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Taking a break
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 321562" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I will post here, because I don't know if you will read the rest of the other thread.</p><p></p><p>Star wrote very eloquently about the situation. I cannot connect that emotionally in writing. I do try, but it always sounds very businesslike when I write. I don't mean to sound judgemental, and I truly don't think or feel that way. I do feel worried though. </p><p></p><p>I wrote in my post that things will probably seem less dire after a good night's sleep. It is true. What I wrote about my dad saying it is also true. When your mind and heart are trying to handle a problem like this it is just human nature to not sleep well. Stay up late because you can't stop thinking about it. Then you are short on sleep and have to work. Then you are exhausted and still trying to work it out, so you can't get to sleep on time or even early because you cannot stop thinking the worst. </p><p></p><p>Even a day or two of that cycle will make things seem far worse than they are. More ways to handle things will come to mind after a good night's sleep or two. At the least it will make you recharged enough to cope reasonably well.</p><p></p><p>I still think this is reasonable advice. It doesn't mean that I think you are over-reacting. It doesn't mean that it is not a serious problem. It is just a suggestion to help you cope.</p><p></p><p>Matt is at an age where you can give him all the tools in the world, the ones that will best help him make his way in the world. but NOTHING you do can make him use them. You could give him 3 different shovels, a backhoe, and every other digging tool that exists. Not a single one would help him dig a hole unless he chose to use one. If he insisted on using his hands and a hand trowel it is going to be an enormous and overwhelming job to dig that hole. Even knowing that you STILL cannot make him use a different tool.</p><p></p><p>Matt has probably been taught a lot of ways to cope. Lots of ways to handle his mental illness and his life with all its problems and challenges. No matter what anyone says or does, if Matt won't use the tools then you cannot force him to.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you felt I was judging you. I understand the need for a break and I hope you can recharge your batteries and find new ways to face these challenges.</p><p></p><p>I hope at some point you write down a list of all the major stresses you have gone through in the last few years. Your sister's death, the way her death was handled by the police and your family, Matt's illness and growing problems, Matt attacking you, and the job change with the big move. It is a huge list when you consider the stress of each event. All of them hitting you in a relatively short period of time.</p><p></p><p>It is just a lot to deal with, even before the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) called you with this latest thing. THAT is why I worry about you and why I suggest seeing a therapist. </p><p></p><p>I did not say anything with the intention of hurting you and I am sorry if I did hurt you. </p><p></p><p>Many hugs,</p><p></p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 321562, member: 1233"] I will post here, because I don't know if you will read the rest of the other thread. Star wrote very eloquently about the situation. I cannot connect that emotionally in writing. I do try, but it always sounds very businesslike when I write. I don't mean to sound judgemental, and I truly don't think or feel that way. I do feel worried though. I wrote in my post that things will probably seem less dire after a good night's sleep. It is true. What I wrote about my dad saying it is also true. When your mind and heart are trying to handle a problem like this it is just human nature to not sleep well. Stay up late because you can't stop thinking about it. Then you are short on sleep and have to work. Then you are exhausted and still trying to work it out, so you can't get to sleep on time or even early because you cannot stop thinking the worst. Even a day or two of that cycle will make things seem far worse than they are. More ways to handle things will come to mind after a good night's sleep or two. At the least it will make you recharged enough to cope reasonably well. I still think this is reasonable advice. It doesn't mean that I think you are over-reacting. It doesn't mean that it is not a serious problem. It is just a suggestion to help you cope. Matt is at an age where you can give him all the tools in the world, the ones that will best help him make his way in the world. but NOTHING you do can make him use them. You could give him 3 different shovels, a backhoe, and every other digging tool that exists. Not a single one would help him dig a hole unless he chose to use one. If he insisted on using his hands and a hand trowel it is going to be an enormous and overwhelming job to dig that hole. Even knowing that you STILL cannot make him use a different tool. Matt has probably been taught a lot of ways to cope. Lots of ways to handle his mental illness and his life with all its problems and challenges. No matter what anyone says or does, if Matt won't use the tools then you cannot force him to. I am sorry you felt I was judging you. I understand the need for a break and I hope you can recharge your batteries and find new ways to face these challenges. I hope at some point you write down a list of all the major stresses you have gone through in the last few years. Your sister's death, the way her death was handled by the police and your family, Matt's illness and growing problems, Matt attacking you, and the job change with the big move. It is a huge list when you consider the stress of each event. All of them hitting you in a relatively short period of time. It is just a lot to deal with, even before the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) called you with this latest thing. THAT is why I worry about you and why I suggest seeing a therapist. I did not say anything with the intention of hurting you and I am sorry if I did hurt you. Many hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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