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This is a new one for me, any ideas?
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<blockquote data-quote="eekysign" data-source="post: 263043" data-attributes="member: 6479"><p>Agh, I dunno. I think the answer to that may not necessarily help in your situation. I feel like it depends a lot on family dynamic. The times I voluntarily played peacemaker were ALL because I either:</p><p>A) <u>felt</u> my parents weren't handling it (too burned out) or</p><p>B) <u>felt</u> like I needed to "take some of the burden off them"</p><p></p><p>Either way, it wasn't a position I should have been in as a sibling. If my Mom had responded to Sis declaring she would go live in the van by handing her a pillow, I would have been out there, too, trying to "save" the family. Maybe your easy child needs clearer explanations of what your actions are trying to accomplish? Because if you rationally decided to call difficult child-ITs bluff by handing him the pillow, then easy child was undermining your call on the situation by going out there with him and giving him attention. And if you gave him the pillow because you were just frustrated and didn't want to deal with it, then easy child was taking ON your role because you had given it up. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like easy child needs to know deep-down that he shouldn't interfere with your handling of difficult child-IT, and that he doesn't need to try to "save" his little brother. He needs to know that you have it ALL under control, and that his actions aren't necessary---all he needs to do is love his little brother. It's nice that he's a 15 year-old "old soul" (I was one, too, but that's because I'd already been turned into an ultimate easy child by my OLDER difficult child stepbros), but maybe he needs to be <u>just</u> a kid when it comes to dealing with the difficult child-IT. I think that's what I wish my parents had done more clearly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="eekysign, post: 263043, member: 6479"] Agh, I dunno. I think the answer to that may not necessarily help in your situation. I feel like it depends a lot on family dynamic. The times I voluntarily played peacemaker were ALL because I either: A) [U]felt[/U] my parents weren't handling it (too burned out) or B) [U]felt[/U] like I needed to "take some of the burden off them" Either way, it wasn't a position I should have been in as a sibling. If my Mom had responded to Sis declaring she would go live in the van by handing her a pillow, I would have been out there, too, trying to "save" the family. Maybe your easy child needs clearer explanations of what your actions are trying to accomplish? Because if you rationally decided to call difficult child-ITs bluff by handing him the pillow, then easy child was undermining your call on the situation by going out there with him and giving him attention. And if you gave him the pillow because you were just frustrated and didn't want to deal with it, then easy child was taking ON your role because you had given it up. It sounds like easy child needs to know deep-down that he shouldn't interfere with your handling of difficult child-IT, and that he doesn't need to try to "save" his little brother. He needs to know that you have it ALL under control, and that his actions aren't necessary---all he needs to do is love his little brother. It's nice that he's a 15 year-old "old soul" (I was one, too, but that's because I'd already been turned into an ultimate easy child by my OLDER difficult child stepbros), but maybe he needs to be [U]just[/U] a kid when it comes to dealing with the difficult child-IT. I think that's what I wish my parents had done more clearly. [/QUOTE]
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