Strugglin' horribly with 11 year old with Conduct Disorder & Personality Disorder

[Rachielee]

Good afternoon all. I am new to this site but very happy to have come across it. Perhaps, I can find a spark of hope again. I am completely exhausted today from stress and anxiety and not sleeping well last night so this won't be long, but I promise to return with more energy. I am a full-time step-mother to an 11 year old boy, Brad. He has been a challenge ever since I came into his life 7 years ago. He has recently been diagnosed with Conduct Disorder, Personality Disorder (anti-social characteristics) and Major Depression. Lying has been a constant issue for the past 7 years but has increased in severity as he has gotten older. We now have stealing in the mix. He has gotten into trouble over stealing in the past, but it was not as much (or at least he didn't get caught). Over the past 2 weeks, he has stolen nearly daily. Initially, this started with my stuff, and I had to put a lock on my sewing/craft room door. He then moved onto his brother's room, things that may be on a counter, end table, etc.....and most recently he has taken items out of his dad's work truck, garage, etc. Just last evening, we discovered he had stolen a marker from his art teacher. So....this is now really moving outside of the home. Strategies work for about a 2-week period of time with him and then no longer work at all. He is a master manipulator so is constantly working every single situation trying to figure out how he will get around it. I know this is a control issue and, now that my husband and I are standing firm as one with him and not allowing the manipulation to divide us, it has gotten horrible and is exhausting! If he cannot be seen, he is into something. He has been told he needs to ask to do ANYTHING at all....we need to know at all times where he is and he is not to just do what he pleases, etc....house rules apply to everybody. He refuses to ask anything, simply will not do it. We are fine with that, it's his choice and we are not going to budge on this. He is spiraling out of control because he has/is losing control of this house, meaning he no longer is controlling the atmosphere as he once did and is no longer dividing his father and I as he once was able to do. Christmas Break from school is upon us and I have so much anxiety! I do not know how I will make it thru each and every day until January 4th...at least now I get a break to breath while he is at school. The bus will be here in about 10 minutes and I am 100% filled with nothing but dread. I do not sleep because he doesn't very good and is up quite a bit thru the night.....a part of me is scared for what could happen and the other part of me is so ****** off that he has invaded all of our privacy!! He has no remorse....if he does show emotion it is because he is either working some angle or upset because he got caught....not because of the act he carried out or the poor choice he made. I need to go....bus will be coming and I have got to get my game face on so he doesn't see my exhaustion.....(that would be exhilarating for him!!) Is there anybody else going thru this or anybody that has?? Any advice is needed and plez pray for me. Not sure how much more I can take because I am so tired and mentally exhausted. We live over 1000 miles away from any family so NEVER get a break and refuse to leave him in the care of his older brother (who is a great kid without any issues)....we've tried it and it was complete chaos as he totally did what he wanted when he wanted.....(issues with lighting candles and wax all over floors, etc). Just heard the bus.....wave of anxiety just rushed over me. Any help is sooooo very appreciated.

Just wanted to quickly add a bit more information......Brad's hygiene is something to be desired. When taking a shower, unless we go in there or TELL him, he will not use soap. He has also had some issues with stooling such as not wiping after defecating, wiping and leaving the soiled toilet tissue hanging all out of the garbage can, as well as smearing fecal matter on the bathroom counter top. When asked about it, he said he didn't have toilet tissue and it got on his hand.....was not true, toilet tissue is ALWAYS available! And in most cases, if it did get on his hand, one would wash their hands and not smear it on counter top and leave it. About a week later, there was such a stench coming from his room, I went in to do a deep clean and found a towel that had fecal matter on it, as well as fecal matter rubbed down the side of his dresser. When my husband asked him about it, he stated it happened the same day the counter top issue happened. He then said nothing more, just stared blankly with the "deer in the headlights" look. The issues with fecal matter have happened about 4 times over the past 3 years (that we know of anyway). There also, about 4 years ago, was a situation where he was swimming in our pool with about 5 other kids and stated he had to go to the bathroom. Since he was in the pool, I just told him to go behind the gazebo (thinking he simply had to urinate) instead of trackin' water all thru the house. This is what they normally do when in the pool and have too urinate, then hose it down with bleach. Anyway.....Brad jumped right out of the pool at the opposite end, dropped his swimming trunks, squatted and proceeded to defecate right at the edge of the pool in front of everybody. I couldn't believe my eyes!! When he was finished he was told to get whatever he needed to get it cleaned up and all hek broke loose as he refused. Needless to say, I did not clean it up.....he did. There are a bazillion other things, weird behaviors, etc., that have happended/transpired but way to much to get into right now. Nothing phases him as far as consequences....has even gotten to the point where he just looks and smirks at whoever is addressing whatever issue it is at that moment. Thanks again for listening

