From back when I was babysitting as a teen I always said that I would use spanking only for truly serious situations where I had to get the child's attention and get them to mind me immediately or they could be in serious danger. Situations like running toward a busy street as fast as the child could, or trying to stick a fork into an electrical outlet. I would use a little bit of pain, an amount they would survive, to make the action something they did NOT want to do ever so that I would save them the much greater pain of the action. I still follow this and believe it is reasonable for MOST kids. Of course it isn't right for every kid - they are kids not plastic dolls from a factory. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, that is the general thought process I see behind his actions. Of course it all happened so FAST that he couldn't tell them even if they would listen. It was a gut level, visceral response just like you would feel if you saw a 2you running straight into a busy 4 lane road. </p><p></p><p>I don't understand WHY the school felt the need to escalate it. WHY they don't have a way to redirect him, and WHY they cannot see that out of school suspension is NOT a good thing. </p><p></p><p>Is he on medications? What medications, for what, and do you feel they are helping and the right medications for him? Who is prescribing them and do you feel you have a good relationship with this dr? </p><p></p><p>Who did the IEP evaluation? How many days has David been suspended? Is there another school or class or program that you feel may be better for him? What do you think the IDEAL educational setting for him would be? Has he had a Functional Behavioral Assessment and does he have a POSITIVE Behavior Intervention Plan? If not, why not?</p><p></p><p>Has he ever had an MRI and been evaluated for seizures and other neurological problems? Are you aware that given the mother's behavior he might have some degree of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? Lots of pregnant women in mental health crises reach for alcohol and other drugs. Just because he has Aspergers does NOT mean he cannot have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) or other problems wth his brain due to her substance abuse. </p><p></p><p>The school sounds like they are doing almost NOTHING that will actually be effective at helping and educating David. I am sorry. It is so frustrating because we can see the enormous potential of our kids but their advanced knowledge in one or a few areas is often used against them as some type of "proof" that they are purposely misbehaving when they have problems. Sometiems they are, but often they have been TAUGHT to misbehave to get what tehy want. Their poor understanding of social rules makes these problems HUGE for them. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry I don't remember more of the details of his story. I am having memory problems today. On that issue (info, problems remembering details), do you have a Parent Report for each child? I believe that the Parent Report is the most powerful weapon in your Warrior Mom arsenal, second ONLY to love. What is a Parent Report? Long before I joined this family, some of the moms worked out a way to keep ALL the information about our difficult child in ONE binder. Yup. EVERYTHING in ONE binder. It is awesome because you have ALL the details of everything at hand when you walk into any meeting or appointment. (I also found it kinda fun to watch the teachers and doctor's eyes get REALLY WIDE when they realized that the binder was ONLY about difficult child, not the laws, the disorder, or anything else that didn't apply to him. The first time after I started the report it wasn't finished so I added about 100 blank pages to bulk it up, lol. Perception can do a LOT. That and the postit notes on the reference books made them as intimidated as they wanted me to feel when they walked just me into that room with 10 people who were ALL there to tell me how I messed him up and it was my job to make him fit school not the other way around. I was warned about that by a sp ed teacher who adored Wiz. We adore her too, of course!)</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I think a Parent Report could be a HUGE asset for you. You would need one for each difficult child. The link in my signature will take you to the thread that explains the Parent Report and has the outline for it. Don't try to do it all at one time, not for either child. Work on it in chunks. </p><p></p><p>by the way, are you aware that they MUST give you certain notice of IEPs and a phone call doesn't meet the obligation unless you accept it as notification? It is in the federal law that you are supposed to get notice by mail or similar method (and a note sent home with a child does NOT NOT NOT qualify, just in case they try that nonsense!) a certain number of days in advance. For an emergency meeting there may be another accommodation, I am not sure about that. The IEP meeting next week sounds liek they want to change his placement or something. Make SURE you have an advocate, don't sign the IEP right away and if he has had 10 days of suspension then you should probably have an attorney. Actually, if at all possible, it would be wise to have an attorney even if you also have an advocate. I am VERY alarmed that they called the police. He is eleven for crying out loud. Yes, it is never okay to hit someone. I just don't trust schools to not try something nasty to one of our kids.