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This wedding is getting stranger by the minute...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 259753" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Gcvmom, as someone from a big family with lots of weddings, and currently heading for Wedding No 2 of my kids within 12 months, so far your brother's wedding sounds fairly normal to me, except for not including the specific ceremony info in the invitation. But from your description, "doofus" would explain that, too.</p><p></p><p>Not inviting your kids - the explanation of his fianc&#233;e's family having lots of kids, too many, at tat lavel and it would cause problems - that makes sense to me. When husband & I married, I WANTED all my nieces & nephews at the wedding (I love kids) and had a devil of a time finding a wedding reception place that would allow this. </p><p></p><p>Since then, we've hd family weddings where husband & I were invited but not the kids. Where my siblings' kids were also not invited, I could handle that. But one nephew in particular, my brother (the groom's father) made a point of not inviting my kids "because they're not adults yet" but inviting all the other adult nephews/nieces. And as easy child at the time WAS an adult, it was upsetting and embarrassing. We went, easy child was right royally peeved but to a small extent got her point across to the groom when we all had breakfast in the hotel dining room ext morning (bride & groom plus us with our kids, since we all stayed overnight in the same hotel). easy child went up to bride & groom to offer her congratulations and groom said, "I missed seeing you last night." easy child was able to reply, "That's because we weren't invited, so we babysat the younger ones upstairs during the reception."</p><p>I was so proud of easy child - she was polite, she was friendly, made it clear she had no hard feelings - but also piled on just enough embarrassment factor.</p><p></p><p>That marriage lasted 4 months.</p><p></p><p>When that nephew remarried, it was on a Barrier Reef island and we were not invited. Nobody was, other than his parents, the bride's parents and the groom's sister. Not even groom's sister's kids were invited. We were all told about it afterwards.</p><p></p><p>With our family weddings, we have had to make some difficult choices about who to invite and who not to. With difficult child 1's wedding I really wanted to invite husband's cousins, but the numbers were blowing out too big and we had to make a harsh decision to not invite them. mother in law wasn't happy about it, plus when husband's cousin has had HER kids getting married and she hasn't invited me and husband, mother in law has been really angry with her. And now it looks like we've just been playing tit for tat, when that's not the case. It simply is difficult we had to draw a line somewhere.</p><p></p><p>Also, for difficult child 1's wedding we had to say, "No kids". It was beside a creek and on the beach, so it was dangerous for little kids. A few cousins couldn't come because they had little kids and couldn't afford a sitter. One or two insisted on bringing their kids and in a couple of cases I allowed this but said, "YOU must watch them yourselves, we can't take chances." In a couple of cases the parents brought a sitter to stay on the beach with the little ones which worked out. For us.</p><p></p><p>One possible option is to ask your bro's new wife, "If I cover the cost of the meal for my kids, would it be OK to bring them?" It is OK etiquette in Australia to do this, I don't know about in your neck of the woods.</p><p></p><p>But really, don't you want to enjoy a lovely time playing at being a dressed up grown-up without having to worry about your kids staying in control?</p><p></p><p>A suggestion - if your dad isn't going (because of his agoraphobia) what about HIM babysitting for you? Or maybe leaving the kids with him, plus a sitter to cover all of them. Chances are it will be a much more enjoyable time for everybody - you guys have fun at the wedding without kids underfoot spilling their glass and whining about the food, while the kids can watch movies and make popcorn with grandpa.</p><p></p><p>If bro and his new wife are organising their own wedding, there will be more glitches like this. it happens. They will frankly be too stressed and too busy for any of these apparent slights to be calculated insults. Trust me - they will be oversights, accidents and not deliberate. No less distressing to you, maybe, but try to make the best of it and do your utmost to enjoy it.</p><p></p><p>He is trying. (Very, I hear you say.)</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 259753, member: 1991"] Gcvmom, as someone from a big family with lots of weddings, and currently heading for Wedding No 2 of my kids within 12 months, so far your brother's wedding sounds fairly normal to me, except for not including the specific ceremony info in the invitation. But from your description, "doofus" would explain that, too. Not inviting your kids - the explanation of his fiancée's family having lots of kids, too many, at tat lavel and it would cause problems - that makes sense to me. When husband & I married, I WANTED all my nieces & nephews at the wedding (I love kids) and had a devil of a time finding a wedding reception place that would allow this. Since then, we've hd family weddings where husband & I were invited but not the kids. Where my siblings' kids were also not invited, I could handle that. But one nephew in particular, my brother (the groom's father) made a point of not inviting my kids "because they're not adults yet" but inviting all the other adult nephews/nieces. And as easy child at the time WAS an adult, it was upsetting and embarrassing. We went, easy child was right royally peeved but to a small extent got her point across to the groom when we all had breakfast in the hotel dining room ext morning (bride & groom plus us with our kids, since we all stayed overnight in the same hotel). easy child went up to bride & groom to offer her congratulations and groom said, "I missed seeing you last night." easy child was able to reply, "That's because we weren't invited, so we babysat the younger ones upstairs during the reception." I was so proud of easy child - she was polite, she was friendly, made it clear she had no hard feelings - but also piled on just enough embarrassment factor. That marriage lasted 4 months. When that nephew remarried, it was on a Barrier Reef island and we were not invited. Nobody was, other than his parents, the bride's parents and the groom's sister. Not even groom's sister's kids were invited. We were all told about it afterwards. With our family weddings, we have had to make some difficult choices about who to invite and who not to. With difficult child 1's wedding I really wanted to invite husband's cousins, but the numbers were blowing out too big and we had to make a harsh decision to not invite them. mother in law wasn't happy about it, plus when husband's cousin has had HER kids getting married and she hasn't invited me and husband, mother in law has been really angry with her. And now it looks like we've just been playing tit for tat, when that's not the case. It simply is difficult we had to draw a line somewhere. Also, for difficult child 1's wedding we had to say, "No kids". It was beside a creek and on the beach, so it was dangerous for little kids. A few cousins couldn't come because they had little kids and couldn't afford a sitter. One or two insisted on bringing their kids and in a couple of cases I allowed this but said, "YOU must watch them yourselves, we can't take chances." In a couple of cases the parents brought a sitter to stay on the beach with the little ones which worked out. For us. One possible option is to ask your bro's new wife, "If I cover the cost of the meal for my kids, would it be OK to bring them?" It is OK etiquette in Australia to do this, I don't know about in your neck of the woods. But really, don't you want to enjoy a lovely time playing at being a dressed up grown-up without having to worry about your kids staying in control? A suggestion - if your dad isn't going (because of his agoraphobia) what about HIM babysitting for you? Or maybe leaving the kids with him, plus a sitter to cover all of them. Chances are it will be a much more enjoyable time for everybody - you guys have fun at the wedding without kids underfoot spilling their glass and whining about the food, while the kids can watch movies and make popcorn with grandpa. If bro and his new wife are organising their own wedding, there will be more glitches like this. it happens. They will frankly be too stressed and too busy for any of these apparent slights to be calculated insults. Trust me - they will be oversights, accidents and not deliberate. No less distressing to you, maybe, but try to make the best of it and do your utmost to enjoy it. He is trying. (Very, I hear you say.) Marg [/QUOTE]
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