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Step Parent - Help!!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 606645" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>First of all, how old are the kids? I think that if stepson is asking for therapy, he is saying, "I really need it" and he should get it. Anyhow...</p><p></p><p>My son is somewhat in your situation. He has a five year old very bright son who is with him 50% of the time and with ex and her new honey 50% of the time. My son doesn't say anything bad about either one, but 5 year old is not happy with Boyfriend. I think maybe you should back off the parenting part and let your hub parent with his ex. You aren't their parent. Also, although how Mom parents may drive you nuts, but legally she can leave the kids w ith sitters on her time and it's ok to the courts. Often both sides think the other is a totally horrible parent, but how each spends his/her parenting time is up to that parent. Often kids go from one house with not many rules to another with strict rules and that is how they have to live...inconsistently, but it isn't something that the court will remedy. I know a lot about custody cases these days, unfortunately. The only thing the court considers in taking away custody is if the child is in danger or abused and it has to be proven.</p><p></p><p>This a very touchy situation for the kids. I feel for kids of divorce. They want to please both parents and often try hard to do so. Often, they are not happy when Mom or Dad remarry or get a significant other as they feel their dad/mom should really still be with their other parent (right or wrong, fair or not). And they often resent a step coming in and acting like a parent. </p><p></p><p>My son thinks his ex is the worst parent on earth, but he knows his son still loves her. In the end, what she does is out of your control. I certainly would NOT interact with Mom. And I'd be the best friend to the k ids that you can be. When the kids get stuff from you, my guess is they are thinking "I'm getting this from Dad." </p><p></p><p>Often if steps get too involved, the kids think the stepparent doesn't like them and gets rebellious and resentful. My husband was a step for a while and two of my kids were teens. We pretty much agreed that I would parent the kids with ex and he'd be like a friend. Worked out really well. Just a few thoughts and suggestions. Sorry I can't help more. These are very touchy situations. Some stepmothers may get angry at me, but I don't think steps should get too involved in the parenting. It sure didn't work here when my husband did. The kids just hated him until he let their father be the father. Now they all get along great. </p><p></p><p>You may also want to get involved in family counseling, minus ex, of course. That could help you. Keep us updated!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 606645, member: 1550"] First of all, how old are the kids? I think that if stepson is asking for therapy, he is saying, "I really need it" and he should get it. Anyhow... My son is somewhat in your situation. He has a five year old very bright son who is with him 50% of the time and with ex and her new honey 50% of the time. My son doesn't say anything bad about either one, but 5 year old is not happy with Boyfriend. I think maybe you should back off the parenting part and let your hub parent with his ex. You aren't their parent. Also, although how Mom parents may drive you nuts, but legally she can leave the kids w ith sitters on her time and it's ok to the courts. Often both sides think the other is a totally horrible parent, but how each spends his/her parenting time is up to that parent. Often kids go from one house with not many rules to another with strict rules and that is how they have to live...inconsistently, but it isn't something that the court will remedy. I know a lot about custody cases these days, unfortunately. The only thing the court considers in taking away custody is if the child is in danger or abused and it has to be proven. This a very touchy situation for the kids. I feel for kids of divorce. They want to please both parents and often try hard to do so. Often, they are not happy when Mom or Dad remarry or get a significant other as they feel their dad/mom should really still be with their other parent (right or wrong, fair or not). And they often resent a step coming in and acting like a parent. My son thinks his ex is the worst parent on earth, but he knows his son still loves her. In the end, what she does is out of your control. I certainly would NOT interact with Mom. And I'd be the best friend to the k ids that you can be. When the kids get stuff from you, my guess is they are thinking "I'm getting this from Dad." Often if steps get too involved, the kids think the stepparent doesn't like them and gets rebellious and resentful. My husband was a step for a while and two of my kids were teens. We pretty much agreed that I would parent the kids with ex and he'd be like a friend. Worked out really well. Just a few thoughts and suggestions. Sorry I can't help more. These are very touchy situations. Some stepmothers may get angry at me, but I don't think steps should get too involved in the parenting. It sure didn't work here when my husband did. The kids just hated him until he let their father be the father. Now they all get along great. You may also want to get involved in family counseling, minus ex, of course. That could help you. Keep us updated! [/QUOTE]
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