God Bless and, if nothing else, thank you so much just for listening.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there and welcome to the board, but so sorry you have to be here.

Bear with me. I have a few more questions that will help us understand the situation more and hopefully then we can support and help you the best we know how.

1/How was this child's early development and what was his early years like...infancy and toddlerhood? Was there a lot of chaos? Was he shuffled back and forth from one caregiver to another? Did his mother substance abuse and, if so, did she do it while she was pregnant (this in utero ingestion of substances can greatly affect a child's later behavior...I adopted a child whose birthmother was a drug addict). How often does he see Mom?

2/Who evaluated him? What type of a doctor? It is very rare for a doctor to diagnose CD or antisocial personality disorder in a child. That is normally reserved for people over eighteen, which makes me think that maybe he is a social worker or a talk therapist rather than a neuropsychologist or a psychiatrist. And labels can be wrong. Not saying StepSon doesn't act like a total sociopath, but there could be other reasons for that. And it could be because his early life or even now...that his life has been full of uncertainly, various caregivers, and a lack of any security. This can cause attachment issues, which cause the child to learn not to really depend on or care about anyone else...because, in his world, he has not been able to. Three huge danger signs for unattached kids are cruelty to animals, intense interest in fire, and peeing and pooping inappropriately. We had an adopted child like that in our house once...so we learned a lot about developing psychopathy in children.

3/Are there any neurological or psychiatric problems on e ither side of his genetic family tree...bipolar, autism, schizophrenia, any suicides, etc. He is 50% his father's DNA and 50% his birthmother's DNA.

He sounds very sick and very dangerous, which is why I am wondering if he had a chaotic life.

Welcome again and we are glad to have you here. We will always "listen."

 

[InsaneCdn]

You have a LOT of layers of problems going on.

One of the KEY ones, is sleep.
No matter what the other problems are, if anyone (child or other) is not getting SUFFICENT sleep, and enough HIGH QUALITY sleep... this will either create all sorts of problems, or significantly escalate any other problem.

Getting medical people to be serious about a sleep problem, though, isn't exactly a cake-walk!

 

[Rachielee]

I do get about one solid 10 hour night of sleep about once per month ~ Since my hysterectomy insomnia has become a friend of mine, but certainly not to the degree it is or has become of late. I feel like I sleep with one eye open and one ear always attuned because I know what he is capable of and I need to protect ya' know? He is extremely sneaky which I think is worse than acting out......very sneaky and getting really good at it in some respects but getting very careless in his drive to gain control back which isn't working in his favor so much. This time the change we have seen is extremely drastic compared to others.....whole different ball game almost so now we are having to revamp what worked for the short time prior to this extreme change. Last evening in his school bag I found a paper with "Nazi" written on it and swastika's drawn all over the paper; now, is this something I should be concerned about or is this just a kid who was drawing?? Personally, because of all of the other issues, I am concerned and that really raised major red flags for me (which is why I do not believe I even dozed off last night at all). If there were not any issues at all, I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it because I know the values we are raising our kids with (or trying to) but because of the situation with Brad, very concerned. He has also taken on (in the past 2 days) a love for drawing war planes or tracing them or whatever and dinosaurs, which I am not opposed to at all....I am encouraging that completely because I do believe he has artistic ability and want to promote positive things. I am just baffled......as is my husband and his brother. Thanks so much for replying.....

