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Teacher on the warpath
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 325438" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I can hear where you're coming from. At the moment a part of you feels the desperte need to say, "See? Now THAT was typical aspei, did you see it?" while the rest of you wants your child to learn how to function.</p><p></p><p>You need both approaches. But until you can have him in a placement where the teacher can see what you need, can help difficult child see that he needs to be adaptable in his answers, nobody is going to learn anything.</p><p></p><p>The teacher sees you trying to use your child to prove a point, you see the teacher as stubborn and refusing to modify her approach one iota and denying any evidence she needs to.</p><p></p><p>stalemate.</p><p></p><p>You can break a stalemate with a meeting which lays it all on the table. "difficult child has been diagnosed with asperger's Syndrome. it would explain a lot. But it doesn't mean we justecuse it all and don't have expectartions for him. But it could mean needing to find a different way of trying to get through to him, working within his current limitations in order to move him beyond these limits."</p><p></p><p>If she can't even 'get' this much, then public school can't be much worse, surely? But I would talk to them first, make sure you can find it better and not be out of the frying pan into the fire.</p><p></p><p>We should always try to re-educate the people in our kids' lives, because if we always use the 'turn and run' appraoch away from problems, we don't know if we're risknig walking in to bigger problems. besides, a battle alrady half-fought is a battle you are halfway to winning. Why fight any part of a battle over and over? If I had walked away from a school or a teacher every time I had a problem, difficult child 3 would have been moved around a great deal more, probably with a great deal less benefit. and the educators we left in our ake would have biased ideas against a kid like difficult child. PLus, these people talk to one another. They live inthe same area they work in, they talk to othr teachers and word gets around.</p><p></p><p>I've seen the same phenomenon in patients with various chronic illnesses. Some, when they encounter doctors who give them a hard time, will walk away. others stand their ground and say to the doctor, "You are wrong and I want to discuss this." Sometimes the ones who stay and discuss, still end up leaving. But sometimes it works and what you get is a doctor whose opinions have changed, for the better. and it works the other way - these guys talk too, and share their new knowledge with their colleagues.</p><p></p><p>The difficult patients - they would move on. And move on again. I made recommendations of good doctors to some of these people, often to find that the doctor may have been having an off day, or the patient met someone in thew waiting room they didn't like, or didn't like the receptionist or the registrar... for whatever reason, they would move on, often until they had exhausted all possibilities. I know doctors talk, and these patients would get a reputation.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes the patient has something genuinely, seriously, physically wrong. mother in law was talking to me in the car the other day about how she would love to go back to see a certain doctor or two and shwo them hr blood test results. These doctors, years ago, had expressed deep cynicism about her medical condition and had literally told her to pull herself together and stop malingering. She turns out to have a serious neurological disorder which needed urgent treatment. But every time she changed to go to a different doctor, it was like re-setting the clock on her treatment. All the previous time wasted.</p><p></p><p>The same thing happens with teaching - a teacher who has never encountered this problem andwho wouldtend to not want to beleive this problem, will at first try denial and sometimes angr at the parent. It is the FIRST thing that people do, to blame others. Especially the parent. But if you gently persist and use the proper channels, you have a chance of turning this around.</p><p></p><p>It may not work - or you may not feel it's worth the other hassles, all things considered. But you can learn from this encountr - how can you prevent this happening at the public school? What can you put in place now to ease the path for you and your child?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 325438, member: 1991"] I can hear where you're coming from. At the moment a part of you feels the desperte need to say, "See? Now THAT was typical aspei, did you see it?" while the rest of you wants your child to learn how to function. You need both approaches. But until you can have him in a placement where the teacher can see what you need, can help difficult child see that he needs to be adaptable in his answers, nobody is going to learn anything. The teacher sees you trying to use your child to prove a point, you see the teacher as stubborn and refusing to modify her approach one iota and denying any evidence she needs to. stalemate. You can break a stalemate with a meeting which lays it all on the table. "difficult child has been diagnosed with asperger's Syndrome. it would explain a lot. But it doesn't mean we justecuse it all and don't have expectartions for him. But it could mean needing to find a different way of trying to get through to him, working within his current limitations in order to move him beyond these limits." If she can't even 'get' this much, then public school can't be much worse, surely? But I would talk to them first, make sure you can find it better and not be out of the frying pan into the fire. We should always try to re-educate the people in our kids' lives, because if we always use the 'turn and run' appraoch away from problems, we don't know if we're risknig walking in to bigger problems. besides, a battle alrady half-fought is a battle you are halfway to winning. Why fight any part of a battle over and over? If I had walked away from a school or a teacher every time I had a problem, difficult child 3 would have been moved around a great deal more, probably with a great deal less benefit. and the educators we left in our ake would have biased ideas against a kid like difficult child. PLus, these people talk to one another. They live inthe same area they work in, they talk to othr teachers and word gets around. I've seen the same phenomenon in patients with various chronic illnesses. Some, when they encounter doctors who give them a hard time, will walk away. others stand their ground and say to the doctor, "You are wrong and I want to discuss this." Sometimes the ones who stay and discuss, still end up leaving. But sometimes it works and what you get is a doctor whose opinions have changed, for the better. and it works the other way - these guys talk too, and share their new knowledge with their colleagues. The difficult patients - they would move on. And move on again. I made recommendations of good doctors to some of these people, often to find that the doctor may have been having an off day, or the patient met someone in thew waiting room they didn't like, or didn't like the receptionist or the registrar... for whatever reason, they would move on, often until they had exhausted all possibilities. I know doctors talk, and these patients would get a reputation. Sometimes the patient has something genuinely, seriously, physically wrong. mother in law was talking to me in the car the other day about how she would love to go back to see a certain doctor or two and shwo them hr blood test results. These doctors, years ago, had expressed deep cynicism about her medical condition and had literally told her to pull herself together and stop malingering. She turns out to have a serious neurological disorder which needed urgent treatment. But every time she changed to go to a different doctor, it was like re-setting the clock on her treatment. All the previous time wasted. The same thing happens with teaching - a teacher who has never encountered this problem andwho wouldtend to not want to beleive this problem, will at first try denial and sometimes angr at the parent. It is the FIRST thing that people do, to blame others. Especially the parent. But if you gently persist and use the proper channels, you have a chance of turning this around. It may not work - or you may not feel it's worth the other hassles, all things considered. But you can learn from this encountr - how can you prevent this happening at the public school? What can you put in place now to ease the path for you and your child? Marg [/QUOTE]
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