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The "d" in "husband" does not stand for dear-VENT
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 490064" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>((((((((((hugs))))))))))</p><p></p><p>This sounds like something my husband would do. He honestly means to agree with me, but no matter what verbal agreement we come to, does his own thing when the situation happens. Not just with our difficult child, with budgets, bills, the cat, grocery shopping, etc...</p><p></p><p>Now I put it in writing. I urge you to do the same.</p><p></p><p>It probably will not go with the decor of your home, and in my opinion it SHOULD NOT, it should be something that sticks out like a sore thumb. What is "it"? </p><p></p><p>SIt down with husband, a marker or set of markers, and some posterboard. Have the rules you previously agreed on - no driving until 30 days of clean drug tests, curfew is midnight, no exceptions, if you are not home by curfew you sleep outside, whatever they are.</p><p></p><p>Make posters with the rules written on them. You make one, husband makes one (if you can get him to - the more active he is with making the rules the more he will remember them - so get him involved in the writing to help etch the rules on his brain). Then they get hung on the wall in the areas where they will be seen easily and often. Be sure to include the consequences for not following the rules. Be specific.</p><p></p><p>Then husband has no excuse for "forgetting". </p><p></p><p>If possible, drag husband to a therapist to help work through this. in my opinion it is very important to have that support through this time of chaos and crisis and pain. Even if he fights going like tooth and nail and almost never says a word, he will likely get help from the therapist - even if he never admits it. How can I say that? My mom dragged my dad to a therapist way back in the late 70;s-early 80's. Dad LOATHED it and thought it stupid. But it was that or divorce so he went.</p><p></p><p>About 3 yrs ago my father admitted that while he HATED going to the therapist and thought it was stupid, he did learn a lot and he used what he learned way back then! It was HUGE for him to admit it, and it makes me think that anyone can be helped, even if they don't admit it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 490064, member: 1233"] ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) This sounds like something my husband would do. He honestly means to agree with me, but no matter what verbal agreement we come to, does his own thing when the situation happens. Not just with our difficult child, with budgets, bills, the cat, grocery shopping, etc... Now I put it in writing. I urge you to do the same. It probably will not go with the decor of your home, and in my opinion it SHOULD NOT, it should be something that sticks out like a sore thumb. What is "it"? SIt down with husband, a marker or set of markers, and some posterboard. Have the rules you previously agreed on - no driving until 30 days of clean drug tests, curfew is midnight, no exceptions, if you are not home by curfew you sleep outside, whatever they are. Make posters with the rules written on them. You make one, husband makes one (if you can get him to - the more active he is with making the rules the more he will remember them - so get him involved in the writing to help etch the rules on his brain). Then they get hung on the wall in the areas where they will be seen easily and often. Be sure to include the consequences for not following the rules. Be specific. Then husband has no excuse for "forgetting". If possible, drag husband to a therapist to help work through this. in my opinion it is very important to have that support through this time of chaos and crisis and pain. Even if he fights going like tooth and nail and almost never says a word, he will likely get help from the therapist - even if he never admits it. How can I say that? My mom dragged my dad to a therapist way back in the late 70;s-early 80's. Dad LOATHED it and thought it stupid. But it was that or divorce so he went. About 3 yrs ago my father admitted that while he HATED going to the therapist and thought it was stupid, he did learn a lot and he used what he learned way back then! It was HUGE for him to admit it, and it makes me think that anyone can be helped, even if they don't admit it. [/QUOTE]
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The "d" in "husband" does not stand for dear-VENT
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