 

[InsaneCdn]

What does HE get for sleep...?

 

[Rachielee]

Midwest Mom - Thank you, you know where I am at, as I am sure many, many others do as well. I have got to tend to Brad, but I promise I will answer all of your questions shortly or later this evening once my husband gets home from work. BUT.....to some degree he did have chaos but not while in his father's custody. His mother left when he was 2 and then had them both every other weekend. His father has always been very loving and supportive and did the single father thing for 2 years and did the absolute best he could do. His mother did not give the attention to Brad as an infant/toddler that she did his older brother (which I feel is why they are night and day). She slept and left him to his own devices, allowing him to crawl around and get into whatever. The only way he could get her attention is by having drama/screaming, whatever he had to do. My husband would go home at lunch and find Brad in a "20 pound" diaper - this did not go on long but the time doesn't matter, she clearly did not connect with him (eye contact, touch, nurturing).....her nurturing was come and go, his needs were sometimes met, sometimes not when it came to his mother which we know had a huge affect on him (it angers me to no end)!! And you are completely right.....he did not get the bonding from her that he or any baby need to feel safe, secure and loved. I am with you 100% on the attachment issues and believe that is a key player in all of this. The conduct disorder diagnosis was made by a psychiatrist and psychotherapist based on the many years we have dealt with issues and the growing nature of them, a full psychological evaluation and its findings, as well as counseling sessions with Brad himself and family therapy sessions (which we are continuing). As far as the anti-social, it is not noted as anti-social personality disorder because of his age, but he does have all of the characteristics for anti-social, as well as many characteristics of the other types of personality disorders. He is very smart, is very aware and works every situation.....he can be the sweetest of the sweet and loving and nobody would ever believe we have the issues we do with him. He loves strangers because he can turn on the charm and life is good; once he gets them figured out and starts the manipulation games, it isn't long before they catch onto whats going on and suddenly he doesn't care for them any longer ~ they have nothing to offer him at that point because they don't play into his game....this goes on and on. He is a great kid, when he is in a good state he is such a joy but those periods are getting shorter and the "downs" are lasting much longer...almost unrelentless. They are still considering Bipolar disorder because of the extremes in highs and lows. He also has ADD (without hyperactivity) and is on medication for that. The major issues are sneakiness, no remorse, has 0 regard for anybody else's feelings or property, manipulating manners and now the almost daily act of stealing. We do have a psychotherapy appointment tomorrow and these all will brought to the table again but that isn't going to change a thing. We had him write about why he thinks he steals the other night thinking that maybe he was afraid to talk about something and it would be easier for him to put it to paper....he had stated that when he sees something that isn't his, if its cool or something he wants he doesn't think about anything else, he needs it right then and once he gets it he wants to keep it forever or lock it down to something so that it is there forever. That in itself tells me the issues fall back to the unfortunate situation with his mother and her inability to love him with a mother's heart when he was born. But again, everything with him is complete control. If his father and I are at odds and he picks up on the stress or tension between us, he is happy go lucky and absolutely wonderful. His father can be very complacent and Brad has gotten over on his dad a great many times. He watches everything very closely, and when his dad is buried in something, thats when he really targets him which hasn't made this any easier. I am sure the extremes right now are retailiation against his dad because his dad is sticking to his guns now and is no longer the victim of manipulation, which angers Brad (he lost control). I used to make sure they saw their mother 5 times per year since we moved, but when we would get the boys home again, the troubles were worse and worse. She has no rules, parties all night, lets Brad do as he pleases, etc.....huge No-No when it comes to a child with his troubles. So......we limited their time to one week this past summer and, depending on what transpires over the next 7 months, they may not even see her this summer. Right now that could be the worst thing we could do......his mother's sister (Brad's aunt) shares our same concerns...said she saw something in him this summer that alarmed her. There is alot of depression and addiction issues on Brad's mothers side of the family.....his aunt said she could see Brad very easily getting into drugs or whatever....he is a follower and very immature for his age making him an easy target. Even though he is going to be 12, the psychiatric evaluation. revealed his maturity level to be around age 8. He thinks he acts older and thinks he should have the same privileges as his older brother who is 15. He cannot understand the concept that he is 3 years younger and also that those privileges are given as they are earned; privileges are just that, privileges, not a right. His brother got a cell phone at the age of 10 because of sports and needing to be able to contact us.....Brad does not have a cell phone because he continues to show us he is not responsible enough to handle that responsibility.

