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Strugglin' horribly with 11 year old with Conduct Disorder & Personality Disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="Rachielee" data-source="post: 490402" data-attributes="member: 13435"><p>Midwest Mom - Thank you, you know where I am at, as I am sure many, many others do as well. I have got to tend to Brad, but I promise I will answer all of your questions shortly or later this evening once my husband gets home from work. BUT.....to some degree he did have chaos but not while in his father's custody. His mother left when he was 2 and then had them both every other weekend. His father has always been very loving and supportive and did the single father thing for 2 years and did the absolute best he could do. His mother did not give the attention to Brad as an infant/toddler that she did his older brother (which I feel is why they are night and day). She slept and left him to his own devices, allowing him to crawl around and get into whatever. The only way he could get her attention is by having drama/screaming, whatever he had to do. My husband would go home at lunch and find Brad in a "20 pound" diaper - this did not go on long but the time doesn't matter, she clearly did not connect with him (eye contact, touch, nurturing).....her nurturing was come and go, his needs were sometimes met, sometimes not when it came to his mother which we know had a huge affect on him (it angers me to no end)!! And you are completely right.....he did not get the bonding from her that he or any baby need to feel safe, secure and loved. I am with you 100% on the attachment issues and believe that is a key player in all of this. The conduct disorder diagnosis was made by a psychiatrist and psychotherapist based on the many years we have dealt with issues and the growing nature of them, a full psychological evaluation and its findings, as well as counseling sessions with Brad himself and family therapy sessions (which we are continuing). As far as the anti-social, it is not noted as anti-social personality disorder because of his age, but he does have all of the characteristics for anti-social, as well as many characteristics of the other types of personality disorders. He is very smart, is very aware and works every situation.....he can be the sweetest of the sweet and loving and nobody would ever believe we have the issues we do with him. He loves strangers because he can turn on the charm and life is good; once he gets them figured out and starts the manipulation games, it isn't long before they catch onto whats going on and suddenly he doesn't care for them any longer ~ they have nothing to offer him at that point because they don't play into his game....this goes on and on. He is a great kid, when he is in a good state he is such a joy but those periods are getting shorter and the "downs" are lasting much longer...almost unrelentless. They are still considering Bipolar disorder because of the extremes in highs and lows. He also has ADD (without hyperactivity) and is on medication for that. The major issues are sneakiness, no remorse, has 0 regard for anybody else's feelings or property, manipulating manners and now the almost daily act of stealing. We do have a psychotherapy appointment tomorrow and these all will brought to the table again but that isn't going to change a thing. We had him write about why he thinks he steals the other night thinking that maybe he was afraid to talk about something and it would be easier for him to put it to paper....he had stated that when he sees something that isn't his, if its cool or something he wants he doesn't think about anything else, he needs it right then and once he gets it he wants to keep it forever or lock it down to something so that it is there forever. That in itself tells me the issues fall back to the unfortunate situation with his mother and her inability to love him with a mother's heart when he was born. But again, everything with him is complete control. If his father and I are at odds and he picks up on the stress or tension between us, he is happy go lucky and absolutely wonderful. His father can be very complacent and Brad has gotten over on his dad a great many times. He watches everything very closely, and when his dad is buried in something, thats when he really targets him which hasn't made this any easier. I am sure the extremes right now are retailiation against his dad because his dad is sticking to his guns now and is no longer the victim of manipulation, which angers Brad (he lost control). I used to make sure they saw their mother 5 times per year since we moved, but when we would get the boys home again, the troubles were worse and worse. She has no rules, parties all night, lets Brad do as he pleases, etc.....huge No-No when it comes to a child with his troubles. So......we limited their time to one week this past summer and, depending on what transpires over the next 7 months, they may not even see her this summer. Right now that could be the worst thing we could do......his mother's sister (Brad's aunt) shares our same concerns...said she saw something in him this summer that alarmed her. There is alot of depression and addiction issues on Brad's mothers side of the family.....his aunt said she could see Brad very easily getting into drugs or whatever....he is a follower and very immature for his age making him an easy target. Even though he is going to be 12, the psychiatric evaluation. revealed his maturity level to be around age 8. He thinks he acts older and thinks he should have the same privileges as his older brother who is 15. He cannot understand the concept that he is 3 years younger and also that those privileges are given as they are earned; privileges are just that, privileges, not a right. His brother got a cell phone at the age of 10 because of sports and needing to be able to contact us.....Brad does not have a cell phone because he continues to show us he is not responsible enough to handle that responsibility. </p><p></p><p>Sorry if I am babbling here.....there is just so much! I am trying to quickly get the jist of it