This evening was worse

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Apr 14, 2009.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    than yesterday. husband said to me he thinks this is more like difficult child's March (March being his usually super bad month).

    When I got home difficult child started right in with his rudeness. He was with husband watching tv in our bedroom and when he heard me coming he locked me out of the room.

    Then a bit later husband and I were down getting dinner ready. difficult child had his head in the freezer and pulled out the ice cream. I told him to put it away until after dinner. He told me he had already eaten dinner. husband said fine but then not to ask for more food at dinner time for the rest of us. He said but he wanted to eat crescent rolls and husband said no. difficult child then tried to take the dough and eat it raw. He also was swearing and posturing an threatening. He then shoved me and a few minutes later threw a large hair clip at me but missed. Again, he is on stop the world. Of course, he is refusing to abide by the STW rules.

    Next came dinner. He really wanted a roll so came over and tried to grab the bowl out of my hands. This lead easy child to hitting him and screaming at him. Finally husband had had it. I've never seen him scream like this, ever. He had his hands over his ears and screamed for them to just stop. He looked like he was going to cry and then fell to the ground. I thought maybe he had passed out but he said the blood was just rushing through him and he fell. easy child just kept screaming at difficult child, calling him a monster.

    difficult child started crying a bit later when husband got up. He said easy child called him a monster and that was what he was a monster and a killer. I felt really bad for him even though he had been so rude. husband and I told him he wasn't a monster and that we love him but he just kept crying that he was a monster. He eventually came around from the crying and started acting more himself.

    Now I'm worried about husband (who was still dizzy up to an hour after all of this), frustrated with easy child but understanding how she feels, upset with difficult child and at the same time worried about his self-esteem.

    Thank goodness he is having a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. I honestly don't know what is going on, I haven't seen him like this in a very long time. He is so angry and won't talk about anything. (Thankfully he did alright at school today).

    I just wish I knew what was going on with him.
     
  2. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    Sharon--I'm not sure what to say except..sending you a cyber hug...I am glad you are seeing the doctor tomorrow. Maybe there is something going on at school?? Do you still have access to the respite program? Didn't you have a plan in place about difficult child going there if he became violent? He seems to just be so impulsive...and angry which leads to aggression...
    do you have any thing to help him chill out and fall asleep early?? I know my difficult child get crazy when they are exhausted...perhaps being up to late over spring break...

    Hang in there--
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    What a horrible evening all around! Be sure to have husband's blood pressure checked out.... he should probably get a complete work-up especially if there's a family history of stroke or heart disease. Make sure his carotid arteries are checked out. This is meant to scare you Sharon... I would just hate to see anything bad happen to your husband. Better safe than sorry.
     
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    What an awful night, Sharon.

    Make sure husband sees the doctor and hopefully the psychiatrist can help.

    (((hugs)))
     
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    When my difficult child was in his lowest valley, he would tell me that he felt evil. His body would tell him to be evil and do bad things.

    Your difficult child really is not in control and he doesn't like it any more than you do. You have to remind him that he has the power to push that monster away. Knowing that he feels or looks like a monster at those times really is a plus. Crying means he is open to change. He doesn't like how he is feeling so the next question is how much work is he willing to put in proving that he is not the monster that he sometimes portrays.

    I would tell my difficult child that I know he does not want to be evil and that it is hard to fight those impulses and that he needs to really work on being the person he wants to be. When he started up, I would work on getting him to focus on who he really wants to be. Do you really want to be rude and disrespectful? Is this behavior going to make you the person you want to be? It often times helped change the focus from "how do I stop this?" to "where do you really want to go with this? What is your point?" (My difficult child was 11 yrs old at the time)

    It is not the answer but a little armor to use in the fight. My difficult child needed his medications but the more we focused on what he wanted to be instead of what he was becoming, the easier the battle became. I truly felt many many nights that my difficult child was headed to prison. It was scary and what your difficult child is experiencing is super scary to him and you.

    I hope psychiatrist can help. Just remember that it will take time for whatever medications or treatment route you choose to take effect.

    Didn't you have someplace for him to go during the Stop the World?

    I also would sometimes find a time later in the day or the next day and say, "You know, I really don't like how our evening went. What was going on? Why were you so upset?" That sometimes opened the door to talk about how difficult child could work on changing.
     
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon...really try hard to get husband to get checked out. A couple of days after Tony had the screaming fit with Cory was when he had the stroke. It can happen.

    I got meningitis right after Cory got out of jail too. Coincidence? Who knows.

    difficult child is really upping the ante in your house of late. I think something needs to be done. Is there anyway you can get him into a day treatment program? Or in home therapy so you have other help . He is getting more violent. He cannot be allowed to push you or even posture that he is going to hit you. He is getting to old for that. Sigh.
     
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh wow. I know we'll be back there, but I don't miss those days when they're gone. However, I don't mean to send them to you, either!

    I wish I had answers. Hope the doctor can help tomorrow. Hugs.
     
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jannie-The crisis respite is unfortunately being phased out, we have it available until the end of this month and I almost called yesterday. Technically he didn't go the usual route which would end him there so I wasn't sure if I should have called or not. He didn't stay up later during break because we kept giving him his medications on time. Thanks for the cyber hug!

    TM-It really did scare me last night. I told husband I think he should get checked out, he disagreed, of course.

