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Terrible Day with Oldest difficult child (release vent)
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiapet" data-source="post: 527189" data-attributes="member: 455"><p>Janet - it's not quite like your house, though she will explode at times. She will help around the house unike those in your house as she knows I can not do things anymore like I used to. She's the only one who will actually do anything. The comment about about guilt clean was the level of cleaning she did. It was far and above a normal pick up. The house normal is fairly decent but sometimes it gets to be really messy of things that just get dropped (clutter) left all over in the way, never dirty, and laundry can get backed up. You are right about the stress. A bunch of this does have to do somewhat with the stress here over the younger difficult children and the fact that they have issues that are a problem, middle one being the biggest. No much we've been able to do with her but we are working on it from all angle for them both and have support and services in place. She also resents the fact very much that life was different for her (prior to their births) and how she was treated when she had many of the problems we are going through with the younger difficult children. You know the saying do better when you know better. That's what is happening as well as I am no longer with an abusive ex who treated her horribly. She expects them to be treated as harshly as she was. That is NOT going to happen, ever! It's been a big battle.</p><p></p><p>Crazy in Va - I have tried that with her but everything with her needs an answer right now. I've told her to figure out answers that I can't do everything for her and often in time she will. This has been festering for months and hence how she created her own plan b. She just didn't act on that one yet, she jumped ahead to this "new" plan instead! Since she was little everything has always been my fault. Not sure why but it's always been like this with her. It's funny because on one hand she will call me "god or magical" because I can make things right or happen or work out in her life and this is why she uses those terms (and I <em>always tell her I am no such thing and don't like her saying this- years ago her therapist tried to help her understand how uncomfortable it made me feel, the pedestal she had put me on)</em> then on the other everything is my fault and she takes it all out on me (no matter what the issue is). It's a paradox type thing I guess.</p><p></p><p>Susie - I can appreciate where you are coming from. She already is on SSI, already contributes <em>her</em> share to the bills and actually uses that as an excuse as she is paying "rent/board (which covers her % of everything but food as it never would cover it all). I in turn give her back an allowance for the month to spend that she must budget on anything she wants to get or do. Of course as a parent, we always do for our kids as well and I've been cutting back on that trying to teach her. I am her rep since she can not handle her own money (see so she can not handle it like she says she can!) I go by the federal guidelines as to what she can be charged, however, of course as stated above, if I charged her what they say to charge (to keep in reality if she lived on own) she would have nothing. Yes, I could do that but I feel that would definitely teach her nothing and most certainly create much more tension in this house then is necessary. She is learning, slowly. </p><p></p><p>Her mental health is unstable. This is why it is crucial for her to stay with her doctor and therapist and that is a battle to begin with. It usually doesn't last as she will find a conflict somehow or start refusing to take medicine as "what's the point"? She does have BiPolar (BP) but we are now looking at a suspected personality disorder I think, she has severe anxieties. In the past she had a diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder to. That had gone away but I'm not so sure it hasn't returned because boy, it sure seems like it's back! She gets angry over everything and everyone. She can get ****** at someone online and then explode here. She can get angry and explode over the wrong usage of proper grammer (she is heavily into that). She has serious issues. On the other hand, it is a daily struggle for her with suicidal thoughts. I'm not sure how to explain this though. They are there. She doesn't act on them but she must battle them every single day and NO medication has helped (and she has been on it all). She does not need to be hospitalized because basically she is not "dangerous". She'd end up there for life. I don't know if you understand this? This girl is struggling to just get through life. I'm not excusing her by any means.</p><p></p><p>Her words about my life, well I came from an abusive relationship. She just felt I should have been able to just up and leave, period. Easier sad then done sometimes. I am not sure about the money, I think it's the pot calling the kettle black honestly because there's never been an issue regarding that, it was a left field statement and I didn't take it personally. I have boundaries with her and she respects most of them except when she explodes like this. We just haven't found a way to work through stopping her from doing it. She is a writer and I know in her writing that I have seen, she has written many times how she will say things she regrets but she says them to hurt those she loves. Her writing is very revealing and I have been privy to some of it. I don't know if she can control this or not at this time. But I do know that she is capable of apologizing. There in lies the difference. She follows my rules for the house (adult or not). Many adults living at home may not do this, she does. Again, we have boundaries and rules for living at home. She's not reading or capable of living on own or in transitional type (due to her personality and issues). We just keep working on these things. I have access to her doctor and therapist as well so another plus that she allows this as she knows that she needs outside input to help her and help them at times. I only add input when necessary. Otherwise I let her be with the doctor and therapist to work it out for herself. Does any of this make sense?