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Sorry but need to vent a bit...this is my other difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 500073" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>That pin that says some autistic kids don't shut up - I WANT ONE!!!</p><p></p><p>With the cause and effect as to why he has these problems - it may not have anything to do with the bio-mom's OD. I was on high doses of salbutamol orally throughout my pregnancy with difficult child 3, plus labour was very difficult, he should have been a caesarean birth. However, although I have asked, nobody is willing to accept that either of these are likely to have a bearing on difficult child 3's autism.</p><p></p><p>Certain congenital defects happen at certain times of pregnancy. It all relates to the time in the pregnancy when this bit or that bit is developing. This is why low folate levels before pregnancy (technically, covering the first few weeks of pregnancy) have a direct bearing on neural tube defects - because the embryo at that stage is developing the mesoderm layer which is where the CNS is made. Depending on when, and for how long, and to what degree there is a lack, determines how bad the defect is.</p><p></p><p>And sometimes some congenital defects just happen. I was born with a dud kidney. It wasn't identified as a problem until I was 20. It sort of worked for the first 20 years but when I got an infection that wouldn't go away, they discovered that the kidney wasn't draining (hence the bacteria, once there, could not be eliminated). Why did that happen to me? We don't know. But it won't be due to drugs, or alcohol. My mother was a teetotal non-smoker living off what the family produced on our own property. I have a sister with a similar kidney problem (only hers drains better) and another sister's daughter with another variation on a theme. This implies a genetic component in our case. But who knows? </p><p></p><p>Sometimes bad things happen to good people. We tend to think too much in terms of cause and effect, of blame and responsibility. But sometimes something just IS. We need to learn to let go where necessary, to avoid tearing ourselves to pieces about stuff.</p><p></p><p>In the same way, when dealing with kids like ours, we need to get them out of the cause and effect trap. If we focus on personal responsibility too much, we teach our children that they can avoid personal responsibility if they can deflect blame elsewhere. It is a difficult lesson to undo. And we are very much programmed to parent this way, so many of us, by the previous generations. "You did that wrong, now you need to fix it up. Take it apart again, then do it over. No, I can't do it for you, because you have to learn."</p><p></p><p>Our kids learn fastest when we work with them. If we help them, then ask them to help us, we are actually teaching them two tasks - theirs and ours. We are also teaching them cooperation, which doesn't come naturally especially to autistic kids.</p><p></p><p>I found when it comes to educating autistic kids, I had to ensure a heavy component of education at home, even when my child was in mainstream. The classroom was such a challenging place for him that he didn't learn anything much there despite having an access to education. Instead, he learnt more academically in the times he was at home (suspension; ill-health) than he ever did in his years attending school every day.</p><p></p><p>That's why I strongly urge parents of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids to turn the home into a creative learning centre, an enriched environment. Always have higher expectations of your child than are realistic - because especially if there are savant skills in there, they need extending and valuing. difficult child 3 was exposed to the enrichment material of his older siblings, so at the age of 6 he had read his father's first aid textbook cover to cover and memorised most of the techniques. He had taken on board a lot of the educational notes I stuck behind the toilet door (so those sitting in contemplation had something to contemplate!). If your child takes it on board, then great! if not, at least it is there somewhere below their consciousness. And your guests will find themselves learning things they never thought they would need! My BFF reckons that she can now recite the definition of Avagadro's number from memory, purely from the time she has spent in our loo.</p><p></p><p>In our house, we love blu-tak.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 500073, member: 1991"] That pin that says some autistic kids don't shut up - I WANT ONE!!! With the cause and effect as to why he has these problems - it may not have anything to do with the bio-mom's OD. I was on high doses of salbutamol orally throughout my pregnancy with difficult child 3, plus labour was very difficult, he should have been a caesarean birth. However, although I have asked, nobody is willing to accept that either of these are likely to have a bearing on difficult child 3's autism. Certain congenital defects happen at certain times of pregnancy. It all relates to the time in the pregnancy when this bit or that bit is developing. This is why low folate levels before pregnancy (technically, covering the first few weeks of pregnancy) have a direct bearing on neural tube defects - because the embryo at that stage is developing the mesoderm layer which is where the CNS is made. Depending on when, and for how long, and to what degree there is a lack, determines how bad the defect is. And sometimes some congenital defects just happen. I was born with a dud kidney. It wasn't identified as a problem until I was 20. It sort of worked for the first 20 years but when I got an infection that wouldn't go away, they discovered that the kidney wasn't draining (hence the bacteria, once there, could not be eliminated). Why did that happen to me? We don't know. But it won't be due to drugs, or alcohol. My mother was a teetotal non-smoker living off what the family produced on our own property. I have a sister with a similar kidney problem (only hers drains better) and another sister's daughter with another variation on a theme. This implies a genetic component in our case. But who knows? Sometimes bad things happen to good people. We tend to think too much in terms of cause and effect, of blame and responsibility. But sometimes something just IS. We need to learn to let go where necessary, to avoid tearing ourselves to pieces about stuff. In the same way, when dealing with kids like ours, we need to get them out of the cause and effect trap. If we focus on personal responsibility too much, we teach our children that they can avoid personal responsibility if they can deflect blame elsewhere. It is a difficult lesson to undo. And we are very much programmed to parent this way, so many of us, by the previous generations. "You did that wrong, now you need to fix it up. Take it apart again, then do it over. No, I can't do it for you, because you have to learn." Our kids learn fastest when we work with them. If we help them, then ask them to help us, we are actually teaching them two tasks - theirs and ours. We are also teaching them cooperation, which doesn't come naturally especially to autistic kids. I found when it comes to educating autistic kids, I had to ensure a heavy component of education at home, even when my child was in mainstream. The classroom was such a challenging place for him that he didn't learn anything much there despite having an access to education. Instead, he learnt more academically in the times he was at home (suspension; ill-health) than he ever did in his years attending school every day. That's why I strongly urge parents of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids to turn the home into a creative learning centre, an enriched environment. Always have higher expectations of your child than are realistic - because especially if there are savant skills in there, they need extending and valuing. difficult child 3 was exposed to the enrichment material of his older siblings, so at the age of 6 he had read his father's first aid textbook cover to cover and memorised most of the techniques. He had taken on board a lot of the educational notes I stuck behind the toilet door (so those sitting in contemplation had something to contemplate!). If your child takes it on board, then great! if not, at least it is there somewhere below their consciousness. And your guests will find themselves learning things they never thought they would need! My BFF reckons that she can now recite the definition of Avagadro's number from memory, purely from the time she has spent in our loo. In our house, we love blu-tak. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Sorry but need to vent a bit...this is my other difficult child
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