    Heather-Thanks for the hugs and I do hope that the psychiatrist can help.

    Andy-I wish we could get him to talk about things so we could process but when we bring things up later he absolutely refuses to talk and the anger usually starts to resurface. After April we no longer have crisis respite available. I wasn't sure if he met criteria yesterday for crisis respite, but I should have called.

    Janet-I'll keep trying to get husband checked out but he is mighty stubborn. Yes, difficult child is upping the ante. Amazingly he is doing well overall at school. We do have in home as well as out of home therapy. However, the in home will be ending this month. I agree he is getting too old for this.

    Shari-I hear you about not missing these kind of days. We have had a relatively smoother year than last so when he gets like this it makes it all the harder I think. Thanks for the hugs.
     
  9. maril

    maril New Member

    How did the psychiatrist visit go? I am sending hugs and support. :D

    I think you might want to give a push for your husband to be examined, as others have suggested. Not to scare you, but my dad was a stroke victim and his life was changed forever; it was a very difficult path.

    Take care of yourself. Let us know how all goes. My son has had destructive behavior when he rages; I understand how difficult it is to deal with his behavior. He is presently inpatient, receiving help.
     
  10. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Sharon,

    When it rains, it pours...!!! You have so much on your plate. As the others have already said, I think your husband needs to be seen by his doctor immediately. It might be nothing, but then again, it could be a warning sign of something serious...

    Is there any way you could convince him to see his doctor by telling him how much less stressed out you would be if he goes... Kind of make it sound like it is for your peace of mind? Like he is doing it for you? Does this make any sense?

    As far as your difficult child is concerned, I agree with Janet - There needs to be a new plan of action. You should not have to live with violence of any sort. It is totally unacceptable.

    Please try and get a bit of exercise, even if it's just a brief walk during lunch. Try to do something just for you... Thinking of you... Hugs... WFEN
     
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    HI kiddo -

    Sounds like you've really been through it lately -so I'm going to send you some super huge hugs, and imaginary respite! I'm thinking it's bad enough when your kids go bonkers - I think I'd take a long, long walk.....and hold fast for the end of the month.

    Hugs & More hugs
    Star
     
  12. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    Rough night!

    There are lots of things that can cause dizziness. Some carry only mild concerns like low blood pressure, ear infection (sometimes you can't even feel it). But some can be very serious like stoke, aneurism, or nervous system issues. I recommend having it checked out.

    I hope everyone does better. Hang in.
     
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon,

    I'm sorry for easy child and I'm sorry for you and husband. This scene played out many times in our home in the early years. In fact I now look back on those years and can honestly say I don't know how we made it, any of us. I think the one who suffered the most was easy child and she has the anxiety now to prove it.

    Things got better as she got older. The problems didn't stop and of course they got bigger, alcohol, drugs, sex. But the chaos in the home got much better. I guess it was a trade off. She now has 29 more days of high school and will turn 18 in less than two months so the light is at the end of the tunnel for us. She is not using drugs or drinking and we have her on birth control. Things are looking up.

    Looking back on those days I don't know what I could or should have done differently to help the situation, something that would help you. In some ways maturity resolved a lot of the issues. Do you wonder what you were thinking eleven years ago?

    If we could make it so can you Sharon. You are a strong lady and it sounds like your husband is very supportive. Keep your sense of humor and find ways for you and husband to reconnect through all this chaos.

    Hugs,
    Nancy
     
  14. lizzie09

    lizzie09 lizzie

    I'm so sorry Wiped out I have had evenings like that too.

    I do agree that because of the frustration level with us all that our
    healh is at risk.
    In 2006 when we had a bad time and no answers I went through 3 mths of hell with difficult child with no healths problems and SUDDENLy I became ill.
    Was diagnosed with a massive burst abscess in my abdomen, peritonitis and needed a complete hysterectomy....I really feel that the whole thing was due to my situuation and trying in vain to cope...so be careful of yourselves/ Mind you my hospital stay was like a holiday in the Caribbean it was soo good the be out of the loop for a while!:D
     
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Marilynne-I hear you on the dr. check-up but he just thinks it is because he screamed too loud. The violence is hard to deal with and he has done so much better in the last year. I'm glad your son is getting help right now. Mine has been inpatient 3 times. Two of the three were very helpful.

    WFEN-Thanks-I do need to exercise (it's been a week since I have which is just terrible). We're having a staffing next week on difficult child so maybe they will have some good suggestions because you're right we shouldn't be having to live like this. I will try that approach with husband, maybe it will work but talk about stubborn.

    Star-Thanks for the hugs and the imaginary respite! That long walk sounds good. I've got to get back in my regular routine. The past 5 months have been the hardest time I've had fitting in my workouts in the last 12 years.

    Aeroeng-Thanks for the support.

    Nancy-Thank you! Yes there are times I wonder what was I thinking? I do sometimes wonder how we will make it through these times. Luckily, husband is really supportive and so far our humor is intact-for the most part.

    Lizzie-I so understand the hospital feeling like a vacation-this past Dec. when I was hospitalized for three days, husband said he wished he could get hospitalized just to get respite!

    Tonight was somewhat better, not by any means perfect but definitely improved.
    His psychiatrist really wants to see how the cpap machine is going to help. For now we are going to up his Loxapine by 5 mgs at night. I just hope this macine helps and we can get him to keep it on for the whole night!
     
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