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General Parenting
thoughts anyone??? ideas for when he is in full refusal mode....
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<blockquote data-quote="whatamess" data-source="post: 515531" data-attributes="member: 7664"><p>I think you prepared for the worst (his potential refusal) by creating a plan (that's good). But, then, even when he was being very appropriate, this battle prevention plan was enforced. This is inflexibility on our part (I say our because I live this too). If he doing well, interacting appropriately why bring him in, why not have a talk and renegotiate the time? I think you and I both know, Q was in a good place and that is why you were able to enforce the plan, but if he was in a bad place-no matter what plan-you wouldn't be able to enforce it. I think sometimes we are fooling ourselves into thinking we have control over this, when it was really just a good/bad day for the child. Obviously, we have to have a plan-it makes us feel better and when our kids are in a good place it creates boundaries- but believing there is one failsafe, foolproof plan to make everything go well with our kiddos is not reality. Perhaps, since you have created this boundary-the time to come in- you can continue with that plan, but add the caveat that if he is doing well that at the designated time you two can negotiate whether additonal time can happen.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="whatamess, post: 515531, member: 7664"] I think you prepared for the worst (his potential refusal) by creating a plan (that's good). But, then, even when he was being very appropriate, this battle prevention plan was enforced. This is inflexibility on our part (I say our because I live this too). If he doing well, interacting appropriately why bring him in, why not have a talk and renegotiate the time? I think you and I both know, Q was in a good place and that is why you were able to enforce the plan, but if he was in a bad place-no matter what plan-you wouldn't be able to enforce it. I think sometimes we are fooling ourselves into thinking we have control over this, when it was really just a good/bad day for the child. Obviously, we have to have a plan-it makes us feel better and when our kids are in a good place it creates boundaries- but believing there is one failsafe, foolproof plan to make everything go well with our kiddos is not reality. Perhaps, since you have created this boundary-the time to come in- you can continue with that plan, but add the caveat that if he is doing well that at the designated time you two can negotiate whether additonal time can happen. [/QUOTE]
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thoughts anyone??? ideas for when he is in full refusal mode....
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