Sorry if I am babbling here.....there is just so much! I am trying to quickly get the jist of it down...

 

[Rachielee]

Sometimes he sleeps well and during the periods where he is being difficult, he refuses to sleep.....thinks he should be able to go bed whenever everybody else does or when he wants too. Last night, for instance, he was up at 1115 p.m. and again at 140 a.m. and gets up at 6 a.m. for school. It is very apparent on the nights he doesn't sleep well because his eyes say it all.

 

[BusynMember]

Do you think he feels love and attachment in a normal way?

 

[Rachielee]

I hope he does, but I don't know ~ I tend to think he doesn't because he doesn't let anybody close enough to really feel it (I think or is how is appears). I am unable to have children and treat both of the boys as if they are my own, always have, always will. In saying that, I am also very careful too because I know Brad idolizes his mother (although never really wants to talk to her), and I certainly have never and will never allow my personal feelings for the way she has acted and the way she has made the boys feel time and time again be known to either one of them. Hek, I even had her stay with us for 3 weeks 2 years ago!! Talk about awkward, but it was good and I did it because I wanted Brad to know that it was okay, that his mom and I got along just fine, in hopes that it would help him. I figured if she saw where they go to school, where they play football and soccer, etc., it would help when they talk to her because she would know what they were talking about......besides the fact that we had to pay for her ticket home and truly felt as though we had another child in the house while she was here, it changed nothing as far as Brad's behaviors. We are loving towards him, try to explain and teach him as any parent would their own child. Our children are not spoiled, have responsibilities that are age appropriate, etc. Nothing ever seems to be good enough for him.....he is always a victim, always blames everybody else even when he is caught red-handed, and has no answers to anything. He knows that with poor choices there will be consequences and those are spelled out for him so there is no confusion and the ability for him to manipulate is taken out of the picture.....the consequences do not concern him, his only concern is getting what he wants when he wants and it seems lately he will stop at nothing until he gets it....if this involves stealing, we can have the item he stole right there in front of him and he will still deny and lie, deny and lie, the lying stops when he gets the "deer in the headlights" look. Now, we also do not raise our voices with him.....we remain calm, almost monotone. We were told to do this because when he sees we are upset, he has won because he is controlling our emotions, which is very, very true. Since we have remained completely calm and he longer sees a reaction, he doesn't like it much at all and we can see the wheels turning in his head to get a negative reaction. And just to be clear, we have never screamed at our kids, never belittled them for their choices, etc.......we really try to focus on the positives, address the negatives of course, but praise for the positive choices, good decisions. Its crazy, but when we praise him and pat him on the back for good things, he cries and gets upset. I can promise you, if I praised him or told him thanks so much for the help, you did a great job....the following day he will be the complete opposite and do all the things he knows he is not allowed to do. When he has earned privileges in the past, it seems as soon as he gets a privilege back, the next day we all pay hell because his behavior is again out of control.

 

[BusynMember]

I am really hoping that others check in with you too.

For now, I'm going to recommend that you maybe get in touch with a therapist for the entire family, one who understands children who have had many attachment breaks in their lives. It sounds like you are doing 100% as well as you can, but some kids don't WANt to be loved. It even scares them. They probably will require a special type of therapist who understands kids from backgrounds like these.

