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Three Ring Circus - Not the Fun Kind
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<blockquote data-quote="On_Call" data-source="post: 10382" data-attributes="member: 3211"><p>First, let me thank all of you for your caring, heartfelt responses! I knew I would get the been there done that sort of advice that I truly needed.</p><p></p><p>Things have calmed a bit and husband and I have discussed the matter - probably at a greater length than he wanted to - lol. We usually are on the same page - the other night was an exception in that instance - and husband regrets it. Said it just overcame him - the chaos of it all - and difficult child was being extremely rude, crude, obnoxious, hurtful and disrespectful. In the past, most of the larger episodes were in school - not at home. I was the one called to school, so I am the one who has learned to detach - learned to become hardened and stoic to the statements and insults. It is really only in the past 6 months or so that difficult child's meltdowns have reached that point at home. So, by default, I am years ahead of husband in the detachment lessons.</p><p></p><p>Linda: I agreed with husband that we both have the same frustrations, etc. I try to encourage him to attempt to not take it personally - and I never discuss tactics in front of either of our kids. Usually we have a good tag team thing going on. I think the situation just got the best of him that particular night. And, difficult child often doesn't remember things he's said or done during a rage - he has done that since kindergarten. He will remember bits and pieces later - kind of like a "oh yeah, I said that, didn't I" and he does feel remorse. But I know that he doesn't mean them and that they are definitely not thought out expressions for sure. husband and I came to the realization that 99% of our conversations are difficult child related - we are trying to come up with a plan to get out to dinner a couple of times a month alone - working out the sitter arrangement. Since we don't have anyone regular, we rely on my mother and/or sister to sit with the kids on the rare occasion we do something alone. It is a priority.</p><p></p><p>EmptyNest: difficult child calmly just told me last night at bedtime that two of his slightly older classmates have sort of been "ganging up" on him at school - especially in their p.e. period. We talked about ways to deal with that and hopefully (crossing my fingers, etc.) he will put HIS plan into motion. </p><p></p><p>MidwestMom: I know that I too have said things in anger that I didn't really mean - and definitely felt remorse for them afterward. Anger is a natural emotion. We began weaning difficult child off seroquel yesterday morning - after the meltdown. I called difficult child's new psychiatrist yesterday morning and she said to be thankful the meltdown was before we started weaning him and not after, so that we were sure the episode wasn't due to the medication change. I guess she's a 'silver lining' psychiatrist. God love her! Actually, I really like the new psychiatrist - she simply said that if he is still this unstable on these medications, these medications aren't working. Period. We'll have to hang on and see what the future holds in that department.</p><p></p><p>Kate: We almost always can talk rationally about things with difficult child a bit after a rage. It is really almost like he has been "depressurized" and is so laid back, etc. He kept apologizing to husband profusely yesterday afterschool. husband kept saying it's okay difficult child - now, let it go, but I think it goes back to the profound remorse.</p><p></p><p>Nomad: husband & I discussed seeing a counselor - just the two of us. I think it would be helpful. The stress level is understandable. psychiatrist seemed confused that we could manage to hold together some level of "normality" in the household at all. When I told her that difficult child doesn't know (we think), but that we sort of adjust things based on his level of capability to handle situations she seemed shocked. I cried. I told her that this was "our Normal".</p><p></p><p>Smallworld: difficult child has been taking the zoloft for just about 2 months now. Actually, husband and I both agree that this has been the smoothest period of time we've seen with difficult child. We never saw the major improvement on the lithium and/or seroquel that we expected. I know that all of the medications can have unfavorable side effects, but so far, we think the zoloft has been the medication we have seen the most improvement with difficult child on. Again, we sit on pins and needles and watch that closely, too.</p><p></p><p>Marguerite: I own the Explosive Child, but it may be time for a re-read. We have lots of things in Basket B, believe me. And, some things that were in Basket A have been overcome, etc. I will have to dig the book back out this weekend.</p><p></p><p>Janna: The strength factor when we're mad can be amazing, can't it? I am really not sure how he got that mattress out of his room, around a tight corner and into the guest room, but he did. All without making tell tale noises. Scary. When difficult child was very young, he didn't express statements while raging - just the yelling you describe with Dylan. Those came a bit later.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, this type of rage is pretty typical for our difficult child. I don't imagine that it's caused necessarily by any of the medications that he is taking. By the same token, I agree with psychiatrist that probably the seroquel and perhaps even the lithium aren't really doing that much good for him either. It's a very discouraging situation. </p><p></p><p>Poor difficult child. He managed to find one positive about Wednesday nights chaos - he said "Mom, a good thing is that it happened at home and not at school, right?". Poor kid. It really does seem like these meltdowns are something that build up and build up in him like carbonation and then explode. I do believe he has an anxiety disorder - he worries about everything - including the next meltdown - constantly. I think sometimes he is waiting for the next one and is almost relieved when it has happened and it is over. Does that make any sense?</p><p></p><p>Anyway, thanks to all of you for reading and for responding. I know that I could not get husband to get on the site and read things, but I will relate some things to him.