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This just in....21 yr old who may have mental challenges but refusses to seek help.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621155" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Kele. I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. It may be helpful to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It helps us parents if we can begin to find that balance point between really helping our kids and enabling them. </p><p></p><p>If your son is refusing any kind of help, there is really little you can do but insist on your own boundaries while he is living with you. There are many options for him but he has to be willing to take them. My sister has Aspergers and is bi-polar with a host of other diagnosis's and she has managed to take care of herself, complete graduate school and actually become successful as an artist. She was motivated though, your son isn't motivated. </p><p></p><p>You might also try contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they can be accessed online and have chapters all over. They have excellent resources for parents to help us negotiate this territory. They may be able to help you find resources for your son. It may be worth that phone call. </p><p></p><p>However, if he refuses all options, all help, then you are in a strange position of allowing a grown man to essentially hang out like a 12 year old and do nothing all day. Or you can begin to insist on his showing up and contributing. Without any expectations placed on him to grow and launch into his own life, his self esteem and self confidence will plummet if that hasn't happened already. You need to make conditions for him to live with you.........he cannot simply accept a free ride. Are you prepared to support him when he is a 40 year old man who hangs out playing video games in your living room? Because if you stay the course, that may be the outcome. You will have to be the one who changes since he is not. There is a vast difference between throwing someone out and allowing yourself to be held hostage in your own home by someone who has no real life and no intention of changing. </p><p></p><p>Take steps to change the situation for YOU. Focus on yourself and what your needs are. Get support for YOU. Once you shift that focus off of him and onto yourself, the next step will reveal itself to you. It's a process. We all start where we are. Keep posting, it helps a lot. We're glad you're here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621155, member: 13542"] Welcome Kele. I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. It may be helpful to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It helps us parents if we can begin to find that balance point between really helping our kids and enabling them. If your son is refusing any kind of help, there is really little you can do but insist on your own boundaries while he is living with you. There are many options for him but he has to be willing to take them. My sister has Aspergers and is bi-polar with a host of other diagnosis's and she has managed to take care of herself, complete graduate school and actually become successful as an artist. She was motivated though, your son isn't motivated. You might also try contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they can be accessed online and have chapters all over. They have excellent resources for parents to help us negotiate this territory. They may be able to help you find resources for your son. It may be worth that phone call. However, if he refuses all options, all help, then you are in a strange position of allowing a grown man to essentially hang out like a 12 year old and do nothing all day. Or you can begin to insist on his showing up and contributing. Without any expectations placed on him to grow and launch into his own life, his self esteem and self confidence will plummet if that hasn't happened already. You need to make conditions for him to live with you.........he cannot simply accept a free ride. Are you prepared to support him when he is a 40 year old man who hangs out playing video games in your living room? Because if you stay the course, that may be the outcome. You will have to be the one who changes since he is not. There is a vast difference between throwing someone out and allowing yourself to be held hostage in your own home by someone who has no real life and no intention of changing. Take steps to change the situation for YOU. Focus on yourself and what your needs are. Get support for YOU. Once you shift that focus off of him and onto yourself, the next step will reveal itself to you. It's a process. We all start where we are. Keep posting, it helps a lot. We're glad you're here. [/QUOTE]
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This just in....21 yr old who may have mental challenges but refusses to seek help.
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