Please keep us posted!

 

[Rachielee]

Thanks so much ~ I appreciate you! We are seeing a therapist; we do family sessions and she also does sessions with him alone. It worked at first because he felt he could manipulate her and it would work in his favor. Now that she is trying to help him, the shove is on, so we will see what happens. We have been told to just be aware to help protect him and others and also to start thinking about options outside of home, boys camps or something along those lines. Psychotherapy, unless caught very early on, is not very productive with Conduct Disorder, not to mention all of the other issues involved here. So......thanks again so very much. I will continue to get on my knees and pray and I know God will lead us to what is the best for Brad....I just hope we can help him so he has a chance at living a normal life and not traveling down a very dark lonely road. Change can only happen if one wants that to happen so we feel that is another player here....He may be thinking if he's bad enough we will just let him go back to his mom ~ I would give my life before I ever let that happen, we would lose him for sure then. I promise to keep you posted...

I just noticed your location is Wisconsin??? OMGosh! That is where I was born and raised!! My family lives around the Wausau Area, about 40 miles Northwest of there! That makes my heart sing...

 

[buddy]

Hi, So glad you found us. I think I hear what MWM is saying and there is actually one or maybe two newbies here with similar stories to yours in terms of behaviors and bonding issues.

I agree, we usually hear of conduct disorder in someone who has had acutal problems with the law etc. A young child who steals does not have the same developmental constructs as an adult who steals. I am just going to throw this our there, because there is hope in this but it requires really seeking the right doctors and therapists. Those who do not actually work specifically with this will misdiagnose only based on the symptoms, not looking at the big picture.

He had a serious break in bonding with his primary caretaker (even with a fantastic daddy, babies are typically most bonded to mom and if mom does not meet the needs of baby from birth to three, there can be a very serious break in attachment ability and the things you list are CLASSSIC Reactive Attachment Disorder symtpoms. ) I obviously am just a mom. A mom with a child who has attachment problems. (also neurological disabilities but I have had to learn about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) because he too had a break in bonding between birth and three yrs). so I am just going to share this and if it fits, feel free to use it, if not please know I am not trying to diagnosis your child or anything. It is just that this is how many of us figure out what is really going on, by sharing and when something sounds like it coudl fit we finally get some answers and help/support for our kiddos.



You mentioned:
smearing feces
being sweet as pie to others and targeting parents, especially mom (you now that you are taking primary care)
hoarding things and food (can be stolen because they feel security to have as much as they can so they ae never without)... it is all about survival in their twisted thinking
wont let people close
uses affection only to get what he wants, all on his terms
crazy lying... even when caught read handed...super common symptom
cant handle praise, compliments
doing the opposite, oppositional
manipulative/triangulates adults around him (splits you apart)

CHildren with Reactive Attachment Disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) are on a spectrum from mild attachment "issues" to severe Reactive Attachment Disorder where they do not have a conscience and are very antisocial. they learned very early on (even if not true but it is how they perceived the world) that they are on their own for survival. They make the rules and dont dare trust anyone to care for them because the pain of being hurt again is too much. For some it can mean they feel they could die and so can't leave that up to anyone else. It is that big to them. They would rather reject you before you can have a chance to hurt them. And for many it is inbetween that total degree of hurt to wanting to attach (the pull) and fear of attachment (the push) and for others they are super insecure and can't let you out of their sight, they are the clingy ones...

These kids can look very adhd, very ODD, they can have behavior problems from hugging a little too hard, lying in that crazy kind of way where it is totally obvious to everyone else. Some will not do things on anyone but their terms, or they act stubborn and some hoard things / food and it can go all the way up to smearing feces, peeing on things, destroying property, hurting animals..... some even start fires. This is very general of course, and you can check the list of the symptoms and the RANGE of attachment issues that kids can have... it is not all or none. For child so young with the history he has, this could really account for the symptoms.

the problem is that typical therapy and psychiatrists and psychologists can make things worse by treating it in a typical behavioral way. It takes specialized behavior methods, and attachment therapy that includes the parents so there is not any triangulation and the child sees that the parents are in charge (not for power, for SECURITY, kids NEED that).

