Unfortunately difficult child got a charge today for fighting which will probably push his release date back either 1 month or 3 months. He said the other guy had been intigating trouble for the past couple of days and threw the first punch but still, my son should have let the issue go before it got to the point of anyone throwing a punch. Anyway, he was bouncing back and forth between apologizing to me, being on the verge of tears for probably messing up his release date and wanting to come home, and putting on a bravado of how he can't let anyone "mess with him in there because it only takes once and they thinks he's a ___" (interpretation: "doormat"). He has said several times that other kids "always" give him a hard time and try to start stuff with him because they think he won't do anything about it and he has to show them that he will or it will get worse. I've heard this for several years from him, in various settings. I asked if he was getting a hrad time from a lot of kids at school district last year and he said yes. I asked why he didn't tell me then and he said because it was embarrassing. He said he knew he needed to find a better way to deal with it but he didn't know any other way and again, he had to deal with it somehow so it wouldn't get worse. I asked if he discussed this with therapist to get ideas. Well, apparently he has one of those tdocs who is so concerned about a person coming up with their own ideas that she doesn't give him any. You know they type- any question you asked them gets a "what do you think" response and then she either approves or disapproves when he tells her how he handled a certain situation. So she's no help in actually teaching him better ways. Soooo....I was wondering if we could cumulatively come up with a list of ideas that I could write difficult child. I'm sure some things work better than others in different settings, age groups, etc., but I was curious about this anyway because I struggled this as a young person, too. Oh, by the way, difficult child does look a little geekish and doesn't exhibit confidence except when he's in a phoney boasting mode. It's not like he has a geeky haircut or huge ears or anything- he just looks like a sweet computer geek- which is fine to a parent but I guess it isn't very cool in his world- even at a mainstream school. I keep trying to tell him if he'll just stay out of trouble so he's around the college-bound kids or others who aren't a "rough" crowd, he would fit in better. He says he doesn't fit in with them either. (Personally, I think that's because of the trouble he's been in, the psychiatric hospital stuff, and the lack of confidence in himself.) I can't send him a book to help because he's in Department of Juvenile Justice. Here are the ideas I can think of: 1) Show respect for yourself- don't walk around looking down, keep yourself clean and kept up, and don't put yourself down, for instance 2) Show real confidence instead of boasting about being tough- (what would be good, specific suggestions for how to do this?) Please add your own ideas!