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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 362927" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Excellent points, Star. Thanks. I have told Jess to let us do the hanging up. She says she just doesn't want to hear his voice. I have told her to screen calls and if she hears him to tell us. If she is home alone to just do what she is comfortable with. </p><p></p><p>I did take time today to sit and really think about why it has taken me so long to end my relationship with him. Part of it is the way I was raised, to take his koi and often the blame for it. To put "family" ahead of my "petty personal problems" with another family member. I also looked at what his influence has done to my kids. </p><p></p><p>I am ashamed of myself. I let childhood patterns influence what I knew was best for my kids. I let my mother, esp, sway me away from what I knew was best for my kids.</p><p></p><p>I am not going to continue to be ashamed that I let him hurt my kids. Period. My parents will not ever cut ties - that is their right. I do not have to do what they do. My husband is even willing to move away from this town that he loves if it will get bro off our case. No amount of distance will do that. He would just show up with his child to stay with us for "a while". </p><p></p><p>But we do not have to leave the home and town we love. He can move if it bugs him that much.</p><p></p><p>husband reminded me that when he went to alanon a few years ago my mother got VERY angry. She was very insistent prior to that that his father was a raging alcoholic (he isn't) but as soon as husband went to alanon she was angry because "no one with alcohol problems affects YOU. Who do YOU have to deal with in alanon?" Being AWESOME my husband told her that the anonymous stood for not telling others what was said in meetings. Mom was livid that I would not then tell her what husband was working on in alanon.</p><p></p><p>Right then we should have cut ties.. Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 362927, member: 1233"] Excellent points, Star. Thanks. I have told Jess to let us do the hanging up. She says she just doesn't want to hear his voice. I have told her to screen calls and if she hears him to tell us. If she is home alone to just do what she is comfortable with. I did take time today to sit and really think about why it has taken me so long to end my relationship with him. Part of it is the way I was raised, to take his koi and often the blame for it. To put "family" ahead of my "petty personal problems" with another family member. I also looked at what his influence has done to my kids. I am ashamed of myself. I let childhood patterns influence what I knew was best for my kids. I let my mother, esp, sway me away from what I knew was best for my kids. I am not going to continue to be ashamed that I let him hurt my kids. Period. My parents will not ever cut ties - that is their right. I do not have to do what they do. My husband is even willing to move away from this town that he loves if it will get bro off our case. No amount of distance will do that. He would just show up with his child to stay with us for "a while". But we do not have to leave the home and town we love. He can move if it bugs him that much. husband reminded me that when he went to alanon a few years ago my mother got VERY angry. She was very insistent prior to that that his father was a raging alcoholic (he isn't) but as soon as husband went to alanon she was angry because "no one with alcohol problems affects YOU. Who do YOU have to deal with in alanon?" Being AWESOME my husband told her that the anonymous stood for not telling others what was said in meetings. Mom was livid that I would not then tell her what husband was working on in alanon. Right then we should have cut ties.. Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it? [/QUOTE]
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