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Step forward for difficult child - He is learning to say no
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 575167" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Buddy, you are right. Being open to advice and willing to try ideas his mental coach gives him is huge. Part of it is, that this guy really seems to know how to handle difficult child. And because it is not therapy but really more like life coaching, he can be more direct in his approach. But of course it is up to difficult child to decide he wants to try following those directives. And that willingness to try is a huge change in him. </p><p></p><p>Still for me the process at times seems so frustratingly slow. difficult child is a smart boy, it shouldn't take him so long to connect the dots. But it does and I try to remind myself that for him it is not about what he intellectually knows would be a smart thing to do or what he knows others would do, but obstacles he has to tackle lie elsewhere. Even when he knows what would be a smart thing to do, it is often not easy for him. </p><p></p><p>This particular step is a good example. He has known for a long time others are at times using him. He has felt bad about it and been angry. He has even talked about it to me. And after he showed me his 'workbook' early last fall, I know learning to set boundaries for friends trying to use him has been on the list they are working for. difficult child has been well aware he has been used, he hasn't liked it, he has been advised what to do to prevent it, but not only has he needed his mental coach's coaching to do it, he has needed 'second opinions.' I don't know if he has asked those or if they have been volunteered to him without asking. People giving them are the ones who do try to make difficult child feel welcomed in his town and who do take time to try to help difficult child navigate his life. And probably all of them would know how difficult child's local friends were taking advantage of him without him telling about it. It is a small city, everyone knows everyone and people talk. Knowing how these things tend to go, I'm sure difficult child's team mates, team management and others with vested interest in him probably knew very well that he was being used. And most of them probably didn't like that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 575167, member: 14557"] Buddy, you are right. Being open to advice and willing to try ideas his mental coach gives him is huge. Part of it is, that this guy really seems to know how to handle difficult child. And because it is not therapy but really more like life coaching, he can be more direct in his approach. But of course it is up to difficult child to decide he wants to try following those directives. And that willingness to try is a huge change in him. Still for me the process at times seems so frustratingly slow. difficult child is a smart boy, it shouldn't take him so long to connect the dots. But it does and I try to remind myself that for him it is not about what he intellectually knows would be a smart thing to do or what he knows others would do, but obstacles he has to tackle lie elsewhere. Even when he knows what would be a smart thing to do, it is often not easy for him. This particular step is a good example. He has known for a long time others are at times using him. He has felt bad about it and been angry. He has even talked about it to me. And after he showed me his 'workbook' early last fall, I know learning to set boundaries for friends trying to use him has been on the list they are working for. difficult child has been well aware he has been used, he hasn't liked it, he has been advised what to do to prevent it, but not only has he needed his mental coach's coaching to do it, he has needed 'second opinions.' I don't know if he has asked those or if they have been volunteered to him without asking. People giving them are the ones who do try to make difficult child feel welcomed in his town and who do take time to try to help difficult child navigate his life. And probably all of them would know how difficult child's local friends were taking advantage of him without him telling about it. It is a small city, everyone knows everyone and people talk. Knowing how these things tend to go, I'm sure difficult child's team mates, team management and others with vested interest in him probably knew very well that he was being used. And most of them probably didn't like that. [/QUOTE]
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Step forward for difficult child - He is learning to say no
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