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Step Parent - Help!!
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 606646" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Sending supportive thoughts your way. I have not lived through the same circumstances but my husband and I got married when all of our children were middle school/high school age ( we each had three, by the way ). Based on my now almost forty years experience I "think" that you may be making the same mistake I made. If not...feel free to say so, lol!</p><p></p><p>Bottom line of our joint parenting difficulties was ME. Yep, that's right. I fell in love with husband because he was kind, soft spoken, loved his children, helped with meals, had a good sense of humor AND never raised his voice to any of the six children. All those traits were true and still are true. The problem??? I ended up being "the boss" by default. He didn't like <u>and still</u> doesn't like the negative side of parenting. Whether it is your week or her week I very strongly advise that you make sure to spend a few minutes each day talking about the children. If there's something good to share...great! If you are concerned (OR feeling put upon) share it! Don't let him sit back and be everyone's good guy and then "follow your orders" when something big happens. It is NOT fair to you or the children. HE made the children and HE must be the primary parent.</p><p></p><p>by the way, don't waste your time worrying about Ex's sex life, drug life, housekeeping, money management, manner of dress OR whether she wants your husband back. You have NO control over that. Your husband likely knows all that and more.</p><p>You are not in competition and you are not the primary parent. You are a special, stable and loving adult who can make a huge difference in the children's lives. Draw your line in the sand. It will help all of you. Hugs. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 606646, member: 35"] Sending supportive thoughts your way. I have not lived through the same circumstances but my husband and I got married when all of our children were middle school/high school age ( we each had three, by the way ). Based on my now almost forty years experience I "think" that you may be making the same mistake I made. If not...feel free to say so, lol! Bottom line of our joint parenting difficulties was ME. Yep, that's right. I fell in love with husband because he was kind, soft spoken, loved his children, helped with meals, had a good sense of humor AND never raised his voice to any of the six children. All those traits were true and still are true. The problem??? I ended up being "the boss" by default. He didn't like [U]and still[/U] doesn't like the negative side of parenting. Whether it is your week or her week I very strongly advise that you make sure to spend a few minutes each day talking about the children. If there's something good to share...great! If you are concerned (OR feeling put upon) share it! Don't let him sit back and be everyone's good guy and then "follow your orders" when something big happens. It is NOT fair to you or the children. HE made the children and HE must be the primary parent. by the way, don't waste your time worrying about Ex's sex life, drug life, housekeeping, money management, manner of dress OR whether she wants your husband back. You have NO control over that. Your husband likely knows all that and more. You are not in competition and you are not the primary parent. You are a special, stable and loving adult who can make a huge difference in the children's lives. Draw your line in the sand. It will help all of you. Hugs. DDD [/QUOTE]
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