IF you think this could be at least part of what is going on here is the link I prefer...there is a web site and there is a listserve that you can join on Yahoo (it is a closed list so the owner will email you when you apply and make sure you are a parent not a therapist or prospective adoptive parent etc. It is called attach-china because it was started by parents of kids adoped from China who had some degree of attachment challenge. But it has grown to discuss attachment with ANY child (and a step son is similar to an adopted son in terms of your not being the bio parent, and in this case a break happened when he was in the bonding years)...

 

[Wiped Out]

Adding in my welcome. Glad you found us but sorry you had to. You certainly have a lot on your plate. I think along with everything else sleep is huge. My son used to never sleep (and I do mean almost never-3-4 hours most nights) and when his psychiatrist heard that he started him on medications to help him sleep. It was by no means a cure all but it did allow us to be better able to cope once we were all able to sleep at night.

 

[Rachielee]

We have brought up the sleep issue more than once. I met Brad just over 7 years ago and even at that point he was not one much for sleep. He is up at the crack of dawn regardless of what time he goes to bed. We have a set bedtime for him, but when we are traveling back and forth from here to Wisconsin or Minnesota, there have been nights where it has been quite late and he is still up at the crack of dawn and maybe even before that. I have tried blacking out his windows, we had even tried Benadryl at one point because he was sick and wouldn't sleep. It seems the stuff that would cause a "normal" person to be sleepy do just the complete opposite to him. I think his psychiatrist is just trying to sort out one thing at a time and I am happy about that, but until this sleep thing is something he does throughout the night, I am going to suffer as well. Our dealings are that he gets up when nobody else is awake and thats when the prowl is on for claiming things as his own....I am not joking when I say he is sneaky....I sleep in the family room, am up a majority of the night because I am going to stop him in his tracks. It's like potty-training a pet....you don't catch em' in the act, consequences really don't/won't accomplish anything and we already deal with that. Tomorrow we have a psychotherapy family appointment and there is going to be a whole lotta lotta brought up since last appointment because I need help to get through the next 2 weeks....and I am going to again bring up the sleep issue, but she is only the psychotherapist and cannot administer drugs; we don't have that appointment until January 21st. I am so thankful I was led to this site today......God has got my back! My heart is feeling a little lighter, I don't feel quite as isolated as I did earlier today and have even smiled a couple of times. I am not alone in this fight and sometimes hearing that its okay to feel the way I do from folks who know what its like is the biggest pick me up of all. It's like a group hug but only across the web....thank you to all of you, truly and sincerely thank you!

 

[Rachielee]

Buddy, love you for this! I have a majority of this stuff printed off, have brought to our appointments numerous times....I feel all of this is stemming from attachment issues, but they say because dad was there it should not be this extreme! I want to shake them cuz' I believe the writing is on the wall here. I don't think they completely refute this, but they have stated that this is mostly seen in orphans, children who have been tossed around, yada, yada, yada. His parents divorcing was extremely traumatic for him that I do know. I am a child of divorce as well, and I know it hurts like hell but I did not go through what he did. My mother did not leave me and then fit me in when she could get away from bowling and drinking. It was that way and still is hence the reason they do not go to see her much any longer. I cannot finish this right now and reading so far what you have put seriously brings me to tears because he is all of those things and all I see is a child who isn't living as a child should....a child who is carrying way more than even an adult would like to carry....I hate he feels like she abandoned him, I hate that I cannot take that hurt away from him and I hate that if we cannot get him help, the cycle will not be broken. He will not be able to have a normal, happy relationship, marriage, his social functioning is going to surely alienate him and if he is ever a parent, his children too will be victims of this vicious cycle. I will be back later this evening, hopefully to finish this and finish reading all you have provided me! Thank you so much.......

