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The $64K question
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 580377" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>In some ways of course this is passive aggressive behavior. The adhd traits, ODD traits and sensory issues are contributing, I am sure. </p><p></p><p>Wiz used to pull this koi. When we had to be somewhere, like school, I would tell him that we were leaving at 7:00 or whatever time. Often I used odd tmes, like 7:13 or 9:32 or whatever. Why? It wasn't USUAL. If you are leaving at five, then you often will not check the clock as often because you are sure you will be able to tell what that is, how much time has passed and how close to that time you are with-o looking at the clock. If it is a nonstandard time, the clock must be checked more often because you won't subconsciously think that you just know what time it is. One of the tricks to using this is to change the time fairly regularly.</p><p></p><p>I often told Wiz that at X time we were leaving and I didn't care if he was dressed or not, he WAS leaving. At that point I could still drag him to the car and put him in it, and he knew it.</p><p></p><p>Have you used timers/alarms? We found they worked on Wiz esp because he HATED the way the alarm sounded. If he got the task finished, he could turn off the timer with-o hearing it. At times I made it a speed race, using a stop watch. Instead of comparing him to J and T, I kept a record of his times and challenged him to beat his time. No rewards were used except trying to beat himself. </p><p></p><p>The Occupational Therapist (OT) suggested that instead of timing "wash the dishes" as a whole, timing each separate task, like brushing teeth, doing hair, makeup, showering, etc...(I once gave Wiz a week's worth of the guy things and made him add up the amt he spent on each part for the week, etc.... and then compare it to my log for those things. He did NOT like that I was faster, and it motivated him to move faster.</p><p></p><p>How does Duckiie feel about being late to something that you take her to? What if you worked as slowly as you could and made her late? Sure activities are important, but what if she missed half or more because you took a long time to get ready? While it often seems rather juvenile, it can be helpful to adopt their mannerisms to let them experience how inconsiderate/mean this is. yes, MEAN. Her dawdling means you are incredibly stressed, people must wait on her to start, etc... Don't do the slow motion stuff just once, after she has realzed how frustrating it is and she apologizes and begs you to stop, do it on a random basis and don't let on that you are 'doing' anything. </p><p></p><p>Is there a relative, classmate or someone in her life that she cannot stand who is late to things? My kids have changed behaviors when they realized that it was something they hated when gfgbro would do them. </p><p></p><p>What sensory things does she loathe? Certain types of music or artists, scents etc...? Tell her that if she isn't ready, hasn't started, is going in 'so slow you might as well be in reverse" as she does something, then you will play music/sounds she cannot stand, light a candle she hates, burn something, turn off the hot water, put ice cubes in her shoes (sealed in a ziplock), etc... She can avoid these things by gong at a normal pace. When she starts to slow down, rev it up.</p><p></p><p>I would start with either one of those air horns or a security alarm keychain that emits a very high pitch when you push a button. She slows down, you blast the alarm, it jolts her adrenaline and she doesn't like it the sounds, so she will work to make it stop. </p><p></p><p>My child might also find his/her wardrobe significantly smaller as I removed choices and items that needed buttoning or some amount of time to put on. Sweatshirts, tshirts, sweat pants knit pants and NOT ones she loves. Her other clothing would be in a locked closet at home, and if she was working at reg speed for a few days I would maybe return one outfit or fave items at a time. I would remove them if she reverted. Why reduce her wardrobe? Seems to me that having too many choices will only slow you down, Know what I mean?? All those buttons, zippers, snaps, etc... clearly are too difficult because it takes her sooooo long to get ready. What a sweet, nice mommy to go through all that trouble to make sure baby girl can get dressed in a timely manner so that she doesn't miss out on her education!! (and yes, I probably WOULD tell J that I was trying to be nice because clearly she is overwhelmed, Know what I mean??)