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surviving rebuilding after emotional affair
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 198428" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi,</p><p></p><p>you made alot of good points, and i did my lists i've got Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), so i'm all about the lists.........lol.......there are many good things on the list. yet the non trust, lies, lack of compassion regarding it outweigh the good to be quite honest.</p><p></p><p>he has said he will go to couples counseling. i made him go back to therapy before thsi hit because i felt as though he was still strugging with issues. im just very sad right now. last time we spoke of it was may. yet hearing this past few days of her being there, him driving her home, etc. me thinking he was one place when he was really in another is hurtful. trust is a very important component for me in a relationship. he destroyed mine in him.</p><p></p><p>great point about showing difficult child that boundaries and self respect are crucial.</p><p>do i want to live a life where i'm always wondering what he's doing at work since he's there 18 hours a day? what's in his phone? that's like living in a prison to me. </p><p></p><p>supposedly it was stricly emotional, supposedly. she was very aggressive a.m. text everyday, didn't care of my existance in it, even called me one time to tell me she'd been seeing him for 7 mos and i should just move out. i immediately called him at work and said your stuff will be on porch he said no she's just nuts i didn't touch her. i said if she was so nuts then why'd you talk to her for 7 mos???? </p><p></p><p>i can't go into details because it was 7 mos worth. i'm a very non trusting person to begin with i've been hurt so i'm very vigilant probably too much so to be honest. yet he lied to me for months about it, covered it up used excuses really lied badly. stated she was his friends girlfriend she began stalking friend and asked him to help out by talking to her. well guess waht they never stopped talking apparentley. i even found a list of xmas gifts in his truck not so long ago on them were gifts for me then listed her name after mine, guess what her name is jen also then his ex (yup that's a whole other story lol). so i even said you bought her a xmas gift and he responded with no i was going to but then didn't. just alot of deception and lies to cover thsi girl up. she is known to be unstable, his excuse is i was just trying to keep the peace,etc. not have her go crazy on me. yet thats a bunch of lies i think there was too much interplay between them. he admits he was wrong. yet i don't think i can ever learn to trust him again. he says well i do so much for you that should speak volumes. i said money means nothing it's trust and friendship that mean everything. </p><p></p><p>he even lied so much during a very stressful time with difficult child that i actually went to dr and got prescribed an anti depressant because i thought i was being dillussional in my thought that he was cheating and i said to him clearly i am depressed adn i was and i'm torturing you and you have done nothing wrong and i even said i'm taking thsi medication because of what i'm doing to you. he actually let me pop it without teling me the truth, he had a window and he didn't take it</p><p></p><p>so what because of hte stuff he does for me difficult child i'm supposed to just let it go rebuild again? how can i? i don't even know if i want to go to therapy with him to be honest. we've done our best to handle this outside of here. i didn't want difficult child thrown off. so we have truck dates their called. he comes home at midnight we sit with tea in truck and hash it out if need be. i dont' even feel like doing that right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 198428, member: 4514"] hi, you made alot of good points, and i did my lists i've got Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), so i'm all about the lists.........lol.......there are many good things on the list. yet the non trust, lies, lack of compassion regarding it outweigh the good to be quite honest. he has said he will go to couples counseling. i made him go back to therapy before thsi hit because i felt as though he was still strugging with issues. im just very sad right now. last time we spoke of it was may. yet hearing this past few days of her being there, him driving her home, etc. me thinking he was one place when he was really in another is hurtful. trust is a very important component for me in a relationship. he destroyed mine in him. great point about showing difficult child that boundaries and self respect are crucial. do i want to live a life where i'm always wondering what he's doing at work since he's there 18 hours a day? what's in his phone? that's like living in a prison to me. supposedly it was stricly emotional, supposedly. she was very aggressive a.m. text everyday, didn't care of my existance in it, even called me one time to tell me she'd been seeing him for 7 mos and i should just move out. i immediately called him at work and said your stuff will be on porch he said no she's just nuts i didn't touch her. i said if she was so nuts then why'd you talk to her for 7 mos???? i can't go into details because it was 7 mos worth. i'm a very non trusting person to begin with i've been hurt so i'm very vigilant probably too much so to be honest. yet he lied to me for months about it, covered it up used excuses really lied badly. stated she was his friends girlfriend she began stalking friend and asked him to help out by talking to her. well guess waht they never stopped talking apparentley. i even found a list of xmas gifts in his truck not so long ago on them were gifts for me then listed her name after mine, guess what her name is jen also then his ex (yup that's a whole other story lol). so i even said you bought her a xmas gift and he responded with no i was going to but then didn't. just alot of deception and lies to cover thsi girl up. she is known to be unstable, his excuse is i was just trying to keep the peace,etc. not have her go crazy on me. yet thats a bunch of lies i think there was too much interplay between them. he admits he was wrong. yet i don't think i can ever learn to trust him again. he says well i do so much for you that should speak volumes. i said money means nothing it's trust and friendship that mean everything. he even lied so much during a very stressful time with difficult child that i actually went to dr and got prescribed an anti depressant because i thought i was being dillussional in my thought that he was cheating and i said to him clearly i am depressed adn i was and i'm torturing you and you have done nothing wrong and i even said i'm taking thsi medication because of what i'm doing to you. he actually let me pop it without teling me the truth, he had a window and he didn't take it so what because of hte stuff he does for me difficult child i'm supposed to just let it go rebuild again? how can i? i don't even know if i want to go to therapy with him to be honest. we've done our best to handle this outside of here. i didn't want difficult child thrown off. so we have truck dates their called. he comes home at midnight we sit with tea in truck and hash it out if need be. i dont' even feel like doing that right now. [/QUOTE]
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