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiapet, post: 527189, member: 455"] Janet - it's not quite like your house, though she will explode at times. She will help around the house unike those in your house as she knows I can not do things anymore like I used to. She's the only one who will actually do anything. The comment about about guilt clean was the level of cleaning she did. It was far and above a normal pick up. The house normal is fairly decent but sometimes it gets to be really messy of things that just get dropped (clutter) left all over in the way, never dirty, and laundry can get backed up. You are right about the stress. A bunch of this does have to do somewhat with the stress here over the younger difficult children and the fact that they have issues that are a problem, middle one being the biggest. No much we've been able to do with her but we are working on it from all angle for them both and have support and services in place. She also resents the fact very much that life was different for her (prior to their births) and how she was treated when she had many of the problems we are going through with the younger difficult children. You know the saying do better when you know better. That's what is happening as well as I am no longer with an abusive ex who treated her horribly. She expects them to be treated as harshly as she was. That is NOT going to happen, ever! It's been a big battle. Crazy in Va - I have tried that with her but everything with her needs an answer right now. I've told her to figure out answers that I can't do everything for her and often in time she will. This has been festering for months and hence how she created her own plan b. She just didn't act on that one yet, she jumped ahead to this "new" plan instead! Since she was little everything has always been my fault. Not sure why but it's always been like this with her. It's funny because on one hand she will call me "god or magical" because I can make things right or happen or work out in her life and this is why she uses those terms (and I [I]always tell her I am no such thing and don't like her saying this- years ago her therapist tried to help her understand how uncomfortable it made me feel, the pedestal she had put me on)[/I] then on the other everything is my fault and she takes it all out on me (no matter what the issue is). It's a paradox type thing I guess. Susie - I can appreciate where you are coming from. She already is on SSI, already contributes [I]her[/I] share to the bills and actually uses that as an excuse as she is paying "rent/board (which covers her % of everything but food as it never would cover it all). I in turn give her back an allowance for the month to spend that she must budget on anything she wants to get or do. Of course as a parent, we always do for our kids as well and I've been cutting back on that trying to teach her. I am her rep since she can not handle her own money (see so she can not handle it like she says she can!) I go by the federal guidelines as to what she can be charged, however, of course as stated above, if I charged her what they say to charge (to keep in reality if she lived on own) she would have nothing. Yes, I could do that but I feel that would definitely teach her nothing and most certainly create much more tension in this house then is necessary. She is learning, slowly. Her mental health is unstable. This is why it is crucial for her to stay with her doctor and therapist and that is a battle to begin with. It usually doesn't last as she will find a conflict somehow or start refusing to take medicine as "what's the point"? She does have BiPolar (BP) but we are now looking at a suspected personality disorder I think, she has severe anxieties. In the past she had a diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder to. That had gone away but I'm not so sure it hasn't returned because boy, it sure seems like it's back! She gets angry over everything and everyone. She can get ****** at someone online and then explode here. She can get angry and explode over the wrong usage of proper grammer (she is heavily into that). She has serious issues. On the other hand, it is a daily struggle for her with suicidal thoughts. I'm not sure how to explain this though. They are there. She doesn't act on them but she must battle them every single day and NO medication has helped (and she has been on it all). She does not need to be hospitalized because basically she is not "dangerous". She'd end up there for life. I don't know if you understand this? This girl is struggling to just get through life. I'm not excusing her by any means. Her words about my life, well I came from an abusive relationship. She just felt I should have been able to just up and leave, period. Easier sad then done sometimes. I am not sure about the money, I think it's the pot calling the kettle black honestly because there's never been an issue regarding that, it was a left field statement and I didn't take it personally. I have boundaries with her and she respects most of them except when she explodes like this. We just haven't found a way to work through stopping her from doing it. She is a writer and I know in her writing that I have seen, she has written many times how she will say things she regrets but she says them to hurt those she loves. Her writing is very revealing and I have been privy to some of it. I don't know if she can control this or not at this time. But I do know that she is capable of apologizing. There in lies the difference. She follows my rules for the house (adult or not). Many adults living at home may not do this, she does. Again, we have boundaries and rules for living at home. She's not reading or capable of living on own or in transitional type (due to her personality and issues). We just keep working on these things. I have access to her doctor and therapist as well so another plus that she allows this as she knows that she needs outside input to help her and help them at times. I only add input when necessary. Otherwise I let her be with the doctor and therapist to work it out for herself. Does any of this make sense? [/QUOTE]
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