Star*
call 911........call 911
Hi family,
how goes the diet Star?
Oh gosh glad you asked. I stopped at Big Lots to get soap for the office, and found Coffee flavored slim fast. On the way out someone put a bag of stupid dove chocolate with almond candy down, and I felt compelled to purchase it.
even the cashier looked at me and said "Isn't this an Oxymoron?" I was not in the mood. So I told her the truth. The coffee flavored slim fast was for DF; the chocolates were for me. I don't need a diet. (telling myself this sounded just as dumb as buying the evil dove squares)
So I get out to my little SUV. I sit there and tell myself NO Star do not open the bag. Willpower went to swill and I ripped the bag open with my teeth careful not to let the little gold foiled covered joy exxxxplode all over the car.
And good, I got it open, no harm. I reached in the bag fishing with one hand, and trying to steer with the other and got one. I held the steering wheel with my knee and opened it, and it slipped right down between the seat and console. (censored) So...go fish. I globbed onto another one and got the foil all the way off and (censored) down in the console again. I was beginning to think that I should just shove it in my mouth foil and all when I reached one more time, managed to snag 3 or 4 and dropped them in my lap. Ahhhh chocolate at last.
Well it's 81 here today. A little overcast, but still hot and how many of those little sweet, squares of heaven did I have? 2,3,4 my mind did a mental inventory as I got out of the SUV and into work. I made it to the restrooms to wash my hands...and then I heard it. Like a brick from the 51st floor on a high rise construction site it hit the floor; most of that stupid chocolate square melted into my pants and now was like a red bullseye on a target at the rifle range.
- Pants licker did not come to mind. But I've seen that commercial.
I did the best I could with the new soap, M fold cheapo bathroom towels that are worthless if they think about going near water and willpower to get it out of my pants, at one point I think I remember praying "Oh not today, please." and managed to get back to my office where I am now sitting with wet pants, stained with a brown spot of chocolate and last years hoodie tied so casually around my waste. As if. Silkpants and hoodie make SUCH a fashion statement.
Feeling like I'd gotten one over on life, as I was sitting at my desk when the boss walked in, looked at me and pointed to the corner of his mouth. Upon wiping my face the back of my hand looked like a 2 year olds face left in the kitchen with a chocolate pudding pop.
STUPID DOVE CHOCOLATE. Curses! :bag:
I'm going home to eat my chocolate without pants on! HA!
how goes the diet Star?
Oh gosh glad you asked. I stopped at Big Lots to get soap for the office, and found Coffee flavored slim fast. On the way out someone put a bag of stupid dove chocolate with almond candy down, and I felt compelled to purchase it.
even the cashier looked at me and said "Isn't this an Oxymoron?" I was not in the mood. So I told her the truth. The coffee flavored slim fast was for DF; the chocolates were for me. I don't need a diet. (telling myself this sounded just as dumb as buying the evil dove squares)
So I get out to my little SUV. I sit there and tell myself NO Star do not open the bag. Willpower went to swill and I ripped the bag open with my teeth careful not to let the little gold foiled covered joy exxxxplode all over the car.
And good, I got it open, no harm. I reached in the bag fishing with one hand, and trying to steer with the other and got one. I held the steering wheel with my knee and opened it, and it slipped right down between the seat and console. (censored) So...go fish. I globbed onto another one and got the foil all the way off and (censored) down in the console again. I was beginning to think that I should just shove it in my mouth foil and all when I reached one more time, managed to snag 3 or 4 and dropped them in my lap. Ahhhh chocolate at last.
Well it's 81 here today. A little overcast, but still hot and how many of those little sweet, squares of heaven did I have? 2,3,4 my mind did a mental inventory as I got out of the SUV and into work. I made it to the restrooms to wash my hands...and then I heard it. Like a brick from the 51st floor on a high rise construction site it hit the floor; most of that stupid chocolate square melted into my pants and now was like a red bullseye on a target at the rifle range.
- Pants licker did not come to mind. But I've seen that commercial.
I did the best I could with the new soap, M fold cheapo bathroom towels that are worthless if they think about going near water and willpower to get it out of my pants, at one point I think I remember praying "Oh not today, please." and managed to get back to my office where I am now sitting with wet pants, stained with a brown spot of chocolate and last years hoodie tied so casually around my waste. As if. Silkpants and hoodie make SUCH a fashion statement.
Feeling like I'd gotten one over on life, as I was sitting at my desk when the boss walked in, looked at me and pointed to the corner of his mouth. Upon wiping my face the back of my hand looked like a 2 year olds face left in the kitchen with a chocolate pudding pop.
STUPID DOVE CHOCOLATE. Curses! :bag:
I'm going home to eat my chocolate without pants on! HA!
) we can indulge with impunity!
