The name calling and teasing continues. Now what?

[Californiablonde]

I posted earlier about two boys bullying difficult child 1 by throwing things at her, kicking her back pack, and telling her fat jokes. It got so bad that difficult child started refusing to go to school. When I told her case carrier what was going on, she blew it off and called it "typical high school behavior." She basically told me difficult child needed to learn how to deal with it better. I didn't think her case carrier was taking it seriously, so I called the principal and told him what was going on. He called both of the boys into the office and had a talk with them, as well as calling both parents. difficult child 1's math and science teacher also gave an anti-bullying speech to his whole class.

I thought the whole issue would be resolved but it hasn't. At our IEP on Tuesday the bullying was brought up again. Once again case carrier blew it off. She said that during PE class one of the boys told my daughter to run faster cause he doesn't want her to be fat. difficult child got super offended and complained. Her case carrier said that difficult child took it wrong. It was meant to be a compliment. I didn't quite buy into that story but I let it go. Then yesterday difficult child comes home and tells me that this same boy was harassing her yesterday. She told me she had the worst day of her life because of this boy. I asked her what happened. She told me that he kept calling her fat and the pillsbury dough girl. She kept asking him to stop but he wouldn't. She is super sensitive about her weight and the teasing really bothers her. I have no idea what else to do? I already called the principal and he got involved. I talked to the case carrier and she was no help. difficult child has been missing a lot of school lately because she is refusing to go due to these boys. What is my next step? Tell my daughter to develope thicker skin and just suck it up and deal with it? I really have no idea where else to turn.

 

[DaisyFace]

Can difficult child be switched to classes away from this bully? or can the bully (since he is the offender) be moved?

 

[Californiablonde]

Neither one of them can be moved. They are in a special program for the emotionally disturbed. This is exactly why I want difficult child to be more mainstreamed. Right now she is in all self contained classrooms with seven other boys. She doesn't have much interaction with girls. We are being fought by the IEP team from mainstreaming her. I am going to go to the district if things don't change soon.

 

[slsh]

Request a copy of the district's bullying policy - I'm pretty sure they all have one now. You may even be able to find it online on your district's web site. Then follow it to the letter - make complaint in writing, send certified. This is inexcusable. Personally, since you've already addressed this verbally with- people in SD, I'd reference those conversations (include approximate dates, times, people you talked to) in your written complaint, and I'd cc: state board of education.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Plus, all of this is in your parent journal, right?
Bring it all up with that psychiatrist/therapist appointment you have coming up, because... I'm pretty sure the current placement (i.e. the class she is in) is the source of the behaviour issues... and the placement needs to change.

Somehow, end up with a formal report that says that her current placement is not LRE and that it is harmful to her health and her education...

JMO, but... if the whole class is Special Education, then what teacher can ever claim that the behavior of these kids is typical teen? Of course it isn't... or the kids would be in a different class.

Now, it wouldn't be so bad if there were 3 girls in the class, of different shapes and sizes, and the boys were giving ALL of them a hard time. At that point, there's more ammo to go after the boys, AND more ammo to teach difficult child how to handle this stuff. But... only in fantasy land does it work to have multiple males and only one female (e.g. remember the Smurfs?)

 

[Californiablonde]

Well I have decided to email her math teacher, the only one who seems to give a damn about all this, and I am going to cc her case carrier. Not that the case carrier will be of any help, but I want it documented that I have repeatedly told her about the issue and she refuses to do anything about it. I don't know what else to do at this point. I just found out this boy has been kicked out of several high schools already. Maybe it's only a matter of time before he gets kicked out of this one. One can only hope.

 

[TerryJ2]

Great ideas.

Wish I could help ... but at the moment, I'll just send hugs.

 

[SuZir]

difficult child has been missing a lot of school lately because she is refusing to go due to these boys. What is my next step? Tell my daughter to develope thicker skin and just suck it up and deal with it? I really have no idea where else to turn.

I'm sorry that I don't know your school system and I have no concrete advise for you but just this: Fight tooth and nail for your daughter. Whatever it takes, fight for her. Don't tell her to develop thicker skin, don't minimize it, don't let her take a blame of truancy if she is afraid to go to school. It may be that you can not win, to be honest some people seem to get bullied where ever they are, but as her mom, don't give up. I don't know about your laws, but I do hope there is something that requires them to offer safe educational environment for students. If she is regularly bullied, she is not having it.

I did let it go. I did tell my kid to develop thicker skin. I blamed him for truancy. I'm not happy with myself now.

 

[Californiablonde]

Well her case carrier just emailed me back and said, and I quote, "I wish she would tell us right away when things like this happen, so we can address it right away, but in any case, we will address it." My daughter has already told her in the past about this and she chose to do nothing! Plus she blew me off when I addressed it in the IEP. Of course my daughter is not going to bother to tell anyone when they blow her off about it! Why would she? It burns me up that she has the nerve to suggest that if my daughter had said something about it, she would have done something. We all know that just isn't true. Hopefully her other teacher will take it more seriously.

 

[InsaneCdn]

did you want to edit your last post and take out her name?

 

[DammitJanet]

One thing I want to warn you about is allowing her to get away with truancy. You know that if she is missing more school than is allowed even if you give her excused absences, then they can come after you and haul your tail into court and charge you. That happened to me and my kid had a physical medical condition that effected his stomach and he had to take medications for pain in his stomach. When his stomach became so bad, he had to take these medications and if he had gone to school on them he would have been in the nurses office sleeping on a cot. His dr advised us to just have him take them at home and stay in bed because he would be cramping so badly that he often would be bedridden for a day or two at a time.

He did not have an issue keeping up with schoolwork either. The school guidance counselor got involved and told me that even with excused absences I would have to take him to the doctor each and every time he was absent. I told her this was absurd. The doctor didnt need to see him since this was an ongoing chronic issue that was seen about every two months by a gastro doctor and these were his orders. Plus, I worked and this kid was on blue cross and it would be a $30 copay for each visit. I didnt have the money to do that.