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This cant be happening... I need your support
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 78416" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Oh Grace, I am so sorry. I hope it won't haunt them too much - it is such an awful decision to have to make and really, young people so often DON'T think about the consequences when they have sex. "It will never happen to me". </p><p></p><p>One of my sisters had a termination - she was married, already had three kids and was over 40 - I wouldn't have made that decision (I couldn't) but she is still comfortable with it - absolutely no regrets. She is not me.</p><p></p><p>Take your time, but remember - your son will be grieving too. Let him grieve with you, even though it was his lack of foresight and precaution that led to this - not only is he a typical young person in lack of foresight, he's also a difficult child. Try to not let your imagination take too much control over you. He needs your support right now and so does his girlfriend - giving that support does not mean you have to agree they did the right thing. It WAS her decision even if you or I would not agree with it. And even though she made the decision to have the termination, I suspect it was not an easy decision and she is going to also need time to make peace with herself over this.</p><p></p><p>We do not have to agree with our kids' life choices - both my daughters have been sleeping with their boyfriends, easy child has been in an official de facto relationship with hers for the last few years. easy child 2/difficult child 2's has moved into our house. husband & I have our own moral guidelines we tried to raise them by, but they are old enough to make their own decisions - legally, and frankly, they are beyond our influence socially. They make their own decisions. All we can do is hope we did the best we could have done and gave them enough moral backbone to make safe and wise decisions from here on. We can't do any more than that. </p><p></p><p>And to reject our girls now would be to remove them from our influence even further.</p><p></p><p>So while we do not agree with their decisions, we respect their right to make them and accept the outcomes. Can you see the distinction?</p><p></p><p>If you can stay on supportive, loving terms with both of them you stand the best chance of being an active grandparent to the children they WILL have, eventually. If not with this girl, then with another of his choice. </p><p></p><p>When you can get your own feelings, grief and pain back under control, do try to reach out to them both just in comfort. No lessons, no recriminations - because they will need some loving too.</p><p></p><p>I do agree that you can't give your blessing to something you disapprove of, but you can still give loving hugs to someone who is grieving, even under these circumstances. It doesn't mean you are happy - but it's done now.</p><p></p><p>Hugs from down under.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 78416, member: 1991"] Oh Grace, I am so sorry. I hope it won't haunt them too much - it is such an awful decision to have to make and really, young people so often DON'T think about the consequences when they have sex. "It will never happen to me". One of my sisters had a termination - she was married, already had three kids and was over 40 - I wouldn't have made that decision (I couldn't) but she is still comfortable with it - absolutely no regrets. She is not me. Take your time, but remember - your son will be grieving too. Let him grieve with you, even though it was his lack of foresight and precaution that led to this - not only is he a typical young person in lack of foresight, he's also a difficult child. Try to not let your imagination take too much control over you. He needs your support right now and so does his girlfriend - giving that support does not mean you have to agree they did the right thing. It WAS her decision even if you or I would not agree with it. And even though she made the decision to have the termination, I suspect it was not an easy decision and she is going to also need time to make peace with herself over this. We do not have to agree with our kids' life choices - both my daughters have been sleeping with their boyfriends, easy child has been in an official de facto relationship with hers for the last few years. easy child 2/difficult child 2's has moved into our house. husband & I have our own moral guidelines we tried to raise them by, but they are old enough to make their own decisions - legally, and frankly, they are beyond our influence socially. They make their own decisions. All we can do is hope we did the best we could have done and gave them enough moral backbone to make safe and wise decisions from here on. We can't do any more than that. And to reject our girls now would be to remove them from our influence even further. So while we do not agree with their decisions, we respect their right to make them and accept the outcomes. Can you see the distinction? If you can stay on supportive, loving terms with both of them you stand the best chance of being an active grandparent to the children they WILL have, eventually. If not with this girl, then with another of his choice. When you can get your own feelings, grief and pain back under control, do try to reach out to them both just in comfort. No lessons, no recriminations - because they will need some loving too. I do agree that you can't give your blessing to something you disapprove of, but you can still give loving hugs to someone who is grieving, even under these circumstances. It doesn't mean you are happy - but it's done now. Hugs from down under. Marg [/QUOTE]
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