Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Strugglin' horribly with 11 year old with Conduct Disorder & Personality Disorder
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 490434" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi, So glad you found us. I think I hear what MWM is saying and there is actually one or maybe two newbies here with similar stories to yours in terms of behaviors and bonding issues.</p><p></p><p>I agree, we usually hear of conduct disorder in someone who has had acutal problems with the law etc. A young child who steals does not have the same developmental constructs as an adult who steals. I am just going to throw this our there, because there is hope in this but it requires really seeking the right doctors and therapists. Those who do not actually work specifically with this will misdiagnose only based on the symptoms, not looking at the big picture.</p><p></p><p>He had a serious break in bonding with his primary caretaker (even with a fantastic daddy, babies are typically most bonded to mom and if mom does not meet the needs of baby from birth to three, there can be a very serious break in attachment ability and the things you list are CLASSSIC Reactive Attachment Disorder symtpoms. ) I obviously am just a mom. A mom with a child who has attachment problems. (also neurological disabilities but I have had to learn about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) because he too had a break in bonding between birth and three yrs). so I am just going to share this and if it fits, feel free to use it, if not please know I am not trying to diagnosis your child or anything. It is just that this is how many of us figure out what is really going on, by sharing and when something sounds like it coudl fit we finally get some answers and help/support for our kiddos.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You mentioned:</p><p>smearing feces</p><p>being sweet as pie to others and targeting parents, especially mom (you now that you are taking primary care)</p><p>hoarding things and food (can be stolen because they feel security to have as much as they can so they ae never without)... it is all about survival in their twisted thinking</p><p>wont let people close</p><p>uses affection only to get what he wants, all on his terms</p><p>crazy lying... even when caught read handed...super common symptom</p><p>cant handle praise, compliments</p><p>doing the opposite, oppositional</p><p>manipulative/triangulates adults around him (splits you apart)</p><p></p><p>CHildren with Reactive Attachment Disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) are on a spectrum from mild attachment "issues" to severe Reactive Attachment Disorder where they do not have a conscience and are very antisocial. they learned very early on (even if not true but it is how they perceived the world) that they are on their own for survival. They make the rules and dont dare trust anyone to care for them because the pain of being hurt again is too much. For some it can mean they feel they could die and so can't leave that up to anyone else. It is that big to them. They would rather reject you before you can have a chance to hurt them. And for many it is inbetween that total degree of hurt to wanting to attach (the pull) and fear of attachment (the push) and for others they are super insecure and can't let you out of their sight, they are the clingy ones...</p><p></p><p>These kids can look very adhd, very ODD, they can have behavior problems from hugging a little too hard, lying in that crazy kind of way where it is totally obvious to everyone else. Some will not do things on anyone but their terms, or they act stubborn and some hoard things / food and it can go all the way up to smearing feces, peeing on things, destroying property, hurting animals..... some even start fires. This is very general of course, and you can check the list of the symptoms and the RANGE of attachment issues that kids can have... it is not all or none. For child so young with the history he has, this could really account for the symptoms.</p><p></p><p>the problem is that typical therapy and psychiatrists and psychologists can make things worse by treating it in a typical behavioral way. It takes specialized behavior methods, and attachment therapy that includes the parents so there is not any triangulation and the child sees that the parents are in charge (not for power, for SECURITY, kids NEED that). </p><p></p><p>IF you think this could be at least part of what is going on here is the link I prefer...there is a web site and there is a listserve that you can join on Yahoo (it is a closed list so the owner will email you when you apply and make sure you are a parent not a therapist or prospective adoptive parent etc. It is called attach-china because it was started by parents of kids adoped from China who had some degree of attachment challenge. But it has grown to discuss attachment with ANY child (and a step son is similar to an adopted son in terms of your not being the bio parent, and in this case a break happened when he was in the bonding years)...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 490434, member: 12886"] Hi, So glad you found us. I think I hear what MWM is saying and there is actually one or maybe two newbies here with similar stories to yours in terms of behaviors and bonding issues. I agree, we usually hear of conduct disorder in someone who has had acutal problems with the law etc. A young child who steals does not have the same developmental constructs as an adult who steals. I am just going to throw this our there, because there is hope in this but it requires really seeking the right doctors and therapists. Those who do not actually work specifically with this will misdiagnose only based on the symptoms, not looking at the big picture. He had a serious break in bonding with his primary caretaker (even with a fantastic daddy, babies are typically most bonded to mom and if mom does not meet the needs of baby from birth to three, there can be a very serious break in attachment ability and the things you list are CLASSSIC Reactive Attachment Disorder symtpoms. ) I obviously am just a mom. A mom with a child who has attachment problems. (also neurological disabilities but I have had to learn about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) because he too had a break in bonding between birth and three yrs). so I am just going to share this and if it fits, feel free to use it, if not please know I am not trying to diagnosis your child or anything. It is just that this is how many of us figure out what is really going on, by sharing and when something sounds like it coudl fit we finally get some answers and help/support for our kiddos. You mentioned: smearing feces being sweet as pie to others and targeting parents, especially mom (you now that you are taking primary care) hoarding things and food (can be stolen because they feel security to have as much as they can so they ae never without)... it is all about survival in their twisted thinking wont let people close uses affection only to get what he wants, all on his terms crazy lying... even when caught read handed...super common symptom cant handle praise, compliments doing the opposite, oppositional manipulative/triangulates adults around him (splits you apart) CHildren with Reactive Attachment Disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) are on a spectrum from mild attachment "issues" to severe Reactive Attachment Disorder where they do not have a conscience and are very antisocial. they learned very early on (even if not true but it is how they perceived the world) that they are on their own for survival. They make the rules and dont dare trust anyone to care for them because the pain of being hurt again is too much. For some it can mean they feel they could die and so can't leave that up to anyone else. It is that big to them. They would rather reject you before you can have a chance to hurt them. And for many it is inbetween that total degree of hurt to wanting to attach (the pull) and fear of attachment (the push) and for others they are super insecure and can't let you out of their sight, they are the clingy ones... These kids can look very adhd, very ODD, they can have behavior problems from hugging a little too hard, lying in that crazy kind of way where it is totally obvious to everyone else. Some will not do things on anyone but their terms, or they act stubborn and some hoard things / food and it can go all the way up to smearing feces, peeing on things, destroying property, hurting animals..... some even start fires. This is very general of course, and you can check the list of the symptoms and the RANGE of attachment issues that kids can have... it is not all or none. For child so young with the history he has, this could really account for the symptoms. the problem is that typical therapy and psychiatrists and psychologists can make things worse by treating it in a typical behavioral way. It takes specialized behavior methods, and attachment therapy that includes the parents so there is not any triangulation and the child sees that the parents are in charge (not for power, for SECURITY, kids NEED that). IF you think this could be at least part of what is going on here is the link I prefer...there is a web site and there is a listserve that you can join on Yahoo (it is a closed list so the owner will email you when you apply and make sure you are a parent not a therapist or prospective adoptive parent etc. It is called attach-china because it was started by parents of kids adoped from China who had some degree of attachment challenge. But it has grown to discuss attachment with ANY child (and a step son is similar to an adopted son in terms of your not being the bio parent, and in this case a break happened when he was in the bonding years)... [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Strugglin' horribly with 11 year old with Conduct Disorder & Personality Disorder
Top