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surviving rebuilding after emotional affair
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 198423" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>What a true dilema - I am sure there are way too many details for you to give or would even want to share so I can only advise based on the very little that you have shared:</p><p> </p><p>Determine what you really want in this relationship. Can he provide it? Do you really want to continue while not really being able to trust? You have stated you are not sure if that trust could be returned. What does he need to do to regain that trust? Is he capable of doing so?</p><p> </p><p>Make a list of everything pro and con. Are the cons outweighing the pro? Remember, you could have 30 pros but one con can wipe them out - you need to decide how important each pro and con is.</p><p> </p><p>I do understand that if you decide to walk away that it will be extremely difficult to you and difficult child. However, you will be sending the message that you have important criterias for relationships and when one very important one is broken, you can not always make it work from there on. You will not allow anyone to treat you in this way.</p><p> </p><p>How do you feel each time you see him? Are you feeling happy to see him or has your thoughts become more and more negative as seeing him brings feelings of mistrust and your 1st thoughts are "where is he really coming from? What has he done today?" Can you get past those thoughts and see the man you love?</p><p> </p><p>If you do decide to keep him in your life, make sure that clear boundaries are set. He must know and live by the relation's boundaries. To do otherwise is disrespecting you and for your children's sake as well as your own, you can not live with someone who is disrespectful. He is to set the example to your kids that you are to be respected.</p><p> </p><p>So, I am not sure that I helped much if any. Maybe just put in words some of your feelings? I don't know enough to send you one way or the other.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 198423, member: 5096"] What a true dilema - I am sure there are way too many details for you to give or would even want to share so I can only advise based on the very little that you have shared: Determine what you really want in this relationship. Can he provide it? Do you really want to continue while not really being able to trust? You have stated you are not sure if that trust could be returned. What does he need to do to regain that trust? Is he capable of doing so? Make a list of everything pro and con. Are the cons outweighing the pro? Remember, you could have 30 pros but one con can wipe them out - you need to decide how important each pro and con is. I do understand that if you decide to walk away that it will be extremely difficult to you and difficult child. However, you will be sending the message that you have important criterias for relationships and when one very important one is broken, you can not always make it work from there on. You will not allow anyone to treat you in this way. How do you feel each time you see him? Are you feeling happy to see him or has your thoughts become more and more negative as seeing him brings feelings of mistrust and your 1st thoughts are "where is he really coming from? What has he done today?" Can you get past those thoughts and see the man you love? If you do decide to keep him in your life, make sure that clear boundaries are set. He must know and live by the relation's boundaries. To do otherwise is disrespecting you and for your children's sake as well as your own, you can not live with someone who is disrespectful. He is to set the example to your kids that you are to be respected. So, I am not sure that I helped much if any. Maybe just put in words some of your feelings? I don't know enough to send you one way or the other. [/QUOTE]
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