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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 242055" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It sounds like the teachers just cant do proactive as you would like. It also sounds like they have certain expectations based on difficult child's age and really don't seem to understand that some kids just can't be made to fit the pattern of what is normal. </p><p></p><p>That means you have to step in and fill the gap. I get that you feel you shouldn't have to - but if parents like us don't step into the breach, then our kids are totally lost.</p><p></p><p>At least the teachers are making opportunities to listen to you. It could be worse - they could be ignoring anything you say and doing what THEY feel is right and thereby making things much worse.</p><p></p><p>You need to speak plainly and simply. Take notes if necessary. Write a point-form sheet for them if you can.</p><p></p><p>"difficult child has a diagnosis of ... As a result he has difficulty with ... You will observe this in the following situations - [list the typical classroom scenarios where he has trouble]. He is on the following treatment. He has difficulty with homework because medications wear off by the time he gets home from school [I use this as an example]. He also needs as little distraction as possible between him and the teaching focus of the room. He cannot be expected to perform at age level in the following areas:... On the positive side, he wants to please you. He is bright. He does well with habit and routine. If you want to motivate him, use praise because you will find it really, really works well with him. Use positive statements with him rather than negative. Example: if he's repeatedly tapping a pencil don't say, 'difficult child, stop tapping the pencil,' instead say 'difficult child, put your pencil down while you're thinking of what to write next.' "</p><p></p><p>I've often found that teachers want input from me in order to have some idea of how best to meet difficult child 3's needs (or difficult child 1's, in his day). However, if they have any idea of how to go forward, they did sometimes contribute. I turned up to meetings a few times to find the treachers saying, "We've tried giving him a written list to tick off, of the things he needs to do to get going in the mornings. It seems to help him. And we have a voucher system for rewards, his reward when he earns enough points is free time on the classroomo computer. I also use his expertise on computer as the classroom expert, which has boosted his standing in the eyes of the other students."</p><p></p><p>When difficult child 3 was in pre-school they used his extraordinary abilities to get him to help the other students, but they quickly found they needed to supervise because difficult child 3 wasn't very patient. But what did work for them (again, their idea) was getting him to read out the roll at rollcall time. They also would get him to read a story to the other kids. </p><p></p><p>Teachers can contribute ideas, but only if they have some sort of understanding. The two extremes are - either the teacher isn't proactive but instead is like a limp fish, waiting for someone else (like a parent) to show some spine and tell them how to do it; or they are over-confident and determined that the parent has got it wrong and all the kid needs is a firm hand and their bluff called. With the first one - at least you have the chance to have input.</p><p></p><p>Ropefree, I can't emphasise enough - you need to keep it really simple, cut it back to basics. You probably privately consider the teachers to be brainless idiots - OK, address them as such (politely - they can't help it, poor things). The simpler you make it, the easier it should be for them to do what you want.</p><p></p><p>I also strongly recommend you add to the list, the use of a Communication Book. From my own experience, it cut back on problems and reduced the number of "please come and rescue us" calls from the school. It didn't eliminate the problems, of course, but it did make response much faster and much better coordinated. It boosted communication between school and home which then led to a greater chance for teachers suggesting something positive and constructive, that also had a chance to work.</p><p></p><p>It's a pain to have to do the thinking for the schools, but at least they have given the opportunity to do so.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 242055, member: 1991"] It sounds like the teachers just cant do proactive as you would like. It also sounds like they have certain expectations based on difficult child's age and really don't seem to understand that some kids just can't be made to fit the pattern of what is normal. That means you have to step in and fill the gap. I get that you feel you shouldn't have to - but if parents like us don't step into the breach, then our kids are totally lost. At least the teachers are making opportunities to listen to you. It could be worse - they could be ignoring anything you say and doing what THEY feel is right and thereby making things much worse. You need to speak plainly and simply. Take notes if necessary. Write a point-form sheet for them if you can. "difficult child has a diagnosis of ... As a result he has difficulty with ... You will observe this in the following situations - [list the typical classroom scenarios where he has trouble]. He is on the following treatment. He has difficulty with homework because medications wear off by the time he gets home from school [I use this as an example]. He also needs as little distraction as possible between him and the teaching focus of the room. He cannot be expected to perform at age level in the following areas:... On the positive side, he wants to please you. He is bright. He does well with habit and routine. If you want to motivate him, use praise because you will find it really, really works well with him. Use positive statements with him rather than negative. Example: if he's repeatedly tapping a pencil don't say, 'difficult child, stop tapping the pencil,' instead say 'difficult child, put your pencil down while you're thinking of what to write next.' " I've often found that teachers want input from me in order to have some idea of how best to meet difficult child 3's needs (or difficult child 1's, in his day). However, if they have any idea of how to go forward, they did sometimes contribute. I turned up to meetings a few times to find the treachers saying, "We've tried giving him a written list to tick off, of the things he needs to do to get going in the mornings. It seems to help him. And we have a voucher system for rewards, his reward when he earns enough points is free time on the classroomo computer. I also use his expertise on computer as the classroom expert, which has boosted his standing in the eyes of the other students." When difficult child 3 was in pre-school they used his extraordinary abilities to get him to help the other students, but they quickly found they needed to supervise because difficult child 3 wasn't very patient. But what did work for them (again, their idea) was getting him to read out the roll at rollcall time. They also would get him to read a story to the other kids. Teachers can contribute ideas, but only if they have some sort of understanding. The two extremes are - either the teacher isn't proactive but instead is like a limp fish, waiting for someone else (like a parent) to show some spine and tell them how to do it; or they are over-confident and determined that the parent has got it wrong and all the kid needs is a firm hand and their bluff called. With the first one - at least you have the chance to have input. Ropefree, I can't emphasise enough - you need to keep it really simple, cut it back to basics. You probably privately consider the teachers to be brainless idiots - OK, address them as such (politely - they can't help it, poor things). The simpler you make it, the easier it should be for them to do what you want. I also strongly recommend you add to the list, the use of a Communication Book. From my own experience, it cut back on problems and reduced the number of "please come and rescue us" calls from the school. It didn't eliminate the problems, of course, but it did make response much faster and much better coordinated. It boosted communication between school and home which then led to a greater chance for teachers suggesting something positive and constructive, that also had a chance to work. It's a pain to have to do the thinking for the schools, but at least they have given the opportunity to do so. Marg Marg [/QUOTE]
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