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Parent Emeritus
Tears in my eyes, pain in my heart but yet i put a smile on my face
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 531372" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>(((((hugs))))))</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you're going to see someone for yourself. That sort of abuse is really hard to take, most especially from your own child. </p><p></p><p>As far as your son goes? Unless he can manage to talk to you in a calm respectful manner, he has no business talking to you. Just because he is your son does NOT mean you have to subject yourself to his abuse. Put that boundary into place and keep it there. If a call starts out calmly and deteriorates because he can't tolerate being told no, simply hang up. Don't let it go to voice mail where you'll have to hear it later. He can keep those words to himself. </p><p></p><p>You <strong>can't</strong> make him change, but you <strong>can</strong> change how you react to him and his abusive behavior. You can also learn to change the effect it has on you. From what it sounds like in your posts, the word No brings on adult sized temper tantrums. So treat it the same way you'd treat a 2 yr old's temper tantrum, ignore it, refuse to take it personally. He says what he says to hurt you, because he knows it hurts you. Learn to not give him that power. Your therapist can help you. </p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board. I'm so very glad you found us. And I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 531372, member: 84"] (((((hugs)))))) I'm glad you're going to see someone for yourself. That sort of abuse is really hard to take, most especially from your own child. As far as your son goes? Unless he can manage to talk to you in a calm respectful manner, he has no business talking to you. Just because he is your son does NOT mean you have to subject yourself to his abuse. Put that boundary into place and keep it there. If a call starts out calmly and deteriorates because he can't tolerate being told no, simply hang up. Don't let it go to voice mail where you'll have to hear it later. He can keep those words to himself. You [B]can't[/B] make him change, but you [B]can[/B] change how you react to him and his abusive behavior. You can also learn to change the effect it has on you. From what it sounds like in your posts, the word No brings on adult sized temper tantrums. So treat it the same way you'd treat a 2 yr old's temper tantrum, ignore it, refuse to take it personally. He says what he says to hurt you, because he knows it hurts you. Learn to not give him that power. Your therapist can help you. Welcome to the board. I'm so very glad you found us. And I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. [/QUOTE]
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Tears in my eyes, pain in my heart but yet i put a smile on my face
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