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Terrible Day with Oldest difficult child (release vent)
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 527275" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It seems like you have a great handle on things. You know her best, and being at home paying her share is a very different thing than being there not paying anything and exploding all over mom whenever. So my comments were wrong and I am sorry I misjudged. It was a bad day and I wasn't thinking as clearly as usual.</p><p></p><p>One thing that helped HUGELY with Wiz was when we stopped allowing semantics and justifications. We learned it when he was in the psychiatric hospital and we would just say 'justification' and ignore his 'reason' or whatever, or say 'semantics' and go on and ignore his statement. He hated it at first, but after a while he realized he was using it to distance himself and not have to feel or think about what he had done that was a problem. I don't know f that is the right approach to handle it with your daughter, just that it did work with Wiz. After he had been with my parents for a year or two I reminded my mom of this and it made a huge difference when she started doing it again.</p><p></p><p>Mostly I think your instincts will guide you to figure out what she needs. Any time a child is suicidal it just terrifies the parents and it has to be handled differently than if that wasn't a problem. I am sorry it is a problem that you ahve to face and fear with her. DBT may be very helpful, and EMDR might help with the ptsd from her childhood. It might make a huge difference for her. </p><p></p><p>While I realize this was not written for adult chldren, it still might help you some. Dr. Doug Riley wrote a book called What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You and if her explosions are back it mght be helpful to you. Heck, it might help her figure out why she explodes too. Self knowledge can be a wonderful thing when it comes to adjusting behaviors. You also might talk through any sensory issues to see if there is a way to help her with some of the sensory problems of living in a family. </p><p></p><p>If she doesn't have a copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves, it might be a great gift for her. The author has at least one other book that I forget the name of, but they might be something she really enjoyed as a gift at some point. My family is big on grammar and word choice, etc..... My dad still laughs at all the Saturday mornings when he was watching Bugs Bunny and I was reading a dictionary or encyclopedia instead, lol. My mom keeps Eats, Shoots and Leaves and similar books in the bathrooms, along wth Elements of Style by Strunk and White (it lived in the bathrooms when I was a teen, lol. Periodically the copies got replaced as they fell apart from being read too often. )</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 527275, member: 1233"] It seems like you have a great handle on things. You know her best, and being at home paying her share is a very different thing than being there not paying anything and exploding all over mom whenever. So my comments were wrong and I am sorry I misjudged. It was a bad day and I wasn't thinking as clearly as usual. One thing that helped HUGELY with Wiz was when we stopped allowing semantics and justifications. We learned it when he was in the psychiatric hospital and we would just say 'justification' and ignore his 'reason' or whatever, or say 'semantics' and go on and ignore his statement. He hated it at first, but after a while he realized he was using it to distance himself and not have to feel or think about what he had done that was a problem. I don't know f that is the right approach to handle it with your daughter, just that it did work with Wiz. After he had been with my parents for a year or two I reminded my mom of this and it made a huge difference when she started doing it again. Mostly I think your instincts will guide you to figure out what she needs. Any time a child is suicidal it just terrifies the parents and it has to be handled differently than if that wasn't a problem. I am sorry it is a problem that you ahve to face and fear with her. DBT may be very helpful, and EMDR might help with the ptsd from her childhood. It might make a huge difference for her. While I realize this was not written for adult chldren, it still might help you some. Dr. Doug Riley wrote a book called What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You and if her explosions are back it mght be helpful to you. Heck, it might help her figure out why she explodes too. Self knowledge can be a wonderful thing when it comes to adjusting behaviors. You also might talk through any sensory issues to see if there is a way to help her with some of the sensory problems of living in a family. If she doesn't have a copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves, it might be a great gift for her. The author has at least one other book that I forget the name of, but they might be something she really enjoyed as a gift at some point. My family is big on grammar and word choice, etc..... My dad still laughs at all the Saturday mornings when he was watching Bugs Bunny and I was reading a dictionary or encyclopedia instead, lol. My mom keeps Eats, Shoots and Leaves and similar books in the bathrooms, along wth Elements of Style by Strunk and White (it lived in the bathrooms when I was a teen, lol. Periodically the copies got replaced as they fell apart from being read too often. ) [/QUOTE]
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