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Family of Origin
Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 675646" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>No. She is the one who did the shunning, not me. She likes the shun. She DID stalk me for a while. Hopefully she has more in her life now and I believe she may have stopped. But she didn't tell my father to make things better. He just really loved his sibs and can't imagine that we don't all get along...although it is impossible with Sis. And brother? I have no idea what his deal is and don't want to find out because it would be deliberately hurtful. Nobody is pressuring my father..he is pressuring himself. But I still feel badly.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I think it's more my father trying to talk to us, although he has stopped talking to me about her. That's why I'm sad for him. He really cares.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course not. I know this and don't want a REAL relationship with her. Nobody has a real relationship with her because she hides herself. This isn't about her. It's about my dad and his feelings and wishes.</p><p></p><p></p><p>There is much he did not see. True. It's not being mean.</p><p></p><p> This applies to my brother as well, I believe. My sister shunned him most of his life for very mean reasons.</p><p>Oh, with all the cruel things she said about him repeatedly through the years (and not long before she suddenly decided to befriend him because she NEEDS her DNA connections and had shunned ME) he is her b*tch. I don't know how he can't see that, but that isn't my problem. She was meaner to and about him than she ever was to me and is only nice to him now because there is something in it for her. It's not about him or his feelings at all. And he can be very giving. She can exploit that.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This says it all. Even when she is acting nice, there is an ulterior motive. But that is the problem of those who decide to trust her. I doubt many get too close to her. She pushes everyone away and hides her true self and is good at knowing what to say that people want to hear. There is an ugliness in her core that even I did not really understand until this last time. Married men (not caring if she hurt the wife or baby). Abusive boyfriends (getting angry at me for trying to help her deal with him when she ASKED for advice...then accepting his abuse and calling ME abusive) and dragging brother in when she did not let him into her life and her wedding because he was "gross and ugly." Who does that? Marrying a man she never loved.</p><p></p><p>The kindest thing to do regarding father was to wait until he was gone to cut contact. We coule have been very low contact until then. But my father is still here, and he is old and very upset over this. My brother is adding to this scenario.</p><p></p><p>Well, this was just a vent. I can't and won't try to change anything. My dad will have to die being sad about this. It is not new. He was aware of all the fighting and dissension...my sister's wedding exclusion, my siste' talking about gross brother, my sisters cut offs of me and our disagreements (I am not innocent but I don't do c ut offs) and my mother's behavior when we were little that set this up. He was not home enough to see how she treated all of us...golden brother, invisible sister, scapegoat daughter...</p><p></p><p>There are very negative consequences to covering your ears and saying, "La, la, la...I won't listen."</p><p></p><p>I still feel badly about it. I don't really think he got it until my husband calmly told him that we don't want Sister up here or in our lives and when Princess didn't answer Sister's forced-by-father text when I was in surgical ICU. He sees now that my real family wants nothing to do with FOO. Before, he probably thought it was just me. That's the way he thinks. It's not just me. My entire family is done.</p><p></p><p>But we would have kept up a low contact act for Dad. I don't want to hurt him at his age especially.</p><p></p><p>Ok, Done venting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 675646, member: 1550"] No. She is the one who did the shunning, not me. She likes the shun. She DID stalk me for a while. Hopefully she has more in her life now and I believe she may have stopped. But she didn't tell my father to make things better. He just really loved his sibs and can't imagine that we don't all get along...although it is impossible with Sis. And brother? I have no idea what his deal is and don't want to find out because it would be deliberately hurtful. Nobody is pressuring my father..he is pressuring himself. But I still feel badly. I think it's more my father trying to talk to us, although he has stopped talking to me about her. That's why I'm sad for him. He really cares. Of course not. I know this and don't want a REAL relationship with her. Nobody has a real relationship with her because she hides herself. This isn't about her. It's about my dad and his feelings and wishes. There is much he did not see. True. It's not being mean. This applies to my brother as well, I believe. My sister shunned him most of his life for very mean reasons. Oh, with all the cruel things she said about him repeatedly through the years (and not long before she suddenly decided to befriend him because she NEEDS her DNA connections and had shunned ME) he is her b*tch. I don't know how he can't see that, but that isn't my problem. She was meaner to and about him than she ever was to me and is only nice to him now because there is something in it for her. It's not about him or his feelings at all. And he can be very giving. She can exploit that. This says it all. Even when she is acting nice, there is an ulterior motive. But that is the problem of those who decide to trust her. I doubt many get too close to her. She pushes everyone away and hides her true self and is good at knowing what to say that people want to hear. There is an ugliness in her core that even I did not really understand until this last time. Married men (not caring if she hurt the wife or baby). Abusive boyfriends (getting angry at me for trying to help her deal with him when she ASKED for advice...then accepting his abuse and calling ME abusive) and dragging brother in when she did not let him into her life and her wedding because he was "gross and ugly." Who does that? Marrying a man she never loved. The kindest thing to do regarding father was to wait until he was gone to cut contact. We coule have been very low contact until then. But my father is still here, and he is old and very upset over this. My brother is adding to this scenario. Well, this was just a vent. I can't and won't try to change anything. My dad will have to die being sad about this. It is not new. He was aware of all the fighting and dissension...my sister's wedding exclusion, my siste' talking about gross brother, my sisters cut offs of me and our disagreements (I am not innocent but I don't do c ut offs) and my mother's behavior when we were little that set this up. He was not home enough to see how she treated all of us...golden brother, invisible sister, scapegoat daughter... There are very negative consequences to covering your ears and saying, "La, la, la...I won't listen." I still feel badly about it. I don't really think he got it until my husband calmly told him that we don't want Sister up here or in our lives and when Princess didn't answer Sister's forced-by-father text when I was in surgical ICU. He sees now that my real family wants nothing to do with FOO. Before, he probably thought it was just me. That's the way he thinks. It's not just me. My entire family is done. But we would have kept up a low contact act for Dad. I don't want to hurt him at his age especially. Ok, Done venting. [/QUOTE]
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