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The Watercooler
surviving rebuilding after emotional affair
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 201926" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Jennifer, I hope this works out. Your description of this girl only confirms my own views expressed earlier - your boyfriend, being of the 'rescuer' mould, walked right into a spiderweb trap set by an unstable woman who played the 'needy' card to get the only sort of attention she accepts and therefore craves. And when her own sick fantasies fail to materialise, she attacks a bloke in his most vulnerable place and accuses often the nicest blokes of the worst crimes, purely in her own desperation for love.</p><p></p><p>YOU deserve to be happy. Your boyfriend was (as far as I could see) never seeing her in any way as a love object. You filled that niche. But her neediness (which she put on like a robe) was what dragged him in to a pattern of deceit which she prompted and set up.</p><p></p><p>I've seen blokes get caught like this before. You're lucky (or, more likely, boyfriend is lucky) that she never made accusations against him (other than her sick call to you). Her aim was to break you up so he would take her on. He never would have, she wouldn't have accepted that.</p><p></p><p>She has lost. Not only that, she never could have won. </p><p></p><p>He was still there for you, still loving you, still valuing you. But you seemed strong. She seemed weak and needy. Now he's had a very harsh, sharp lesson. Counselling is good because it teaches him how he was so vulnerable to this. </p><p></p><p>You have a good man, I think. A fool at times, but I think he knows this right now. He has a good woman and I think he never forgot this.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 201926, member: 1991"] Jennifer, I hope this works out. Your description of this girl only confirms my own views expressed earlier - your boyfriend, being of the 'rescuer' mould, walked right into a spiderweb trap set by an unstable woman who played the 'needy' card to get the only sort of attention she accepts and therefore craves. And when her own sick fantasies fail to materialise, she attacks a bloke in his most vulnerable place and accuses often the nicest blokes of the worst crimes, purely in her own desperation for love. YOU deserve to be happy. Your boyfriend was (as far as I could see) never seeing her in any way as a love object. You filled that niche. But her neediness (which she put on like a robe) was what dragged him in to a pattern of deceit which she prompted and set up. I've seen blokes get caught like this before. You're lucky (or, more likely, boyfriend is lucky) that she never made accusations against him (other than her sick call to you). Her aim was to break you up so he would take her on. He never would have, she wouldn't have accepted that. She has lost. Not only that, she never could have won. He was still there for you, still loving you, still valuing you. But you seemed strong. She seemed weak and needy. Now he's had a very harsh, sharp lesson. Counselling is good because it teaches him how he was so vulnerable to this. You have a good man, I think. A fool at times, but I think he knows this right now. He has a good woman and I think he never forgot this. Marg [/QUOTE]
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surviving rebuilding after emotional affair
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