Talked with difficult child last night.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    First forgive me for typos, etc. on the ipad.

    After much thought, i elected to reactivate difficult children phone. He is going to at least two meetings a day and has a new sponsor because the previous one is now many miles away. New sponsor gave him a lot of homework. Good.

    Have started to talk to difficult child about me...little about him. Told him if something happened to him, that i coudnt forgive myself if he had used that phone to reconnect with users. That i couldnt prevent him from contacting them. If he wanted to, he would need to find another way.

    difficult child claims idiot pals arent the issue but he is. Okay but they arent helping....just shows me he isnt there yet. But at least he is in meetings so thats progress.

    I continue to be shocked and confused at his level of anger towards me. I know it is transferred to me cause he cannot handle being that angry at himself but it is exhausting. I am proud i didnt get angry once on the phone. Detactment works.

    difficult child told me there is two small rooms in the house where he was...one set up like a school, another like a principals office. Used for child porn. Dont know what to believe. difficult child isnt that creative to think that up. Time will prove everything.

    Was thinking about the whole thing last night. I figured out where difficult child is. Family. Both parents employed. Stable. Recovering. One 19 yo. Working. In school. One 10 yr old. Maybe this is exactly what he needed. What do i know? I remembered when my brother was 19, that he lived with us for a semester cause he couldn't get along with our parents. Frankly, i was glad to see him move back in with them afterward. Later, my 20 yo. brother in law moved in here for a month or so due to the same thing. Im grateful to this family. Taking one day at a time.
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    {{hugs}}
    It helps the stress level a bit when we know their environment is more positive...
     
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    {hugs} I am glad you have some positive news and that he is in a safe place. Progress is progress however limited.

    I was posting in my journal - rereading back posts to try to get a perspective and I came across something I read here that I saved and I am sharing it - because I think we are both probably resisting the urge to go get our boys and make them whole...

    I am going to tattoo it on my inner arm (not really)

    "When we step in to rescue them, it is to diminish the stress WE are experiencing about their issues..."

    I want to step in so badly right now. Not that my kid would welcome it or even respond... but the yearning is there to make it all better. And the above quote is a good reminder to NOT step in.
     
  4. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Sig...LOVE the quote. Thanks for sharing.

    My Al-anon sponsor talked to me about how hard it is to wait for the other shoe to drop and how we both have a tendency to go grab it and throw it on the floor....simply because we know it will happen and we are tired of waiting on it.

     
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    AG,
    I am sorry he's expressing his anger at you - I know how crappy that feels, beleive me.
    The child porn thing, if it's true, is the craziest thing I've ever heard. If it's happening NOW, and children may be abused, should you call the FBI or something? I know the regular police are on to something, but that's what they said at Penn State when Sandusky was abusing those kids. Just a thought. But if difficult child is making this up, it will make you look incredibly stupid, but I don't know??
     
  6. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    CJ...I totally agree with you....but don't know enough to tell anyone any details. This guy isn't anyone with clout to hide anything.

    I know difficult child got a call from the police this morning. Was glad he volunteered it when I asked how his day was - I had already seen it on his call log. Said he had to go in for a statement.

    Long ago, he told me the guy who owned that house worked one full time job and one part time job. Okay...times are tough, I get that. But he also mentioned he would drive a school bus on occasion. Now that small statement from months ago is ringing in my ears. I do know that isn't happening any more.
     
  7. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    AG,
    I just want to say that despite difficult child's rages at you, which are inexcusable (and if he's not delusional about this), he's taking a heck of a chance talking to the police about that guy, and he clearly does have a big, good heart and the decency to be appalled at what he may have seen. He's not as far gone as he may seem. I'm rooting for him.
     
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm rooting for him too. Anxious to hear about what is happening in that house and if it is child porn I hope they go away for a very long time.

    Nancy
     
  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Ag,
    I'm glad he is going to meetings-this is a good start. I hope he levels out and gets back on the train. I agree with CJ-he is not as far gone as we think if he sees that this child porn thing is really bad and is willing to risk talking to the police. Isn't just amazing the sh%& holes they end up in when they are using? My question is; Can they see where this will lead and that it is so far from the values they have been taught?
     
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I needed to read that this morning. Looked at difficult child's FB this morning and she posted about being starving. (She got fired from Waffle House the first day - she claims from breaking a plate, I am smart enough to know no one gets fired for a broken plate). I want to rescue her because for some reason hunger pulls at me, but I just did rescue her and that is when everything went to poo. I got her a room for a week and some food to carry her a week when she started this new job. Sheesh, I can't support her. Hello, ready for rehab, yet???
     
  11. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    PG,
    Oh no! What happened? I thought she was getting rid of FB and starting a whole new chapter of her life, dumping boyfriend, she was so happy to get the job at Waffle House. OMG.
     
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aw PG this pulls at my heartstrings too. I understand, my difficult child is hungry too.

    Nancy
     
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