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Strugglin' horribly with 11 year old with Conduct Disorder & Personality Disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="Rachielee" data-source="post: 490416" data-attributes="member: 13435"><p>I hope he does, but I don't know ~ I tend to think he doesn't because he doesn't let anybody close enough to really feel it (I think or is how is appears). I am unable to have children and treat both of the boys as if they are my own, always have, always will. In saying that, I am also very careful too because I know Brad idolizes his mother (although never really wants to talk to her), and I certainly have never and will never allow my personal feelings for the way she has acted and the way she has made the boys feel time and time again be known to either one of them. Hek, I even had her stay with us for 3 weeks 2 years ago!! Talk about awkward, but it was good and I did it because I wanted Brad to know that it was okay, that his mom and I got along just fine, in hopes that it would help him. I figured if she saw where they go to school, where they play football and soccer, etc., it would help when they talk to her because she would know what they were talking about......besides the fact that we had to pay for her ticket home and truly felt as though we had another child in the house while she was here, it changed nothing as far as Brad's behaviors. We are loving towards him, try to explain and teach him as any parent would their own child. Our children are not spoiled, have responsibilities that are age appropriate, etc. Nothing ever seems to be good enough for him.....he is always a victim, always blames everybody else even when he is caught red-handed, and has no answers to anything. He knows that with poor choices there will be consequences and those are spelled out for him so there is no confusion and the ability for him to manipulate is taken out of the picture.....the consequences do not concern him, his only concern is getting what he wants when he wants and it seems lately he will stop at nothing until he gets it....if this involves stealing, we can have the item he stole right there in front of him and he will still deny and lie, deny and lie, the lying stops when he gets the "deer in the headlights" look. Now, we also do not raise our voices with him.....we remain calm, almost monotone. We were told to do this because when he sees we are upset, he has won because he is controlling our emotions, which is very, very true. Since we have remained completely calm and he longer sees a reaction, he doesn't like it much at all and we can see the wheels turning in his head to get a negative reaction. And just to be clear, we have never screamed at our kids, never belittled them for their choices, etc.......we really try to focus on the positives, address the negatives of course, but praise for the positive choices, good decisions. Its crazy, but when we praise him and pat him on the back for good things, he cries and gets upset. I can promise you, if I praised him or told him thanks so much for the help, you did a great job....the following day he will be the complete opposite and do all the things he knows he is not allowed to do. When he has earned privileges in the past, it seems as soon as he gets a privilege back, the next day we all pay hell because his behavior is again out of control.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rachielee, post: 490416, member: 13435"] I hope he does, but I don't know ~ I tend to think he doesn't because he doesn't let anybody close enough to really feel it (I think or is how is appears). I am unable to have children and treat both of the boys as if they are my own, always have, always will. In saying that, I am also very careful too because I know Brad idolizes his mother (although never really wants to talk to her), and I certainly have never and will never allow my personal feelings for the way she has acted and the way she has made the boys feel time and time again be known to either one of them. Hek, I even had her stay with us for 3 weeks 2 years ago!! Talk about awkward, but it was good and I did it because I wanted Brad to know that it was okay, that his mom and I got along just fine, in hopes that it would help him. I figured if she saw where they go to school, where they play football and soccer, etc., it would help when they talk to her because she would know what they were talking about......besides the fact that we had to pay for her ticket home and truly felt as though we had another child in the house while she was here, it changed nothing as far as Brad's behaviors. We are loving towards him, try to explain and teach him as any parent would their own child. Our children are not spoiled, have responsibilities that are age appropriate, etc. Nothing ever seems to be good enough for him.....he is always a victim, always blames everybody else even when he is caught red-handed, and has no answers to anything. He knows that with poor choices there will be consequences and those are spelled out for him so there is no confusion and the ability for him to manipulate is taken out of the picture.....the consequences do not concern him, his only concern is getting what he wants when he wants and it seems lately he will stop at nothing until he gets it....if this involves stealing, we can have the item he stole right there in front of him and he will still deny and lie, deny and lie, the lying stops when he gets the "deer in the headlights" look. Now, we also do not raise our voices with him.....we remain calm, almost monotone. We were told to do this because when he sees we are upset, he has won because he is controlling our emotions, which is very, very true. Since we have remained completely calm and he longer sees a reaction, he doesn't like it much at all and we can see the wheels turning in his head to get a negative reaction. And just to be clear, we have never screamed at our kids, never belittled them for their choices, etc.......we really try to focus on the positives, address the negatives of course, but praise for the positive choices, good decisions. Its crazy, but when we praise him and pat him on the back for good things, he cries and gets upset. I can promise you, if I praised him or told him thanks so much for the help, you did a great job....the following day he will be the complete opposite and do all the things he knows he is not allowed to do. When he has earned privileges in the past, it seems as soon as he gets a privilege back, the next day we all pay hell because his behavior is again out of control. [/QUOTE]
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Strugglin' horribly with 11 year old with Conduct Disorder & Personality Disorder
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