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Stupid, childish, dumb, wrong...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 336468" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Being girly is good. having fun is good. I agree, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed. And yes, I did 'get' that this bloke is no prize as far as you're concerned.</p><p></p><p>I think what annoys you, is she thinks you think that way. That would sure annoy me. I've actually had a similar experience (years ago in my teens) when a bloke I barely knew asked me to marry him. No flamin' way! I was only 17 anyway and I couldn't stand the guy. But there was something a bit - well, about the way this guy kept chasing after me. I really wasn't interested, there were so many reasons why I wasn't. Plus his younger brother was a scary sociopathic creep. Neither could keep their hands to themselves, you didn't go outside alone if it was after dark and they were around.</p><p></p><p>Then the guy got another girlfriend and she quickly graduated from girlfriend to fiancee - he finally found someone prepared to marry him! But although she & I had at first been quite friendly to one another, about the time the engagement got announced, she got very cold to me, began to avoid me and manouvre herself so I could never stand next to her man. Not that I was making the slightest effort to, it was weird. I finally heard that she had said to others that she was determined I wasn't going to steal him back. She actually believed I still carried a torch, for someone I'd never felt the slightest warm glow about in the first place!</p><p>They pointedly didn't invite me to the wedding - again, I wouldn't have gone, but it was the deliberate publicly given insult over it that was embarrassing, because (I realise now) it was sending a message to everybody, that despite all my protestations maybe I DID still care for this guy and was also a threat - this flew in the face of everything I stood for as a person.</p><p></p><p>Luckily, I was very busy at the time (including with a couple of other guys) and hardly ever crossed paths with this couple. But where in the past I might have asked after this guy, as I would have asked after any member of the group, I had to be careful not to because it made it look as if this girl was right to be concerned about me. And frankly, my main interest in knowing where he was (and hoping he was still involved with her, or someone else) was to know I was safe from him.</p><p></p><p>So perhaps your 'sting' in this is what you think other people might be thinking, about whether she is right to feeel the need to flaunt her engagement ring.</p><p></p><p>or maybe she's just flashing the ring about to everyone. After all, she may thrive on drama and the need to feel she has "won" and is therefore manufacturing it.</p><p></p><p>Another thought - one which I felt was perhaps behind my experience - the guy himself has big-noted his attractiveness to women by using you as an example of someone who has "never got over him". it's a way of making himself seem like a better catch and therefore making sure she really values him more highly, because of the risk that there is still someone else he can go back to, if she doesn't pan out well.</p><p></p><p>so, Shari - you are over him; but is he over you? Or do you think he could be adding to his lady's insecurities to make himself feel bigger?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 336468, member: 1991"] Being girly is good. having fun is good. I agree, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed. And yes, I did 'get' that this bloke is no prize as far as you're concerned. I think what annoys you, is she thinks you think that way. That would sure annoy me. I've actually had a similar experience (years ago in my teens) when a bloke I barely knew asked me to marry him. No flamin' way! I was only 17 anyway and I couldn't stand the guy. But there was something a bit - well, about the way this guy kept chasing after me. I really wasn't interested, there were so many reasons why I wasn't. Plus his younger brother was a scary sociopathic creep. Neither could keep their hands to themselves, you didn't go outside alone if it was after dark and they were around. Then the guy got another girlfriend and she quickly graduated from girlfriend to fiancee - he finally found someone prepared to marry him! But although she & I had at first been quite friendly to one another, about the time the engagement got announced, she got very cold to me, began to avoid me and manouvre herself so I could never stand next to her man. Not that I was making the slightest effort to, it was weird. I finally heard that she had said to others that she was determined I wasn't going to steal him back. She actually believed I still carried a torch, for someone I'd never felt the slightest warm glow about in the first place! They pointedly didn't invite me to the wedding - again, I wouldn't have gone, but it was the deliberate publicly given insult over it that was embarrassing, because (I realise now) it was sending a message to everybody, that despite all my protestations maybe I DID still care for this guy and was also a threat - this flew in the face of everything I stood for as a person. Luckily, I was very busy at the time (including with a couple of other guys) and hardly ever crossed paths with this couple. But where in the past I might have asked after this guy, as I would have asked after any member of the group, I had to be careful not to because it made it look as if this girl was right to be concerned about me. And frankly, my main interest in knowing where he was (and hoping he was still involved with her, or someone else) was to know I was safe from him. So perhaps your 'sting' in this is what you think other people might be thinking, about whether she is right to feeel the need to flaunt her engagement ring. or maybe she's just flashing the ring about to everyone. After all, she may thrive on drama and the need to feel she has "won" and is therefore manufacturing it. Another thought - one which I felt was perhaps behind my experience - the guy himself has big-noted his attractiveness to women by using you as an example of someone who has "never got over him". it's a way of making himself seem like a better catch and therefore making sure she really values him more highly, because of the risk that there is still someone else he can go back to, if she doesn't pan out well. so, Shari - you are over him; but is he over you? Or do you think he could be adding to his lady's insecurities to make himself feel bigger? Marg [/QUOTE]
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