</p><p></p><p>You may find resources for this by reading the ads in various ADHD magazines. they usually have various watches, timers, etc... and ways to use them to help with problems than you might think. </p><p></p><p>I hope something I suggested is helpful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 580377, member: 1233"] In some ways of course this is passive aggressive behavior. The adhd traits, ODD traits and sensory issues are contributing, I am sure. Wiz used to pull this koi. When we had to be somewhere, like school, I would tell him that we were leaving at 7:00 or whatever time. Often I used odd tmes, like 7:13 or 9:32 or whatever. Why? It wasn't USUAL. If you are leaving at five, then you often will not check the clock as often because you are sure you will be able to tell what that is, how much time has passed and how close to that time you are with-o looking at the clock. If it is a nonstandard time, the clock must be checked more often because you won't subconsciously think that you just know what time it is. One of the tricks to using this is to change the time fairly regularly. I often told Wiz that at X time we were leaving and I didn't care if he was dressed or not, he WAS leaving. At that point I could still drag him to the car and put him in it, and he knew it. Have you used timers/alarms? We found they worked on Wiz esp because he HATED the way the alarm sounded. If he got the task finished, he could turn off the timer with-o hearing it. At times I made it a speed race, using a stop watch. Instead of comparing him to J and T, I kept a record of his times and challenged him to beat his time. No rewards were used except trying to beat himself. The Occupational Therapist (OT) suggested that instead of timing "wash the dishes" as a whole, timing each separate task, like brushing teeth, doing hair, makeup, showering, etc...(I once gave Wiz a week's worth of the guy things and made him add up the amt he spent on each part for the week, etc.... and then compare it to my log for those things. He did NOT like that I was faster, and it motivated him to move faster. How does Duckiie feel about being late to something that you take her to? What if you worked as slowly as you could and made her late? Sure activities are important, but what if she missed half or more because you took a long time to get ready? While it often seems rather juvenile, it can be helpful to adopt their mannerisms to let them experience how inconsiderate/mean this is. yes, MEAN. Her dawdling means you are incredibly stressed, people must wait on her to start, etc... Don't do the slow motion stuff just once, after she has realzed how frustrating it is and she apologizes and begs you to stop, do it on a random basis and don't let on that you are 'doing' anything. Is there a relative, classmate or someone in her life that she cannot stand who is late to things? My kids have changed behaviors when they realized that it was something they hated when gfgbro would do them. What sensory things does she loathe? Certain types of music or artists, scents etc...? Tell her that if she isn't ready, hasn't started, is going in 'so slow you might as well be in reverse" as she does something, then you will play music/sounds she cannot stand, light a candle she hates, burn something, turn off the hot water, put ice cubes in her shoes (sealed in a ziplock), etc... She can avoid these things by gong at a normal pace. When she starts to slow down, rev it up. I would start with either one of those air horns or a security alarm keychain that emits a very high pitch when you push a button. She slows down, you blast the alarm, it jolts her adrenaline and she doesn't like it the sounds, so she will work to make it stop. My child might also find his/her wardrobe significantly smaller as I removed choices and items that needed buttoning or some amount of time to put on. Sweatshirts, tshirts, sweat pants knit pants and NOT ones she loves. Her other clothing would be in a locked closet at home, and if she was working at reg speed for a few days I would maybe return one outfit or fave items at a time. I would remove them if she reverted. Why reduce her wardrobe? Seems to me that having too many choices will only slow you down, Know what I mean?? All those buttons, zippers, snaps, etc... clearly are too difficult because it takes her sooooo long to get ready. What a sweet, nice mommy to go through all that trouble to make sure baby girl can get dressed in a timely manner so that she doesn't miss out on her education!! (and yes, I probably WOULD tell J that I was trying to be nice because clearly she is overwhelmed, Know what I mean??) You may find resources for this by reading the ads in various ADHD magazines. they usually have various watches, timers, etc... and ways to use them to help with problems than you might think. I hope something I suggested is helpful. [/QUOTE]
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