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time for house rules
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 261938" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Jen,</p><p></p><p>I most certainly WOULD have the child clean the walls as best they can. If it is the 7yo I would work with-her. If it is the older one I owuld get her started and be there so she can't jsut walk away. </p><p></p><p>Either way, the child will need gloves to clean up this mess. You can get a couple of cleaners, one is called goof off, that should take this off. They WILL take the surface off the other paint, but it is the ONLY way to get teh dye out. Rubbing alcohol will also work, at least it has for me. </p><p></p><p>I think the rule needs to not be "do not write on walls or furniture" but rather "write ONLY on paper". The way you phrased it left a LOT of things that they could write on and damage, like the tv, the other kids' toys, your special mementos and pictures, etc.... See the difference??? I learned this on the HARD way. Jessie actually colored one of our cat's tummies GREEN with markers when she was 3. I have NO idea how she got the cat to sit still for it, but he would do ANYTHING she wanted. It was a HUGE mess, and at 3 she couldn't clean it up. But if we didn't clean the cat, well, he would have gotten really sick. Luckily these WERE washable markers, LOL!</p><p></p><p>I am sorry they are doing things like this. I expect they are pretty resentful that your kids have access to all these things that they don't. Esp the younger one.</p><p></p><p>As for biomom, I know you won't say things about her to the kids. But is she perhaps trying to increase the kids' resentment of you by telling her kids it is OK to do these things at "dad's house but not here" ? I have seen it happen, and it is an UGLY way of controlling your ex. But there is NOTHING you can do except present a written list of rules and clear consequences. If you damage it, you clean it/fix it/replace it and Jen and Dad get to pick which one or ones. If it can't be cleaned then you will have to fix it or pay to have it fixed. That kind of thing.</p><p></p><p>Also, if they have to pay to replace or fix something, it should either be with labor or with money they earn doing work for you or dad. NOT with allowance or $$ from birthday or gifts. because mom will just replace that $$, or grandparents will. Then the child learns no lesson. Well, they learn it is no big deal to damage stuff because there is no real consequence. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry it came to this. The kids have no idea what having your own house means to you though. they HAVE a house with their mom. They problem also think if you weren't in the picture Dad would still be at home with them - no matter how untrue this is, how long he had left before you started dating him. That is what their minds think.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 261938, member: 1233"] Jen, I most certainly WOULD have the child clean the walls as best they can. If it is the 7yo I would work with-her. If it is the older one I owuld get her started and be there so she can't jsut walk away. Either way, the child will need gloves to clean up this mess. You can get a couple of cleaners, one is called goof off, that should take this off. They WILL take the surface off the other paint, but it is the ONLY way to get teh dye out. Rubbing alcohol will also work, at least it has for me. I think the rule needs to not be "do not write on walls or furniture" but rather "write ONLY on paper". The way you phrased it left a LOT of things that they could write on and damage, like the tv, the other kids' toys, your special mementos and pictures, etc.... See the difference??? I learned this on the HARD way. Jessie actually colored one of our cat's tummies GREEN with markers when she was 3. I have NO idea how she got the cat to sit still for it, but he would do ANYTHING she wanted. It was a HUGE mess, and at 3 she couldn't clean it up. But if we didn't clean the cat, well, he would have gotten really sick. Luckily these WERE washable markers, LOL! I am sorry they are doing things like this. I expect they are pretty resentful that your kids have access to all these things that they don't. Esp the younger one. As for biomom, I know you won't say things about her to the kids. But is she perhaps trying to increase the kids' resentment of you by telling her kids it is OK to do these things at "dad's house but not here" ? I have seen it happen, and it is an UGLY way of controlling your ex. But there is NOTHING you can do except present a written list of rules and clear consequences. If you damage it, you clean it/fix it/replace it and Jen and Dad get to pick which one or ones. If it can't be cleaned then you will have to fix it or pay to have it fixed. That kind of thing. Also, if they have to pay to replace or fix something, it should either be with labor or with money they earn doing work for you or dad. NOT with allowance or $$ from birthday or gifts. because mom will just replace that $$, or grandparents will. Then the child learns no lesson. Well, they learn it is no big deal to damage stuff because there is no real consequence. I am sorry it came to this. The kids have no idea what having your own house means to you though. they HAVE a house with their mom. They problem also think if you weren't in the picture Dad would still be at home with them - no matter how untrue this is, how long he had left before you started dating him. That is what their minds think. [/QUOTE]
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