Stop The World!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Jan 7, 2012.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    husband is actually going of his way to spend time with difficult child and difficult child alone!!!

    After the really bad night earlier in the week my father in law told husband straight out that he needed to be a father, not just a provider. His son is having trouble and he needed to spend time with him because difficult child feel unloved. It's time to get with the program or stop complaining about the decisions I make.

    OMG!! Someone stood up for me!!

    And I told husband that he had to do something where he could actually talk to difficult child. Ask him about school, his friends, things like that. So, husband and difficult child are going bowling this morning.

    Unfortunately, easy child is not happy about it. I guess in his mind he sees that difficult child is mean towards him on a daily basis and why does he get to do something with dad and he's stuck with me? We both told him that he spends ALOT of time with dad playing hockey. Dad coaches him, practices with his, talks with him about it. Now it's time for difficult child to have special dad time. I asked easy child how he would feel if it were the other way around: difficult child getting alot of dad's time and easy child getting none? He told me that he wouldn't care, but I know that is not the case.

    I told easy child that he and I would do something. Go and get an ice cream or maybe go see a movie. We'll see what he wants to do.
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Awesome news, Bunny! I'm happy father in law stood up for you and it caused H to act!

    I think it's fairly common for the other child to feel left out, even if they're given equal time. Bothe easy child and difficult child thought the other got more attention! Lol. Enjoy your day whatever you do!
  3. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    I am so glad for you! It also helps mom to get a break from difficult child!!!!
    My hubby and difficult child has to go to the skate park EVERY became ritual now.....then they get something to eat....come home and son is in a good mood!!!!!
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    That is what I'm hoping for!!!
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Good for father in law for giving it to husband, and good for husband for listening. It is hard for the easy child in the life of a difficult child. I hope that this will help difficult child's behavior some.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I hope this is the start of more support from husband...
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I hope so, Daisy. I hope so. He will get involved when difficult child is behaving badly, but I have told him a hundred times that he needs to be involved when difficult child is behaving well, too. I don't know. Maybe because it was his father that said it to him. Maybe because I was on the couch with his mom in tears over the way the whole night went. I don't know what did it. Something did, and that's all I care about.

    easy child and I are going to play mini golf. There is a place near here that has it indoors, so we are going to try that. It should be fun.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    So glad for you bunny. You deserve the support and so does difficult child. So typical of any kid to feel jealous especially since he does have that special time. Change is hard. I wonder if you appeal to his natural desire for it to be a pay off for him? Would it work to say something like.....'We are trying to help difficult child with his worries and feelings so he can feel better and happier. Imagine, if he can feel better and control his behaviors better, he might not feel like bothering you as much. You two could become better friends/brothers.'
    Of course if easy child would ever be the kind to SAY that to difficult child in an argument I would not go there, lol. (the only reason dad spent time with you is to make you a better brother to me)....guess it would be a case of really knowing easy child and how to say something like that.

    My mom used to actually tell us we are a family and sometimes one of you is going to need more attention than the other bu since we are all a team, we just have to pull together and give X extra time right now. Everyone needs that at some time in their lives. The difference is that in difficult child families, it can seem like difficult child is ALWAYS needing that extra attention and time. I ahve a friend who became a counselor specifically to work with sibs because she really felt it was an under-served need. She said her (seemed like a cognitively impaired/bipolar kind of sister) life growing up like that made her strong and compassionate but also left many scars. Lots of friendships were interrupted, lots of social events were ruined, etc. She was really interesting to listen to. ARC has sibshops.... Does NAMI those kinds of things??

    You really have your hands full, what an attentive and loving mom you are.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    Kudus to YOU for picking up on doing something "else" with easy child... that easy child wants to do.
    We've been this road... K2 is a girl, difficult child is boy, so most of the time these events are a gender split.
    But we've found that... it really pays once in a while to reverse the split... K2 will go with dad, and difficult child and I will do something that is a shared interest.. because BOTH kids need dad.

    And no, "coaching the team time" doesn't count as part of that.
    It needs to be separate, social, bond-building time.