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Substance Abuse
Step-Mom in need of help!
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 487837"><p>Hi and welcome, </p><p></p><p>I think there is a process for parents who are dealing with kids who are drug addicts etc.... we have to get to the point where we have had enough of the enabling and being lied to, stole from etc. We have to get to the point where we are no longer will to let it ruin our own lives but want to move on....I think it is really hard when the child is still under 16.</p><p></p><p>Sounds like your step daughters mother has reached that point and that is why daughter turned to her dad. He has not gotten there yet. You are there and it makes sense that you are there first because she is your step daughter rather than your daughter... and I think often women get there before men. That might not be true but was certainly true at my house.</p><p></p><p>So I think you need to let your husband get there in his own way. However one thing you might be able to do to help him along... find a good parents alanon meeting and go. You will probably find it helpful and maybe if you find a good one your husband will go with you.</p><p></p><p>I also think you need to figure out for you what you can stand and what you need to do to protect your son. You might need to be really clear with your husband about what those things are. You may need to impress upon him the imprortance to you of protecting your son. He might not like that and he may not feel you really understand the agony he is going through with his daughter. I would stay away from any critisism of his daughter, any pointing out of how he is enabling her etc... just focus on what you need and what your son needs.</p><p></p><p>Good luck and let us know how it goes.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 487837"] Hi and welcome, I think there is a process for parents who are dealing with kids who are drug addicts etc.... we have to get to the point where we have had enough of the enabling and being lied to, stole from etc. We have to get to the point where we are no longer will to let it ruin our own lives but want to move on....I think it is really hard when the child is still under 16. Sounds like your step daughters mother has reached that point and that is why daughter turned to her dad. He has not gotten there yet. You are there and it makes sense that you are there first because she is your step daughter rather than your daughter... and I think often women get there before men. That might not be true but was certainly true at my house. So I think you need to let your husband get there in his own way. However one thing you might be able to do to help him along... find a good parents alanon meeting and go. You will probably find it helpful and maybe if you find a good one your husband will go with you. I also think you need to figure out for you what you can stand and what you need to do to protect your son. You might need to be really clear with your husband about what those things are. You may need to impress upon him the imprortance to you of protecting your son. He might not like that and he may not feel you really understand the agony he is going through with his daughter. I would stay away from any critisism of his daughter, any pointing out of how he is enabling her etc... just focus on what you need and what your son needs. Good luck and let us know how it goes. TL [/QUOTE]
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