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Parent Emeritus
The "d" in "husband" does not stand for dear-VENT
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 490214" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>SIg, </p><p></p><p>I hear your frustration and I'm really sorry. What I hear more than the frustration is that your time is valuable, your efforts took time, and the slate was wiped clean for your son - and on his own without consulting you - DF decided to make his own plan and throw out the plans that the two of you had made. What was the use in taking all that time? My time is very valuable, and I don't like when someone wastes it - I wonder if he likes it when someone wastes his time. The second point I see here if I hear you right is you feel this was the last chance for your son to get things right. Kind of a desperate situation/ thinking going on so that too is stressful because you had a plan for what will happen "IF". Apparently your husband did not? Did he forget? Did he change the plan and forget to tell you? I don't know after putting all my time into the plan that I could accept I don't know as an answer. I'd need to know what his thoughts and plan was - what his thought was IF your son did NOT show back up or something DID happen. DId he create a plan B and forgot to tell you? I mean brilliant really if he did - but shame on him for not telling you. You're partners - you should share information - not hoarde it. </p><p></p><p>The things in marriages that mean things to women dont' mean the same things to men. Values are different - so this is often why hurt feelings happen - and in this case - I could be way off - but as a woman? You waste my time after I spend it planning and laying out ideas and I'm not going to be civil. Maybe breaking those plans doesn't mean as much to your husband and he needs to know exactly what this means to you. </p><p>NOt just that he did something on his own - and now you're mad. That comes off like he's not a big boy and you're his Mom scolding him. </p><p></p><p>Actually I know this - because usually I am the one that does things on my own after WE plan things. Sigh - I don't mean to - I just often see things differently or have a mid-stream better idea - and without thinking approve a plan without acknowledging DF.'s feelings in the matter. I'm lots better at this after 12 plus years - but I really stunk at it at first -</p><p></p><p>Hope things work out and you can sit down and discuss what this means to each of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 490214, member: 4964"] SIg, I hear your frustration and I'm really sorry. What I hear more than the frustration is that your time is valuable, your efforts took time, and the slate was wiped clean for your son - and on his own without consulting you - DF decided to make his own plan and throw out the plans that the two of you had made. What was the use in taking all that time? My time is very valuable, and I don't like when someone wastes it - I wonder if he likes it when someone wastes his time. The second point I see here if I hear you right is you feel this was the last chance for your son to get things right. Kind of a desperate situation/ thinking going on so that too is stressful because you had a plan for what will happen "IF". Apparently your husband did not? Did he forget? Did he change the plan and forget to tell you? I don't know after putting all my time into the plan that I could accept I don't know as an answer. I'd need to know what his thoughts and plan was - what his thought was IF your son did NOT show back up or something DID happen. DId he create a plan B and forgot to tell you? I mean brilliant really if he did - but shame on him for not telling you. You're partners - you should share information - not hoarde it. The things in marriages that mean things to women dont' mean the same things to men. Values are different - so this is often why hurt feelings happen - and in this case - I could be way off - but as a woman? You waste my time after I spend it planning and laying out ideas and I'm not going to be civil. Maybe breaking those plans doesn't mean as much to your husband and he needs to know exactly what this means to you. NOt just that he did something on his own - and now you're mad. That comes off like he's not a big boy and you're his Mom scolding him. Actually I know this - because usually I am the one that does things on my own after WE plan things. Sigh - I don't mean to - I just often see things differently or have a mid-stream better idea - and without thinking approve a plan without acknowledging DF.'s feelings in the matter. I'm lots better at this after 12 plus years - but I really stunk at it at first - Hope things work out and you can sit down and discuss what this means to each of you. [/QUOTE]
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The "d" in "husband" does not stand for dear-VENT
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