</p><p></p><p>Thanks again - you all are great. :wink:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="On_Call, post: 10382, member: 3211"] First, let me thank all of you for your caring, heartfelt responses! I knew I would get the been there done that sort of advice that I truly needed. Things have calmed a bit and husband and I have discussed the matter - probably at a greater length than he wanted to - lol. We usually are on the same page - the other night was an exception in that instance - and husband regrets it. Said it just overcame him - the chaos of it all - and difficult child was being extremely rude, crude, obnoxious, hurtful and disrespectful. In the past, most of the larger episodes were in school - not at home. I was the one called to school, so I am the one who has learned to detach - learned to become hardened and stoic to the statements and insults. It is really only in the past 6 months or so that difficult child's meltdowns have reached that point at home. So, by default, I am years ahead of husband in the detachment lessons. Linda: I agreed with husband that we both have the same frustrations, etc. I try to encourage him to attempt to not take it personally - and I never discuss tactics in front of either of our kids. Usually we have a good tag team thing going on. I think the situation just got the best of him that particular night. And, difficult child often doesn't remember things he's said or done during a rage - he has done that since kindergarten. He will remember bits and pieces later - kind of like a "oh yeah, I said that, didn't I" and he does feel remorse. But I know that he doesn't mean them and that they are definitely not thought out expressions for sure. husband and I came to the realization that 99% of our conversations are difficult child related - we are trying to come up with a plan to get out to dinner a couple of times a month alone - working out the sitter arrangement. Since we don't have anyone regular, we rely on my mother and/or sister to sit with the kids on the rare occasion we do something alone. It is a priority. EmptyNest: difficult child calmly just told me last night at bedtime that two of his slightly older classmates have sort of been "ganging up" on him at school - especially in their p.e. period. We talked about ways to deal with that and hopefully (crossing my fingers, etc.) he will put HIS plan into motion. MidwestMom: I know that I too have said things in anger that I didn't really mean - and definitely felt remorse for them afterward. Anger is a natural emotion. We began weaning difficult child off seroquel yesterday morning - after the meltdown. I called difficult child's new psychiatrist yesterday morning and she said to be thankful the meltdown was before we started weaning him and not after, so that we were sure the episode wasn't due to the medication change. I guess she's a 'silver lining' psychiatrist. God love her! Actually, I really like the new psychiatrist - she simply said that if he is still this unstable on these medications, these medications aren't working. Period. We'll have to hang on and see what the future holds in that department. Kate: We almost always can talk rationally about things with difficult child a bit after a rage. It is really almost like he has been "depressurized" and is so laid back, etc. He kept apologizing to husband profusely yesterday afterschool. husband kept saying it's okay difficult child - now, let it go, but I think it goes back to the profound remorse. Nomad: husband & I discussed seeing a counselor - just the two of us. I think it would be helpful. The stress level is understandable. psychiatrist seemed confused that we could manage to hold together some level of "normality" in the household at all. When I told her that difficult child doesn't know (we think), but that we sort of adjust things based on his level of capability to handle situations she seemed shocked. I cried. I told her that this was "our Normal". Smallworld: difficult child has been taking the zoloft for just about 2 months now. Actually, husband and I both agree that this has been the smoothest period of time we've seen with difficult child. We never saw the major improvement on the lithium and/or seroquel that we expected. I know that all of the medications can have unfavorable side effects, but so far, we think the zoloft has been the medication we have seen the most improvement with difficult child on. Again, we sit on pins and needles and watch that closely, too. Marguerite: I own the Explosive Child, but it may be time for a re-read. We have lots of things in Basket B, believe me. And, some things that were in Basket A have been overcome, etc. I will have to dig the book back out this weekend. Janna: The strength factor when we're mad can be amazing, can't it? I am really not sure how he got that mattress out of his room, around a tight corner and into the guest room, but he did. All without making tell tale noises. Scary. When difficult child was very young, he didn't express statements while raging - just the yelling you describe with Dylan. Those came a bit later. The thing is, this type of rage is pretty typical for our difficult child. I don't imagine that it's caused necessarily by any of the medications that he is taking. By the same token, I agree with psychiatrist that probably the seroquel and perhaps even the lithium aren't really doing that much good for him either. It's a very discouraging situation. Poor difficult child. He managed to find one positive about Wednesday nights chaos - he said "Mom, a good thing is that it happened at home and not at school, right?". Poor kid. It really does seem like these meltdowns are something that build up and build up in him like carbonation and then explode. I do believe he has an anxiety disorder - he worries about everything - including the next meltdown - constantly. I think sometimes he is waiting for the next one and is almost relieved when it has happened and it is over. Does that make any sense? Anyway, thanks to all of you for reading and for responding. I know that I could not get husband to get on the site and read things, but I will relate some things to him. Thanks again - you all are great. [img]:wink:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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