Stepson's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) Closing... options? coming home possibility?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jcox, Apr 30, 2009.

  1. jcox

    jcox New Member

    I really need some support. I feel so sick my stomach hurts, feel like I am going to puke, going to have an anxiety attack etc.

    We have a big decision to make. My 15 y.o stepson just called us and let us know that his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that we worked so hard to get him into where he has been since October is being shut down. He said the state can not afford to keep it open, that there have been many situations that had investigators there. He told me stories about how a boy got raped by two other boys, there was a riot on the football field... all this during the past month when the state was investigating. He told me that the state has been there everyday, but the staff are telling the kids it is closing due to financial reasons. That sounds like a bunch of bull to me. It sounds like they are closing due to state violations. I just talked to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) worker and she told me that it was do to financial reasons. They are not meeting thier quota and not making any financial gains because they have so many empty beds without kids to fill them so the owner decided to shut down.

    6 y.o ds is manic today. Running circles around the kitchen even before talking about this. Nothing major and no behavioral issues really, just silly manicy. Should not have said that because now he just pulled the dogs tail....

    I am so torn in what to do. My stomach feels sick right now. I feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack. I said that I was not going to let him back in my house, but hubby does not want him in another foster home, which his worker at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) told him is the plan. He said they are talking about putting him in a therapeutic foster home. Those so called "Therapeutic" Foster Homes are a big joke. He was in them before and went through four of them before his hospitalization, CBAT, and Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placements. Neither my hubby or I want him to go through that again. All the months of fighting we did to get him in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) are gone down the drain. Last month his therapist from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) told me she thought Charlie would need atleast another year in the program. Now it is closing so they want to send him to a foster home... not another Residential Treatment Center (RTC). This makes no sense. I feel like I am going to puke. My nerves are going crazy.

    Could he have changed so much since last Memorial Day when we gave him to DCF? Maybe in a year he could have changed? Learned some lessons? Really learn that home is the best place and follow the rules?

    When I talked to him today he was crying saying he would do anything he could to just come home. He said he would take medications if he needed to, go to counseling, follow the house rules, etc.

    Here are a list of things that made us give him to DCF and get him out of the house:

    Not following rules
    Doing drugs... weed and having it in our house stuffed in a teddy bear
    Running away
    Cutting himself
    Physically fighting with my husband
    Disrespecting me
    Giving E a "smoke" which we still don't know if it was weed or a cigarette but E was only 5 at the time and he smoked it.

    Then after he was out of the house last summer E was more hypersexual than ever at daycare often touching little girls. One day on the way home my husband and I asked him if anyone ever touched him like that. He said "I don't know". We went down a list of names with C being the first. He said "Yes. C touched my winky". Nothing more ever came of that. I know that was the wrong way to go about it and regret asking him that way now. C says that E touched him and he said "How do you like it?" and touched him back once. E said it was once. It is not clear what happened and most likely will never be. E is fine around him and does not show any anxiety which he has major anxiety issues. C came for a home visit on Saturday and E was just fine and happy to see him. The girls say that they would be fine with him coming home. E was hypersexual way before that due to his BiPolar (BP). But if C touched my son then I don't want him back in my house, but if he didn't then I don't want to traumatize him more by abandoning him to the system... I don't think another Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is an option. They did not mention it as one. Also I believe it would not work for him. It takes so long for him to open up to people and he is just opening up to his worker there to have it come to this. This is the hardest decision I ever had to make so far. This is harder than the other hardest decisions of starting E on medications and sending him to the psychiatric hospital.

    I think that maybe we should give him a chance to see how it goes having him home with the help of DCF. We could ask for DCF visits weekly and intensive outpatient treatment. I know that I could easily get him FST... family stabilization team that is like our mobile psychiatric unit. I know that DCF has what are called Trackers. Trackers actually follow the kids around to make sure they are where they say they are going to be and not doing drugs and stuff. I wonder if we could get him drug tested? I would like to keep his CHINS open for now as it is still open until September, but we are scheduled to go back to court in June for a review. I wonder if I could ask for an earlier court date. I am worried like crazy about making the right decision. Please help me decide what to do... although I know that only I can make this decision. I really need some support right now. I know that everything happens for a reason and maybe this reason is for him to come home.

    E said he would like him to come home and he would pay me 58 cents if I let C come home so I know he would be fine with it because Elijah loves his money.

    I wonder if he had the right services if he would do okay? Our local school system who is going half and half with DCF paying for his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement has told us that they have several programs right inside the high school such as three different alternative programs. One is like a therapeutic school right inside the school, another is a partial schooling program, another is a night program for kids who can't make it in the day program for whatever reason. I wonder if they would agree to take him back? If not there is a therapeutic school in the next town over that is a special school for children with Social Emotional Needs. I know that his school pushes to keep kids there though since they have thier own alternative options. I really need some prayers that the right decisions be made for our family. This is so tough.

    I should add that my stepson has a history of being abandoned. My hubby went to jail when C was a baby. Then a couple months later his bio mom went to jail and left him with his gram who abused him phsyically, mentally, allowed the half brother to abuse him sexually then beat C when he told, and more abuse as well as neglect happened there. They moved often, did not give new contact info, so hubby and I lost contact so C felt abandoned by hubby too when it was not our fault. He lived that nightmare for ten years. I am wanting to hear others opinions on what would be the best option here....
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is my opinion based on a horrendous experience in our home with a foster child that we adopted at age 11. We learned that some kids can't be saved and they can hurt other kids.

    If you bring him home, assume he molested your son. Treat the move as if you have a sexual predator at home because you probably do. Kids don't lie about that, but they DO tend to minimize it. Your SS may have done a lot more to your son than just touching him, especially with SS's history of sexual abuse. I'd make sure he was never alone with C EVER and put an alarm on E's door at night (and maybe C's too). We were told to put a videocamera in the rooms as well if we wanted to bring our son back home, but we decided not to take the risk. We never saw him after we called CPS. It turned out that he had abused our younger kids for three years and we hadn't known and they had been too scared of him to tell us--he said he'd burn the house down and kill everyone and they believed him. You really need a special type of therapist to work with your son. If he was molested, it needs to be addressed or it will likely affect him later on in a very negative way.
    Although I agree that therapeutic foster care is a joke (we did it, but we got no training for it and quit), I don't know if I'd feel comfortable having him come home. If you do, you certainly should have a safety plan in place.
     
  3. habibi

    habibi New Member

    jcox, I sent you a private message.
     
  4. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Oh I'm so sorry this has to be so hard, midwest mom gave some really good idea's about the alarms on doors and a nannycam would be a good idea too. You're really going to have your hands full watching this one if he comes back, have some very clear house rules and I would only allow him to be in his room & public areas of the house - not in anyone elses bedrooms or basement etc.
     
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