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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 393350" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>Wow... I so get exactly where you are coming from.</p><p> </p><p>We've had to deal with "little spy" for years. Since BM originally had residential (shared parenting though), she told the kids all kinds of stuff. Denied visits and then told them he never showed up or he cancelled. On one memorable occasion when Jett asked about Bubbles, she told him Bubbles was dead (and the pup is alive, well, and definitely a difficult child). She "never" got support from husband. <strong><em>I</em></strong> was the reason they split up (kids had some problems with this, as they <em>knew</em> husband didn't meet me till way after the split; but Onyxx still tried to believe it).</p><p> </p><p>They wanted BM to love them so much they would do anything for that love. Jett, not so much - because he never knew when he was going to get to see Daddy again, and pretty much is off in his own little world. Onyxx, though, spied, stole, created drama, lied... It was horrible. (And during the last 2 years she was being molested by BM's boyfriend, but figured it was worth it if BM loved her.)</p><p> </p><p>And then one day... We had gone to court, because we had a restraining order on BM's boyfriend (due to the abuse of Onyxx)... And Onyxx wanted her stuff from BM's house. So husband went over there, took the kids, and a peace officer. When BM showed up she started screaming at husband. Refusing to let Onyxx have anything. And something finally clicked in Onyxx's 13-y/o brain - OMG! (husband was on the phone that evening with the lawyer when Onyxx looked up and said... "My Mommy is an itch-bay". husband and I just lost it laughing - I mean, what can you do?!)</p><p> </p><p>The next few months were a bit odd. The major tension in our house was GONE. But Onyxx was still sorting through her feelings. On the one hand, she still wanted BM to love her. On the other, she didn't understand what she could have done to make BM hate her so much. That's settled some. But she and I have talked, and agree - she hates her mom, and loves her too. And this is OK.</p><p> </p><p>So keep in mind - stepGFG is a little older, has heard a lot. She may "get it" - or she may not. You and husband have an excellent plan. And you know what? Let HIM shop for her... IF he wants to. I mean, naughtiness deserves lumps of coal, right?!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 393350, member: 6705"] Wow... I so get exactly where you are coming from. We've had to deal with "little spy" for years. Since BM originally had residential (shared parenting though), she told the kids all kinds of stuff. Denied visits and then told them he never showed up or he cancelled. On one memorable occasion when Jett asked about Bubbles, she told him Bubbles was dead (and the pup is alive, well, and definitely a difficult child). She "never" got support from husband. [B][I]I[/I][/B] was the reason they split up (kids had some problems with this, as they [I]knew[/I] husband didn't meet me till way after the split; but Onyxx still tried to believe it). They wanted BM to love them so much they would do anything for that love. Jett, not so much - because he never knew when he was going to get to see Daddy again, and pretty much is off in his own little world. Onyxx, though, spied, stole, created drama, lied... It was horrible. (And during the last 2 years she was being molested by BM's boyfriend, but figured it was worth it if BM loved her.) And then one day... We had gone to court, because we had a restraining order on BM's boyfriend (due to the abuse of Onyxx)... And Onyxx wanted her stuff from BM's house. So husband went over there, took the kids, and a peace officer. When BM showed up she started screaming at husband. Refusing to let Onyxx have anything. And something finally clicked in Onyxx's 13-y/o brain - OMG! (husband was on the phone that evening with the lawyer when Onyxx looked up and said... "My Mommy is an itch-bay". husband and I just lost it laughing - I mean, what can you do?!) The next few months were a bit odd. The major tension in our house was GONE. But Onyxx was still sorting through her feelings. On the one hand, she still wanted BM to love her. On the other, she didn't understand what she could have done to make BM hate her so much. That's settled some. But she and I have talked, and agree - she hates her mom, and loves her too. And this is OK. So keep in mind - stepGFG is a little older, has heard a lot. She may "get it" - or she may not. You and husband have an excellent plan. And you know what? Let HIM shop for her... IF he wants to. I mean, naughtiness deserves lumps of coal, right?! [/QUOTE]
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