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Family of Origin
Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675666" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>In our case, I got there first.</p><p></p><p>All I said once, over a 23 year period (I lived here in the 90's too, for 3 years, and thereafter my cousin was my accountant) was this: My sister and I have issues, or something like that. It was a statement that covered the relationship. Not that she was bad. Nor I. One time. How many years ago, I do not know.</p><p></p><p>So my sister had free rein to paint me as she wished. To my cousin. About my mother's death, about my being sole executor. </p><p></p><p>There are so many ways that I am different than my sister, or this cousin. All 3 of us have professions, are in the same social class. But I am like the pretender. The one who seems to be the impostor. To not belong. To be different. Unworthy.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure if it is in my own head.</p><p></p><p>I am always doing things like Cedar's dragon whose egg hatched among chickens. Everything she did or was, was wrong, wrong, wrong. Bad, bad, bad.</p><p></p><p>And she cannot figure out if she is a dragon or just an inferior, misguided chicken.</p><p></p><p>That is me. </p><p></p><p>My mother did not put a value judgment on it. She could not support me, but she knew my worth. To my sister? She lives as if she was the crown princess who unfortunately was born amidst plebians. Everything about me she turns her nose up. </p><p></p><p>And there is nothing at all about my sister that would give anybody the sense of her superiority...except for her belief that it is so. She is your garden variety arriveste. However that is spelled. </p><p></p><p>And me? There was always, I think, a glittery thing about me. I look nothing like and am nothing like Audrey Hepburn. But you know how there is something about her, how nothing can touch her, her innocence and vulnerability? I have something of the same. But my sister always, always thought and behaved as if there was something dirty about me. I believed that too. </p><p></p><p>I am thinking if maybe I projected that onto my sister. If my sister is my victim?</p><p></p><p>Could be. I will think about it.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675666, member: 18958"] In our case, I got there first. All I said once, over a 23 year period (I lived here in the 90's too, for 3 years, and thereafter my cousin was my accountant) was this: My sister and I have issues, or something like that. It was a statement that covered the relationship. Not that she was bad. Nor I. One time. How many years ago, I do not know. So my sister had free rein to paint me as she wished. To my cousin. About my mother's death, about my being sole executor. There are so many ways that I am different than my sister, or this cousin. All 3 of us have professions, are in the same social class. But I am like the pretender. The one who seems to be the impostor. To not belong. To be different. Unworthy. I am not sure if it is in my own head. I am always doing things like Cedar's dragon whose egg hatched among chickens. Everything she did or was, was wrong, wrong, wrong. Bad, bad, bad. And she cannot figure out if she is a dragon or just an inferior, misguided chicken. That is me. My mother did not put a value judgment on it. She could not support me, but she knew my worth. To my sister? She lives as if she was the crown princess who unfortunately was born amidst plebians. Everything about me she turns her nose up. And there is nothing at all about my sister that would give anybody the sense of her superiority...except for her belief that it is so. She is your garden variety arriveste. However that is spelled. And me? There was always, I think, a glittery thing about me. I look nothing like and am nothing like Audrey Hepburn. But you know how there is something about her, how nothing can touch her, her innocence and vulnerability? I have something of the same. But my sister always, always thought and behaved as if there was something dirty about me. I believed that too. I am thinking if maybe I projected that onto my sister. If my sister is my victim? Could be. I will think about it. COPA [/QUOTE]
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Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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