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 499794, member: 1233"] First of all, ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))). A whole big basket of them - take one or two or twelve out and just wrap yourself up in them. It is a special basket that refills with super-soft extra-love-power hugs. You sure have your hands full. It sounds like difficult child 1, Daniel, is taken care of for the time being. difficult child 2 now needs attention. difficult child stands for Gift from God, the difficult child who brought you here. If you hover the mouse over abbreviations that are underlined in posts, the abbreviation will show up. I don't know how Cheryl found or created that function, but it is awesome, in my opinion. WHo has evaluated David and do you have some confidence that they have given him the right labels? Not so much because a label determines his future, but more because some labels open certain doors and some don't. What labels will get what he needs? I can see why he doesn't want to be in school. I probably wouldn't either. Is there ANYONE who would think to stop and ask WHY her sweater was such a big deal in a way that would enable him to ANSWER in a way that would let him show them WHY it was a problem? I think it shows he has an incredibly sweet nature that he would be so afraid that she would get killed by a shark because she was wearing that sweater that he would go so far as to hurt her to try to get her to a safe state. From back when I was babysitting as a teen I always said that I would use spanking only for truly serious situations where I had to get the child's attention and get them to mind me immediately or they could be in serious danger. Situations like running toward a busy street as fast as the child could, or trying to stick a fork into an electrical outlet. I would use a little bit of pain, an amount they would survive, to make the action something they did NOT want to do ever so that I would save them the much greater pain of the action. I still follow this and believe it is reasonable for MOST kids. Of course it isn't right for every kid - they are kids not plastic dolls from a factory. Anyway, that is the general thought process I see behind his actions. Of course it all happened so FAST that he couldn't tell them even if they would listen. It was a gut level, visceral response just like you would feel if you saw a 2you running straight into a busy 4 lane road. I don't understand WHY the school felt the need to escalate it. WHY they don't have a way to redirect him, and WHY they cannot see that out of school suspension is NOT a good thing. Is he on medications? What medications, for what, and do you feel they are helping and the right medications for him? Who is prescribing them and do you feel you have a good relationship with this dr? Who did the IEP evaluation? How many days has David been suspended? Is there another school or class or program that you feel may be better for him? What do you think the IDEAL educational setting for him would be? Has he had a Functional Behavioral Assessment and does he have a POSITIVE Behavior Intervention Plan? If not, why not? Has he ever had an MRI and been evaluated for seizures and other neurological problems? Are you aware that given the mother's behavior he might have some degree of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? Lots of pregnant women in mental health crises reach for alcohol and other drugs. Just because he has Aspergers does NOT mean he cannot have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) or other problems wth his brain due to her substance abuse. The school sounds like they are doing almost NOTHING that will actually be effective at helping and educating David. I am sorry. It is so frustrating because we can see the enormous potential of our kids but their advanced knowledge in one or a few areas is often used against them as some type of "proof" that they are purposely misbehaving when they have problems. Sometiems they are, but often they have been TAUGHT to misbehave to get what tehy want. Their poor understanding of social rules makes these problems HUGE for them. I am sorry I don't remember more of the details of his story. I am having memory problems today. On that issue (info, problems remembering details), do you have a Parent Report for each child? I believe that the Parent Report is the most powerful weapon in your Warrior Mom arsenal, second ONLY to love. What is a Parent Report? Long before I joined this family, some of the moms worked out a way to keep ALL the information about our difficult child in ONE binder. Yup. EVERYTHING in ONE binder. It is awesome because you have ALL the details of everything at hand when you walk into any meeting or appointment. (I also found it kinda fun to watch the teachers and doctor's eyes get REALLY WIDE when they realized that the binder was ONLY about difficult child, not the laws, the disorder, or anything else that didn't apply to him. The first time after I started the report it wasn't finished so I added about 100 blank pages to bulk it up, lol. Perception can do a LOT. That and the postit notes on the reference books made them as intimidated as they wanted me to feel when they walked just me into that room with 10 people who were ALL there to tell me how I messed him up and it was my job to make him fit school not the other way around. I was warned about that by a sp ed teacher who adored Wiz. We adore her too, of course!) Anyway, I think a Parent Report could be a HUGE asset for you. You would need one for each difficult child. The link in my signature will take you to the thread that explains the Parent Report and has the outline for it. Don't try to do it all at one time, not for either child. Work on it in chunks. by the way, are you aware that they MUST give you certain notice of IEPs and a phone call doesn't meet the obligation unless you accept it as notification? It is in the federal law that you are supposed to get notice by mail or similar method (and a note sent home with a child does NOT NOT NOT qualify, just in case they try that nonsense!) a certain number of days in advance. For an emergency meeting there may be another accommodation, I am not sure about that. The IEP meeting next week sounds liek they want to change his placement or something. Make SURE you have an advocate, don't sign the IEP right away and if he has had 10 days of suspension then you should probably have an attorney. Actually, if at all possible, it would be wise to have an attorney even if you also have an advocate. I am VERY alarmed that they called the police. He is eleven for crying out loud. Yes, it is never okay to hit someone. I just don't trust schools to not try something nasty to one of our kids. [/QUOTE]
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Sorry but need to vent a bit...this is my other difficult child
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