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thoughts anyone??? ideas for when he is in full refusal mode....
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 515569" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I love that idea Ktllc, I like the idea of using visuals to say the amount of negotiations and using them up. He of course says I always say no (funny my critics think I always must say yes), and yes, I agree his reasons were legit. We did process a little more today. I did explain that since he does take medicine to help him to be able to be out and having fun, when that medicine wears off it becomes more tricky (he knows that and how it is in the morning too) so he has to trust that my rules are to make it so he can go back many days to have fun with friends, to protect him from a bad situation happening and people choosing not to include him (which he promptly gave examples of so I knew he really did understand). </p><p></p><p>Anyway, I think using the visuals would not only show him the limit but would show him the number of times we did get to change the plan. </p><p></p><p>I honestly think if I would have tried to talk at the time he was cuddling with me he would have turned it off and said some pretty mean things, he was worried and in part was trying to avoid too much of a consequence. But I learned long ago to not worry too much about his motivation and wonder if he really cares, it is more important that he can at least approach a situation as if he cares and be polite and appropriate. That has taken a long time to teach him. </p><p></p><p>For sure he is pushing for his independence. He has less chance to do things than the grade 2 kids in our area. He simply has never once been successful without someone to guide him in when tricky times happen. And the results are awful, last year a physical game became a physical fight...really intense with his finally running into our little wooded patch and not coming out for hours. The kids went in and made up with him, etc. I had just left for a minute because I had seen him start to escalate and I went to get another mom to help me out.... to get other kids away if it went bad and sure enough by the time we got back everyone was hysterical. THere was a little kid visiting who was saying he was going to cut my son's balls off and on and on and I could not get this kid to SHUT UP. I finally asked his big sister to take him home because it was not helping (he doesn't live here). So I bet a huge part of this is my fear of how awful a few things have become. I think I am past things but they do stick in my mind.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 515569, member: 12886"] I love that idea Ktllc, I like the idea of using visuals to say the amount of negotiations and using them up. He of course says I always say no (funny my critics think I always must say yes), and yes, I agree his reasons were legit. We did process a little more today. I did explain that since he does take medicine to help him to be able to be out and having fun, when that medicine wears off it becomes more tricky (he knows that and how it is in the morning too) so he has to trust that my rules are to make it so he can go back many days to have fun with friends, to protect him from a bad situation happening and people choosing not to include him (which he promptly gave examples of so I knew he really did understand). Anyway, I think using the visuals would not only show him the limit but would show him the number of times we did get to change the plan. I honestly think if I would have tried to talk at the time he was cuddling with me he would have turned it off and said some pretty mean things, he was worried and in part was trying to avoid too much of a consequence. But I learned long ago to not worry too much about his motivation and wonder if he really cares, it is more important that he can at least approach a situation as if he cares and be polite and appropriate. That has taken a long time to teach him. For sure he is pushing for his independence. He has less chance to do things than the grade 2 kids in our area. He simply has never once been successful without someone to guide him in when tricky times happen. And the results are awful, last year a physical game became a physical fight...really intense with his finally running into our little wooded patch and not coming out for hours. The kids went in and made up with him, etc. I had just left for a minute because I had seen him start to escalate and I went to get another mom to help me out.... to get other kids away if it went bad and sure enough by the time we got back everyone was hysterical. THere was a little kid visiting who was saying he was going to cut my son's balls off and on and on and I could not get this kid to SHUT UP. I finally asked his big sister to take him home because it was not helping (he doesn't live here). So I bet a huge part of this is my fear of how awful a few things have become. I think I am past things but they do stick in my mind. [/QUOTE]
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thoughts anyone??? ideas for when he is in full refusal mode....
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