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Sorry but need to vent a bit...this is my other difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 499869" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>boy do I feel your pain </p><p></p><p>So sorry for him. As I got the results of recent pt, Occupational Therapist (OT), Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) testing i was hit in the face again with how many deficits these kids have and how they are so misunderstood. I asked the principal last time he suspended Q... can you tell me what the goal of this suspension is? One thing he tried to say was well, I have to show the teachers and kids that this is not acceptable. Well, since you are not allowed to tell anyone that you suspended him are you saying that you are breaking the law? OH, Well he needs to learn these things have consequences. UMM again. Do you mean to tell me that you think next time this situation happens you expect he will think, GEE, I better not do this or I will be suspended! Again, stupid. I asked if his goal was to teach Q something... yes. Well that has never happened, research says it does not work (as your son is showing you.... LOVES the vacation, for mine it increases stress because missing school is the END OF THE WORLD and so he worries every time he THINKS someone is mad at him and goes into fight or flight mode.... The whole thing makes no sense. </p><p></p><p>Should he get away with that?? of course not. But the consequence should be related to the issue, AND there should be a way for him to explain and repair the relationship teaching him about using words. A goal to help develop reasoning, to reduce black and white thinking (she MUST take the sweater off... it is the ONLY way to solve the problem) needs to be added to the IEP. He needs visuals in the mean time and a plan to help him immediately when he makes a demand that shows he is in high anxiety mode. If they say he is doing it because he just wants control or some other dumb behavioral thing, explain that the control is only because of the skills he needs... it is all he can do to solve the problem. </p><p></p><p>I am just sick to death of people being lazy and not doing the right thing for kids with these issues. </p><p></p><p>IF that was ME??? I would have taken the sweater off and then called for support, in a true support way.... someone to sit with them and talk it out. With the sweater out of the picture. Ask him how she should get warm? Does he think a shark is nearby? Use a problem solving method that they can work on with him over and over for different kinds of real and pretend problems for practice. I would be embarrassed to tell you that I got into a power struggle with your child over a sweater. I am not kidding here, I have taken jewelry off, used different color pens and pencils, switched chalk if someone thinks a piece is too noisy, whatever... It is not worth escalating a child's anxiety. She could still have worn the sweater but for that moment, to de-escalate the situation, she could have taken it off. </p><p></p><p>Q is his most demanding when he is his most anxious. And it is NOT subtle so it does not take an expert on Q to figure out it is time to use the CIP deescalation protocols or whatever we have identified works for him... I suspect that could happen for him too.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Ok off the soapbox now...</p><p></p><p>Has he had an FBA done? I like them to a degree (some people get very locked into the external reasons for things and a strict category of behaviors only being due to escape, attention, etc...</p><p></p><p>Still, it is a mandated kind of behavior evaluation that requires them to define a problem behavior, analyze what happens before during and after the behavior then to look at alternatives to the situation. IF the issue is the environmental triggers, then may have to switch those up. If the issue is the work is too hard or overwhelming then need to modify that. IF it is "attention" which behavior books and expert teachers say is identified MOST of the time and is LEAST often the real issue.... well then it is important to teach better ways to get attention. NOT TO IGNORE because unless you are in a vacuum, it is nearly impossible to ignore a behavior.. A KID will look or laugh or gasp, a teacher will make a face, they may be forced to react due to safety etc. It is just not a do-able method. BUT you can reduce reinforcing attention and work to help the child thru modeling of correct behavior etc. Besides, it usually is not done to GET attention at first, but attention can increase or decrease a behavior depending on if they get embarrassed. </p><p></p><p>After the FBA is done, they must write a POSITIVE behavior plan. That means that after identifying the target issue, triggers (both internal states, medications, moods, etc. and external...colors, noises, work load, teasing, change in routine etc....), and what people do after that may not be working... as well as identifying what he needs setting wise, supply wise etc... and what he needs to do or to learn to develop skills to do the correct behavior... THEN they write a plan to help develop the skills needed to do the correct behavior and to increase it. NOT a plan to decrease the negative behavior. </p><p></p><p>This is a federal mandate so they must do this. IF he is on an IEP and this is his first suspension, he has only five days left for the rest of the year before a manifestation determination. OUr disability law center says to call for help long before that and it sounds like you did that right away! I sure hope she can help you get an FBA done and that your dumb *** admin (may be good, I dont know them, but this was a bone head decision... go home then, fine but FIVE days, how stupid, you just gave him a great reason to act up if he loves not going to school)</p><p></p><p>If you have a disability law center that can help, call them because once a charge is filed many of them wont help. Better to get them on board first, at least that is what I was told and why they jumped in quickly. </p><p></p><p>Well, in the end it sounds