A proverbial playground, huh? Wee difficult child continues to spiral downward. We have an appointment with all docs this week, tho I am not sure what, if anything, we can do about it. Thus far, the violence hasn't returned any more than words. Its like he gets violent and strange thoughts, but thus far does no more than to relay them to us. Impulse control for anything less than horrific is GONE. Example, easy child 2 was tickling him and wouldn't stop. difficult child 2 told us he hated easy child 2, he wanted to murder her, chop her up, and pee on her dead body. I told him Thursday we didn't have school while he ate a bowl of ice cream. He held his hands high and yelled 'YEAH! I'm so happy I could throw this (his bowl) thru the fish tank glass!' He played with a friend today. Friend was lying down, difficult child jumped knees-first into friends stomach. He ran thru a crowd shoving between a little boy and his father " little boy was 2 and hit the ground hard, generally difficult child has a strange consideration for little ones and babies. We passed a young man playing a video game version of Deal or No Deal. Wee difficult child, in passing, leaned over and pressed buttons to open cases on this complete stranger's game. Absolutely stuck on obsessions, whatever they may be at the moment; they reverberate until they either come to pass or are replaced with a new obsession. Noises from his mouth are non-stop. I watched Extreme Home Makeover (or whatever its called) tonight and they built a home for a family who's oldest son was born without eyes and without the ability to straighten his limbs, yet the boy, and that family, were so positive. They truly were an inspiring family. But then, I find myself angry with myself for hating my own situation, for getting down, at times. My situation is nothing like theirs, they have *real* problems, I just have a healthy child with behavior problems, so what am I complaining about. Then the other side of me says 'cause those behavior problems can be every bit as debilitating as any other disability'. And then I feel guilty for feeling that is our truth. Am I making ANY sense at all? I just go back and forth, I guess part of me still doubts how real our own situation is. If my child had a physical difference, at least he wouldn't get the judgemental stares that come from randomly poling other peoples' games or knocking down young children…And then I feel more guilt for thinking that. I'm trying to hang in and weather this storm. I know this will pass and the better days will come again. I just pray this isn't all for naught. If this makes any sense.