Things are getting better here!! a bit long!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by welcometowitsend, May 31, 2012.

  1. Hello everyone,

    Just wanted to come and give an update on how things are going with us.

    difficult child moved back home Monday, May 21. He had a horrible weekend - girlfriend's dad was kicking him out, friends he thought he could rely on vanished, he pretty much had nowhere to go. I got wind of it through my mom who was keeping an eye on his Facebook account. He seemed very depressed, suicidal almost and that scared me.

    So, I called him and offered to have him come back home provided he could show husband and I respect and that he would take responsibility for himself. He agreed. We picked him up that Monday night (the 21st).

    He came home and seemed light as a feather. He said he felt like such a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders and that he was glad all he had to worry about was school stuff and not having to find a place to live, food to eat, etc.. We had a very good talk - mostly about generic day to day stuff, which was really nice. Hadn't been able to do that with him in a long time.

    Then his girlfriend broke up with him on the Wednesday the 23rd. He was pretty devastated but they had been fighting a lot. Ironically it was because he had been trying to control her - didn't want her to get a tattoo, or lip piercing and hates it when she drinks (good news for me! maybe his head is on straighter than I thought). I very gently pointed out to him what the therapist pointed out to me - you can't control her, only yourself and if you can't live with the way she is behaving then you have to decide what you are going to do about it. Anyway, they broke up for all of about 7 hours then got back together.

    I was kind of relieved because she texted me and said he'd been talking about cutting again and he was due to leave for Arts Camp on the Saturday. I was worried what he would do there, should I advise them that he might be cutting or suicidal, should I keep him home or would that make him worse because he might feel that he was being punished? A bit of a dilemma - but they got back together so I didn't have to solve it. At least for now, anyway.

    I knew they were having sex and difficult child was surprised I knew - ha! he must think I'm stupid. Anyway, he said she is on the bc pill and he is also wearing condoms - good!

    I was going to hold off on letting him get his learners permit for driving but husband and I felt like he needed some positive movement in his life so I took him to get the permit on Thursday - he failed the written test and was pretty ticked off. So, we went back again on Friday and he passed!!! yeah!! He was very happy and I let him drive some backroads to the school.

    Then he had his drama exam performance on Friday night and his group did a fantastic job! I was very impressed. They did A Midsummer Night's Dream with only 3 people - each of them played 3 or 4 characters and were changing hats, voices, jackets etc.. It was very funny. So another positive.

    So on Saturday he left for Arts Camp on a great note and has texted a few times to say he's having the best time of his life. He is very happy.

    So all of this is fantastic and we are thrilled to have our old son back. He's no longer the angry, sullen, disrespectful, bullying kid he was. He's back to thinking husband and I are great parents and people that he wants to be around. He is happy. The thing that scares me is this was an overnight change. I think he is worried about himself too. We had a talk about depression last week (runs in our family) and the possibility that he may have Asperger's (the Asperger's wasn't news to him). He brought it up. He has a friend that has Asperger's and she is bipolar. I asked him if he saw himself in her. He said he didn't know and didn't want to self-diagnose but definitely feels like he needs to see a psychiatrist to get some testing done.

    He seems so lucid and self-aware. It's almost scary because the change is so drastic. I feel like I'm still living in a dream except it's not a nightmare anymore. So, I've made an appointment with him to see our family doctor and get a referral. I sure hope it doesn't take long to get him in - I want to take advantage of this window of opportunity before he changes his mind.
     
  2. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Wow that's great sounds like he did a complete turn around. He sounds so self aware which is a good thing. I'm glad he's reaching out and accepting the help you are providing for him. It's so great when they stop being in denial. Good luck to you and congrats.
     
  3. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Yeah, I'd be worried about the suddenness of the change as well. Hopefully it lasts long enough to get some good done (psychiatrist, therapist, ect...) He does sound like he has his head on straighter than he wanted you to think though. (All that about the tattoo, piercings, and drinking) Funny how some kids want to be seen better than they are and others want to thought of worse than they are.
     
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Wow, that was quick turnaround indeed. Really wonderful that heis behaving so much better now and showing so much awareness.

    But it is good that you are looking for psychiatrist. That quick of the change (and I think you said also the turn for worse in the beginning was quick) is worrying. It is not uncommon (at least there I live) for teens to run away from home to a friend's house. It usually typical teen stuff, maybe some dysfunction in the family or just very difficult puberty, usually nothing big. Some are let to stay in friend's family for some time, some go to grandparents or godparents, some to teen group homes. And those kids also go running back crying for mommy week or month later. My kiddoes went to small school and still every year some student seemed to do this (and kids gossiped so did adults, so also we usually knew both parent's and kid's version.) But in those cases problems with the kid and arguments at home had usually started way before the kid run and when kid came home, they were still sulking and feeling wrongly treated. No big quick changes in attitude, just kid having a hard puberty and being rebellious and getting things back in order after hormones ease up gradually.

    So I wouldn't be that worried about teen running away to girlfriend's house for some time and being complete brat in itself, but quick changes may mean that there is more going on than just a teen being total PITA.

    But still, very happy to hear your son is doing so much better!
     
  5. Thank you! It is a huge relief to have him back and have him behaving normally and rationally again. We are definitely going to look into finding a psychiatrist so we can look at what is going on with him. It may be nothing and he was just going through a rebellious period but better to be safe than sorry.

    I don't think it is nothing - I think it may be some depression that has possibly lifted, not sure.

    Whatever it is/was I'm just happy to have him back and hope he stays this way!
     
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