like you got punished for his disability and he got rewarded. Really good. (not)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 499869, member: 12886"] boy do I feel your pain So sorry for him. As I got the results of recent pt, Occupational Therapist (OT), Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) testing i was hit in the face again with how many deficits these kids have and how they are so misunderstood. I asked the principal last time he suspended Q... can you tell me what the goal of this suspension is? One thing he tried to say was well, I have to show the teachers and kids that this is not acceptable. Well, since you are not allowed to tell anyone that you suspended him are you saying that you are breaking the law? OH, Well he needs to learn these things have consequences. UMM again. Do you mean to tell me that you think next time this situation happens you expect he will think, GEE, I better not do this or I will be suspended! Again, stupid. I asked if his goal was to teach Q something... yes. Well that has never happened, research says it does not work (as your son is showing you.... LOVES the vacation, for mine it increases stress because missing school is the END OF THE WORLD and so he worries every time he THINKS someone is mad at him and goes into fight or flight mode.... The whole thing makes no sense. Should he get away with that?? of course not. But the consequence should be related to the issue, AND there should be a way for him to explain and repair the relationship teaching him about using words. A goal to help develop reasoning, to reduce black and white thinking (she MUST take the sweater off... it is the ONLY way to solve the problem) needs to be added to the IEP. He needs visuals in the mean time and a plan to help him immediately when he makes a demand that shows he is in high anxiety mode. If they say he is doing it because he just wants control or some other dumb behavioral thing, explain that the control is only because of the skills he needs... it is all he can do to solve the problem. I am just sick to death of people being lazy and not doing the right thing for kids with these issues. IF that was ME??? I would have taken the sweater off and then called for support, in a true support way.... someone to sit with them and talk it out. With the sweater out of the picture. Ask him how she should get warm? Does he think a shark is nearby? Use a problem solving method that they can work on with him over and over for different kinds of real and pretend problems for practice. I would be embarrassed to tell you that I got into a power struggle with your child over a sweater. I am not kidding here, I have taken jewelry off, used different color pens and pencils, switched chalk if someone thinks a piece is too noisy, whatever... It is not worth escalating a child's anxiety. She could still have worn the sweater but for that moment, to de-escalate the situation, she could have taken it off. Q is his most demanding when he is his most anxious. And it is NOT subtle so it does not take an expert on Q to figure out it is time to use the CIP deescalation protocols or whatever we have identified works for him... I suspect that could happen for him too. Ok off the soapbox now... Has he had an FBA done? I like them to a degree (some people get very locked into the external reasons for things and a strict category of behaviors only being due to escape, attention, etc... Still, it is a mandated kind of behavior evaluation that requires them to define a problem behavior, analyze what happens before during and after the behavior then to look at alternatives to the situation. IF the issue is the environmental triggers, then may have to switch those up. If the issue is the work is too hard or overwhelming then need to modify that. IF it is "attention" which behavior books and expert teachers say is identified MOST of the time and is LEAST often the real issue.... well then it is important to teach better ways to get attention. NOT TO IGNORE because unless you are in a vacuum, it is nearly impossible to ignore a behavior.. A KID will look or laugh or gasp, a teacher will make a face, they may be forced to react due to safety etc. It is just not a do-able method. BUT you can reduce reinforcing attention and work to help the child thru modeling of correct behavior etc. Besides, it usually is not done to GET attention at first, but attention can increase or decrease a behavior depending on if they get embarrassed. After the FBA is done, they must write a POSITIVE behavior plan. That means that after identifying the target issue, triggers (both internal states, medications, moods, etc. and external...colors, noises, work load, teasing, change in routine etc....), and what people do after that may not be working... as well as identifying what he needs setting wise, supply wise etc... and what he needs to do or to learn to develop skills to do the correct behavior... THEN they write a plan to help develop the skills needed to do the correct behavior and to increase it. NOT a plan to decrease the negative behavior. This is a federal mandate so they must do this. IF he is on an IEP and this is his first suspension, he has only five days left for the rest of the year before a manifestation determination. OUr disability law center says to call for help long before that and it sounds like you did that right away! I sure hope she can help you get an FBA done and that your dumb *** admin (may be good, I dont know them, but this was a bone head decision... go home then, fine but FIVE days, how stupid, you just gave him a great reason to act up if he loves not going to school) If you have a disability law center that can help, call them because once a charge is filed many of them wont help. Better to get them on board first, at least that is what I was told and why they jumped in quickly. Well, in the end it sounds like you got punished for his disability and he got rewarded. Really good. (not) [/QUOTE]
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Sorry but need to vent a bit...this is my other difficult child
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