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Substance Abuse
Step-Mom in need of help!
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<blockquote data-quote="Zardo" data-source="post: 487898" data-attributes="member: 12490"><p>When my 15 year old son was knee deep in substance abuse - defiance - refusal of school work - in our face screaming at us every night over requests to turn the computer off and do homework - my husband and I were divided for a time and it only made the situation worse. At the time, my husband's approach was to get in my son's face and scream back which I felt justified my son's behavior in his mind. We learned over time not to react to him, to set grounds rules and remain unemotional (which can be impossible at times). Through counseling, we learned how to make agreements prior to talking to him and to calmly inform him of expectations and support each other in our effort to remain unemotional when dealing with him. It's not always perfect, but there are no longer repeated screaming matches, nothing being thrown in the house and we have not called the police in about 1 year. I suggest you start with a counselor who has a lot of experience dealing with this type of kid. We needed someone to "coach" us through the storm. It's your household and you have a younger sibling to protect. We had informed our son several times that his behavior was not acceptable, we did not want our 12 year old daughter living in a home with this type of choas, not to mention the drugs he was hiding in his room. In the end, we could not break through with him until we sent him away for 3 months to an intensive Wilderness program. The family work we did during that time helped us all to heal and to find common ground as parents. I have now also found programs in the local community for intensive outpatient substance abuse programs and anger management services for adolescents. You would be surprised what is available and how it helps. Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Zardo, post: 487898, member: 12490"] When my 15 year old son was knee deep in substance abuse - defiance - refusal of school work - in our face screaming at us every night over requests to turn the computer off and do homework - my husband and I were divided for a time and it only made the situation worse. At the time, my husband's approach was to get in my son's face and scream back which I felt justified my son's behavior in his mind. We learned over time not to react to him, to set grounds rules and remain unemotional (which can be impossible at times). Through counseling, we learned how to make agreements prior to talking to him and to calmly inform him of expectations and support each other in our effort to remain unemotional when dealing with him. It's not always perfect, but there are no longer repeated screaming matches, nothing being thrown in the house and we have not called the police in about 1 year. I suggest you start with a counselor who has a lot of experience dealing with this type of kid. We needed someone to "coach" us through the storm. It's your household and you have a younger sibling to protect. We had informed our son several times that his behavior was not acceptable, we did not want our 12 year old daughter living in a home with this type of choas, not to mention the drugs he was hiding in his room. In the end, we could not break through with him until we sent him away for 3 months to an intensive Wilderness program. The family work we did during that time helped us all to heal and to find common ground as parents. I have now also found programs in the local community for intensive outpatient substance abuse programs and anger management services for adolescents. You would be surprised what is available and how it helps. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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