 

[Wiped Out]

Oh, wanted to add, I'm another Wisconsinite. Grew up in Green Bay but live in Madison now.

 

[buddy]

I am sure this is a trip but for an evaluation??? and I know they will talk on the phone...

Family Attachment and Counseling Center

What they are telling you is just plain wrong wrong wrong. There are bio kids who were born prematurely so couldn't bond because of medical reason, there are mothers who get sick so can't hold and feed their kids, there are kids who suffer pain that can't be helped (my son had that, a brain mass that gave him unrelenting pain...and adults should be able to fix anything, right???) for all of these reasons. IT is insane to say that an orphan has more chance of being hurt by a break in a bond than a non orhpan. any child can be hurt. Sometimes inconsistent parenting can be harder on a kid. I have read, gone to workshops, gone thru treatment, etc. with my son. REally, join the attach china listserv and you will get more info to use... they have tons of resources on the website and a nice forum (or at least they did) though of course we are the bomb here! lol

 

[buddy]

Amazon.com: Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors (9780977704002): Heather T. Forbes, B. Bryan Post: Books

Amazon.com: When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (9780970352545): Nancy Thomas: Books

Amazon.com: Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow (9781600062902): Gregory C Keck, Regina Kupecky: Books

Amazon.com: Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children (9780765704047): Daniel A. Hughes: Books

Amazon.com: Treating Attachment Disorders: From Theory to Therapy (9781593850449): Karl Heinz Brisch MD, Kenneth Kronenberg: Books#_

 

[flutterby]

The professionals learn textbook cases, and often have trouble seeing outside that box. I agree with Buddy - I'm just a mom, but what I read immediately had me thinking of attachment issues. At the very least, it couldn't hurt to get an opinion from an attachment specialist.

I would let the psychiatrist know that while you understand that you are sorting all of these other things out, that addressing sleep has to be the first priority. Period. For one, I don't think you're ever going to get a truly accurate look at anyone who is so chronically sleep-deprived, let alone evaluate how any medications are working. For another, YOU need him to sleep. You can't take care of yourself, let alone your children, if you aren't sleeping. It has to be priority number one.

Welcome to our corner of the world...am glad you found us.

 

[Rachielee]

Good morning ~ I am soooo happy I found this site and my fellow "yankees"! You have no idea how much I miss home! Ya'll help bring it much closer so thank you Quick question: We have psychotherapy this afternoon at 2 PM. I am going to get pretty headstrong here when it comes to the attachment issues again. I kind of let them shut me down on that issue recently, not because I don't believe and feel that in my heart but because without any additional support I felt what was the use....I was battling myself. I know my husband loves his son tons but is not an emotional person or whatever...hard to explain. I talked to him last night about finding this site and my new "angels" (teehee)......reiterated all of the facts staring us in the face when it comes to attachment issues; I believe he thinks the same, but for the most part just got a nod of the head and partial attention to what I was saying Needless to say, I was hurt I guess because I have been racking my brain, on my knees constantly praying for God to lead me and guide me on this journey to the right people who can help us, most importantly Brad, and I just sometimes feel like I am a single parent. He is an amazing man truly and works his tail off....many, many long hours and is exhausted in the evenings BUT so am I and even moreso when he just nods his head. SOOOOO.......perhaps I'm a bit ultra sensitive, but I am going to dig and dig and keep on keeping on. It may not be tomorrow, may not be in 5 years or even 10 years, but I know someday every single millisecond of exhaustion because of this will be well worth it (that is my constant prayer).

Question is (sorry for getting caught up in babble) - how do I once again approach the therapist on the issue of attachment issues without being shut down?? Let me add this: 3 weeks they had started Brad on an anti-depressant for depression. After 2 weeks of taking this, his behaviors escalated to the level they are at now (we have never seen this extreme). I read the other night that if there is a component of bipolar, medications strictly for depression will intensify the bipolar issues.....can this be what is happening as well to account for the extreme change?? I stopped the depression medication needless to say....