down... <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rachielee, post: 490402, member: 13435"] Midwest Mom - Thank you, you know where I am at, as I am sure many, many others do as well. I have got to tend to Brad, but I promise I will answer all of your questions shortly or later this evening once my husband gets home from work. BUT.....to some degree he did have chaos but not while in his father's custody. His mother left when he was 2 and then had them both every other weekend. His father has always been very loving and supportive and did the single father thing for 2 years and did the absolute best he could do. His mother did not give the attention to Brad as an infant/toddler that she did his older brother (which I feel is why they are night and day). She slept and left him to his own devices, allowing him to crawl around and get into whatever. The only way he could get her attention is by having drama/screaming, whatever he had to do. My husband would go home at lunch and find Brad in a "20 pound" diaper - this did not go on long but the time doesn't matter, she clearly did not connect with him (eye contact, touch, nurturing).....her nurturing was come and go, his needs were sometimes met, sometimes not when it came to his mother which we know had a huge affect on him (it angers me to no end)!! And you are completely right.....he did not get the bonding from her that he or any baby need to feel safe, secure and loved. I am with you 100% on the attachment issues and believe that is a key player in all of this. The conduct disorder diagnosis was made by a psychiatrist and psychotherapist based on the many years we have dealt with issues and the growing nature of them, a full psychological evaluation and its findings, as well as counseling sessions with Brad himself and family therapy sessions (which we are continuing). As far as the anti-social, it is not noted as anti-social personality disorder because of his age, but he does have all of the characteristics for anti-social, as well as many characteristics of the other types of personality disorders. He is very smart, is very aware and works every situation.....he can be the sweetest of the sweet and loving and nobody would ever believe we have the issues we do with him. He loves strangers because he can turn on the charm and life is good; once he gets them figured out and starts the manipulation games, it isn't long before they catch onto whats going on and suddenly he doesn't care for them any longer ~ they have nothing to offer him at that point because they don't play into his game....this goes on and on. He is a great kid, when he is in a good state he is such a joy but those periods are getting shorter and the "downs" are lasting much longer...almost unrelentless. They are still considering Bipolar disorder because of the extremes in highs and lows. He also has ADD (without hyperactivity) and is on medication for that. The major issues are sneakiness, no remorse, has 0 regard for anybody else's feelings or property, manipulating manners and now the almost daily act of stealing. We do have a psychotherapy appointment tomorrow and these all will brought to the table again but that isn't going to change a thing. We had him write about why he thinks he steals the other night thinking that maybe he was afraid to talk about something and it would be easier for him to put it to paper....he had stated that when he sees something that isn't his, if its cool or something he wants he doesn't think about anything else, he needs it right then and once he gets it he wants to keep it forever or lock it down to something so that it is there forever. That in itself tells me the issues fall back to the unfortunate situation with his mother and her inability to love him with a mother's heart when he was born. But again, everything with him is complete control. If his father and I are at odds and he picks up on the stress or tension between us, he is happy go lucky and absolutely wonderful. His father can be very complacent and Brad has gotten over on his dad a great many times. He watches everything very closely, and when his dad is buried in something, thats when he really targets him which hasn't made this any easier. I am sure the extremes right now are retailiation against his dad because his dad is sticking to his guns now and is no longer the victim of manipulation, which angers Brad (he lost control). I used to make sure they saw their mother 5 times per year since we moved, but when we would get the boys home again, the troubles were worse and worse. She has no rules, parties all night, lets Brad do as he pleases, etc.....huge No-No when it comes to a child with his troubles. So......we limited their time to one week this past summer and, depending on what transpires over the next 7 months, they may not even see her this summer. Right now that could be the worst thing we could do......his mother's sister (Brad's aunt) shares our same concerns...said she saw something in him this summer that alarmed her. There is alot of depression and addiction issues on Brad's mothers side of the family.....his aunt said she could see Brad very easily getting into drugs or whatever....he is a follower and very immature for his age making him an easy target. Even though he is going to be 12, the psychiatric evaluation. revealed his maturity level to be around age 8. He thinks he acts older and thinks he should have the same privileges as his older brother who is 15. He cannot understand the concept that he is 3 years younger and also that those privileges are given as they are earned; privileges are just that, privileges, not a right. His brother got a cell phone at the age of 10 because of sports and needing to be able to contact us.....Brad does not have a cell phone because he continues to show us he is not responsible enough to handle that responsibility. Sorry if I am babbling here.....there is just so much! I am trying to quickly get the jist of it down... :) [/QUOTE]
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Strugglin' horribly with 11 year old with Conduct Disorder & Personality Disorder
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