Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
This just in....21 yr old who may have mental challenges but refusses to seek help.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 621021" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Welcome Kelepani, to this site. Wow, I read your post twice, and I hear your desperation. I get that. </p><p></p><p>I know that others on this site will come along and give you some good words of wisdom. I don't have a lot of experience with Aspergers or high functioning Autism but I do have experience with a person who has capabilities but doesn't use them.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like your son has a lot of capabilities---he graduated from high school, he took buses every single day and back to a post-high school program. Sounds like he was moving forward in that program, learning a skill, when he quit suddenly. </p><p></p><p>Is his Tourette's still a big factor or is it controlled? I have a good friend whose daughter has Tourette's and is fully functional. </p><p></p><p>Here is what I do know:</p><p></p><p>*People will let you do "it" for them as long as you will do "it." Our adult children, and others as well. </p><p>*Unless you want to be doing "this" 40 years from now, you need to make changes.</p><p>*There needs to be a plan that you make and you keep (changing as necessary) to move him from here to there---from sitting and playing video games all day (they are a cancer, I believe, I can't stand video games as my son did the same thing) to working and contributing to his own upkeep and life.</p><p>*A mental illness or disability is not an excuse to live off parents for the rest of your life. A diagnosis or a suspicion is a signal. It's a signal to get more professional help, get treatment, and <strong>then do the treatment</strong>. For the rest of your life if necessary. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like you have had some indepth conversations with him but nothing has changed. I would stop talking so much and start taking more action, like you did moving him out of his bedroom. </p><p></p><p>For starters, take the video games away. Give him some warning and then take all of the systems, pack them up and store them out of your house at a friend's house, indefinitely. Video games are entertainment. They are not a person's life. And if they become that, something needs to change. </p><p></p><p>Start setting more boundaries like that one. Kele---it will likely get very contentious between you and your son as you start setting boundaries, sticking to them, and not budging. He won't like that because he will have to do something different.</p><p></p><p>A wise person (my SO) always reminds me of this maxim: Do one thing different. </p><p></p><p>You don't have to completely change everything at once. Just start out by doing one thing different, and over time, more and more things differently. As you change, others will have to change---in some way.</p><p></p><p>You will likely need a lot of help and support along the way, through sites like this one, posting often and reading often and perhaps professional help yourself. This is hard, hard stuff to do, Kele. </p><p></p><p>Your son is going to have to do something different with his life. Sending you strength, courage and hope to help you do the hard work of helping him do that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 621021, member: 17542"] Welcome Kelepani, to this site. Wow, I read your post twice, and I hear your desperation. I get that. I know that others on this site will come along and give you some good words of wisdom. I don't have a lot of experience with Aspergers or high functioning Autism but I do have experience with a person who has capabilities but doesn't use them. It sounds like your son has a lot of capabilities---he graduated from high school, he took buses every single day and back to a post-high school program. Sounds like he was moving forward in that program, learning a skill, when he quit suddenly. Is his Tourette's still a big factor or is it controlled? I have a good friend whose daughter has Tourette's and is fully functional. Here is what I do know: *People will let you do "it" for them as long as you will do "it." Our adult children, and others as well. *Unless you want to be doing "this" 40 years from now, you need to make changes. *There needs to be a plan that you make and you keep (changing as necessary) to move him from here to there---from sitting and playing video games all day (they are a cancer, I believe, I can't stand video games as my son did the same thing) to working and contributing to his own upkeep and life. *A mental illness or disability is not an excuse to live off parents for the rest of your life. A diagnosis or a suspicion is a signal. It's a signal to get more professional help, get treatment, and [B]then do the treatment[/B]. For the rest of your life if necessary. It sounds like you have had some indepth conversations with him but nothing has changed. I would stop talking so much and start taking more action, like you did moving him out of his bedroom. For starters, take the video games away. Give him some warning and then take all of the systems, pack them up and store them out of your house at a friend's house, indefinitely. Video games are entertainment. They are not a person's life. And if they become that, something needs to change. Start setting more boundaries like that one. Kele---it will likely get very contentious between you and your son as you start setting boundaries, sticking to them, and not budging. He won't like that because he will have to do something different. A wise person (my SO) always reminds me of this maxim: Do one thing different. You don't have to completely change everything at once. Just start out by doing one thing different, and over time, more and more things differently. As you change, others will have to change---in some way. You will likely need a lot of help and support along the way, through sites like this one, posting often and reading often and perhaps professional help yourself. This is hard, hard stuff to do, Kele. Your son is going to have to do something different with his life. Sending you strength, courage and hope to help you do the hard work of helping him do that. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
This just in....21 yr old who may have mental challenges but refusses to seek help.
Top