The time has come

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by zigweegwee, Mar 13, 2007.

  1. zigweegwee

    zigweegwee New Member

    I haven't posted in a couple of years because everything we were all doing seemed so useless. Now, we may be at the end of the line. difficult child turned 18 last week and has known for the past 2 years that he had to move out when he either turned 18 or graduated high school later that same year.

    Well...he hasn't gone to school since mid-December. Naturally, all the school has done is try to get me to sign him out, which I refused to do. They threatened to take me to Court for his truancy if I didn't, but I haven't bowed to them in years. Now that he's 18, they sent him a withdrawal form to sign along with a request that he return all his school books. So helpful. So, now, he's avoiding school, avoiding me, avoiding everything. Said he was going, didn't go. Stays in bed when I'm home, eats junk and watches tv when I'm not. I've drafted a letter outlining the above and giving him until the end of the week to either return to school or pack up his things. I don't know if it's the right thing to do or if I should start legal eviction proceedings, so that the sheriff will drag him out bodily. I don't do anything for him - no cooking, no laundry, no chauffering (except to or from his part-time work) to make him want to stay. He seems to think that if he pays me rent, I will let everything else go just because I love him, which of course I do. Not gonna happen, though. But I still need direction.
     
  2. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    That's tough. I'd be interested to hear an update on what happens.

    Stay strong!

    Love, Esther
     
  3. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Wow thats tough, I made the same deal with my difficult child, Stay in school and finish your education or your on your own. My difficult child turned 18 in Dec. A lil over a week ago I went to pick her up from school and discovered that she was not there at all. I held strong and told her to find a place to live. She as far as I know is still on the streets. This tough love thing is hard but I am not going to give in until my difficult child proves to me that she is going to hold up her end of the deal period. I am sure others will be along soon to give you their input on your delemma but If it were me, I would give him a choice. Get back into school and make true effort giving your difficult child a set time limit that your expectations must be met by and if he chooses not to follow through with what your expectations are let him know to find another place to live period and stick to it. Make sure that you make all of your expectations clear to him to include him having to move out if he chooses not to follow through. Its hard because we always want to be sure that our kiddos are safe and have food in their tummys but when we as parents are being taken advantage of and being blown off by our difficult children, Not!!! Just my opinion but your difficult child will continue doing what he is doing so long as he is getting away with it. My difficult child saga continues and yes I do worry but I am a firm beleiver in tough love and refuse to enable anybody that is making bad choices especially at my expense.
     
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    I know in the Parent Emeritus forum there are many who have been in your shoes. I'm sorry its a tough place to be.
     
  5. zigweegwee

    zigweegwee New Member

    Thanks, emilyislost. I copied this post to the Parent Emeritus forum. esther, I will try to remember to update you when this thing resolves, one way or the other. I hope you are well. I remember you from when I used to post years ago.
     
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think it is pretty common for parents to require their children (difficult child or easy child) to either go to school or have a full-time job and pay rent.
    I guess since he is a difficult child you really have had enough - totally understand. Time for him to go. It will be tough, but if it is what you need to do, than you should do it.
     
  7. zigweegwee

    zigweegwee New Member

    Busy, it's not even that I've had enough - which is pretty much true. It's that he WON'T get a full-time job, he WON'T help out around the house, he WON'T do ANYTHING but work two days a week and expect the world in return. I worry about him on his own, but I don't think I'm doing him any favors by allowing him to stay.
     
  8. kassy

    kassy New Member

    sometimes i think my husband is so mean but it would be times like these that i am glad i have him because he would be the one to get him out and have no problem whatsoever as moms i think it is soo hard for us...hang in there mom! ((((HUGS))) :flower:
     
  9. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Zigwee,I went through the same thing with my difficult child. Its no fun! I classified her as a pro teen blob, Lol!! She had all of these expectations but never wanted to do anything to earn it.... But I did not give in anyways, I did the same as you, No laundry for her, No special treatment. Just made clear to her what my expectations were and if she did not make effort then she would have to find another place to blob. Its so sad that our kiddos just simply think that its ok to just take and never participate in giving back let alone be the responsible human that we have raised them to be. It seems that this era of teens and young adults (18) have an attitude that they are entitled regardless of their bad choices or by simply just being lazy. Its scary having to let go, Its the unknown that is the scariest of all. Always worried if they are safe and ok. But you are right when you say that you are not doing him any favors by allowing him to stay and continue doing what he is doing (Nothing at all).As far as my difficult child, I decided to let go so that she can be the woman and adult that she thinks she is at 18 although I know that she sure has allot of growing up and maturing to do. Its hard but there comes a time when we have no choice but to put our foot down with the hopes that they will finally see the reality of life and how hard it is out there. Hopefully One day my difficult child and yours will know this reality and become responsible adults. Stay tough Zig.
     
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