They truly can become human before becoming adults

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by meowbunny, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I really hope I don't jinx things but I have to let you all know how good things are going here. I think for my daughter having to sleep behind a bank and ending up in a roach-infested, gang-ridden area was her bottom. I know most of you told me to let her go, not chase after her and that she was old enough to make her own decisions. I knew that for me this was not the right answer.

    We've had some minor arguments, but they are just that -- minor. At one point, I did tell her to go away for the day and come back that evening or pack her things and go her own way (only way I knew that she would leave for a few hours). Three hours later, she came back and I explained that we were going to end up saying or doing something we would both regret because we were both in truly bad moods. I couldn't leave because I was waiting for someone, so she had to leave. Once she understood that I wasn't kicking her to the curb so to speak, she was happy to leave the next time I suggested she go away for awhile.

    Since she has been home, she has been helpful and relatively respectful. Her sense of entitlement is still sky high. Her dreams are still unrealistic. If I let her, she would happily live in a pigsty. Picking up trash behind her was and is a way of life here but even that has improved in that if I mention she left garbage somewhere, she'll jump up to get it. I still have to ask her two or three times to do something but I also know it will ultimately get done even if not quite as soon as I would like it. She's still incredibly immature. I'd put her at about 15 emotionally today, but she is growing.

    Given the minuses above (and the only one that really concerns me is the entitlement issue), she is truly a changed person. Fourteen months in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) didn't change her that much. That gave her the tools to put to use today but until she hit her bottom, she wasn't going to use those tools. She does now.

    I truly like the person she is becoming (at least most of the time). She's kinder, less quick to judge me, more willing to help. I don't believe this will go on forever, but I'm hoping it will go on long enough to have responsibility of some sort become an automatic part of her life.

    I know this sounds awful, but may all of our children hit their personal bottom. If we're lucky, they'll climb up and out a better person.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    A good update. :biggrin:

    I think the biggest improvement is the effort she seems to be putting forth. Ok so maybe it's not perfect, but it does seem that she's trying.

    Keeping fingers crossed she continues to move forward and do better.

  3. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I agree. How do you know they are really trying? From my point of view my son says he is really trying but how do I really know? I believe he just wants to come home but he doesnt want to go to a facility. Who knows.
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I think it is knowing your child and listening to your gut. I made it abundantly clear that if she came home exactly what was expected of her and what would happen were those expectations not met. What's amazing with my daughter is she has gone well above the expectations. It was one of those things that the first two weeks it was doing exactly what was asked but no more. The next two weeks it was a struggle to get her to even do the basics, but a few talks when things were going well seemed to have gotten through to her. Now, she does what is asked of her and even more at times.

    So, if you think your son will at least try to meet those expectations, it may be worth giving him a chance. If your gut says he's just saying what is needed to come back home, don't let him.