The little things

[ML]

Jena's post got me to thinking about how it's the little things that set off some of our gsgf. For instance, this summer we introduced tennis and it's been mostly good. He takes lessons weekly and husband and his friends take manster to practice a day or so a week and so many little things set him off. If someone wins he thinks they are gloating and making fun of him, especially if it's 2 against 1 (upon his insistance that he take them both on). If someone hits a shot too close, too hard, too far away, it puts in into a mood.

It's not just tennis. It's every day stuff. If we raise our voice in the slightest, we are yelling at him. He perceives everything as bigger than what it is and personal. Then he gets in defense mode, persnickety and major mood and gets either mouthy or throws something. This is the point at which if taken on in the wrong way can set into action WW3. I'm good at diffusing it, husband not so much.

I don't want to walk around on eggshells and I know the others in his life aren't going to, nor should they have to. I try to tell manster to let it go. Yesterday he said "but I have so many things to let go, everyone hates me". Oy. I told him I know, it's hard, but keep up th good work. What else can I say?

Has anyone found a way to manage the low frustration, oversensitive, now adding in hormones overdrive? Any practical advice or just a few "me too's"?

 

[sjexpress]

I know what you mean how little things cause big problems. Last nite difficult child asked if he could have a smoothie from this local place. We have only been there twice and he got the same flavor both times. This time difficult child asked for a new flavor. So I bring the smoothie home and after a few sips, difficult child says he does not like it and asks if I can go back and get a different smoothie for him. I said no because the place was closing shortly and just don't drink it if you do not like it. Well, this was a huge problem. Ggf's face gets his pouty look (which I know means trouble), and he starts his loud whine of please, please, please....then we move on to the anger portion because I still said no. Now he is screaming.. I want a different flavor, yelling that I said if he did not like the one I brought home that I would go back and get another (I never had said that). Now difficult child is screaming (right in my face but I am ignoring him by reading the paper).. get me one, get me one... I hate you, I hate you...you won't get me one because you hate me! Then difficult child starts throwing a pen around the room. After about 10-15 min., difficult child sits back down on the couch, starts sipping the smoothie, and when it was allfinished tells me he just imagined it tasted better. The fit was over and he was back to himmself again. So weird!! I hate these rages! it is exhausting for everyone!

 

[hearts and roses]

Another 'me too'. ForEVER, difficult child was convinced others were talking about her, against her, making fun of her, gloating at her loss or misfortune, etc. It was always the same old song and dance from me...explain that she needs to try and change her perspective, try to help her understand that she may be over reacting or reading more into the other person's facial expression, etc. And yes, sometimes I did say, "I know honey, it's tough being you" and give her a hug or do something nice for her or...mostly try to re-direct her focus to get her mind off of whatever it was that set her off. It works...everything works, in my opinion, at least once. Hahaha.

Poor Manster, the whole world is against him. Not making fun, just totally empathizing with you!

 

[shellyd67]

My goodness can I relate ! The eggshell scenario comes quite often around here and I hate that it even exists ! Usually after one of difficult child's rages he is cool and calm and even apologizes for his poor behavior. The Explosive Child by Ross Greene has been my saving grace. I try and stay calm and ignore him while he is raging and if necessary I will speak to him in a low calm voice. Sometimes I want to freak the heck out on him but know it will only cause more drama and raging. It gets easier after awhile. My difficult child is off medications for the summer and he is so impulsive and hyper. We are starting medications again next week. It definetly takes away any of my uncertainties about medicating him. My difficult child thinks everyone hates him during a rage or meltdown too. It is sad. He told me he knows he is going to get bullied in middle school. I asked him why he would say that and he said he was just kidding. I am giving him and easy child liitle stories of bullying and how important it is to always confide in your parents because we are ALWAYS in their corner. I hope things get better for you.

 

[TerryJ2]

My difficult child did that for awhile, and now either he stuffs it or it isn't as bad.
But when it was very bad, after I had tried every explanation and comforting phrase in the world, I just gave up and told him I'd had it, and I was going to charge him X amt of $ the next time he said something like that. (Everybody hates me, etc.) It worked!
Now that he's 13, I can ask him and occasionally get a real answer (he still shrugs his shoulders and says "I don't know" a lot) but when he's lucid and cooperative, he'll tell me he didn't really believe that, it was just that he was in a bad mood.
I have explained what "catastrophizing" means and occasionally have to re-explain it. I have to be careful to still validate his feelings. Sometimes when one person stares at you, it FEELS like the whole world is staring at you. So that's what we talk about.
Best of luck!

 

[Wiped Out]

I can definitely relate to this. In fact, sjexpress just describe a typical scene at our house (only difficult child would never have drank the smoothie). We try not to walk on eggshells but difficult child has so many triggers that I know we all do to a point. I hate it! Wish I had some good advice, ML, but it's something we struggle with here.

 

[ML]

Thanks for the perspective. I guess it's just one of those many things we try to accept/manage/try to mitigate. Yesterday was better. We all played tennis and M kicked our butts legitemately and that always puts him in a good mood lol.